🦋ShouldBeWriting🦋
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vanellopemint.bsky.social
🦋ShouldBeWriting🦋
@vanellopemint.bsky.social
82 followers 260 following 900 posts
I write, I read, I listen to metal/Band Maid.
1 micro story per day. These are written to a 500 character limit for Mastodon, so I’m posting a screen capture with full text in alt.
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vanellopemint.bsky.social
🦋ShouldBeWriting🦋 @vanellopemint.bsky.social · Feb 28
Microfiction - Tornado (OZ00)
Once there lived a lich named Lady Gygax - and by "lived" I mean she was not, technically, dead. She was undead. She was, in fact, a skeleton, although she always dressed well.
Her friend was a sorceress named Medea, and Medea had a raven familiar, who did not have a name.
One night Lady Gygax and the raven found themselves in a wooden house on the edge of town, when a surprise tornado carried them away.
Lady Gygax exclaimed, "Goodness! I knew I should have slept in my crypt!"
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Biannual
Pete stared at the flyer. "It says here that the Fall Festival is biannual." "Biannual?" replied Amy. "That means twice a year, right?" "It might mean every other year," said Pete. "Which is it?" she asked. "One word can't mean both." "But it does mean both, unfortunately," said Pete. "It means either twice a year, or every two years." "I just want to know," said Amy, "if I'm expected to attend a Fall Festival in the spring...."
February 5, 2026 at 2:38 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Use of Sauce
Kaylitha the elven wizard entered the Lute and Pillage Tavern. "Hey, Mr. Cook!" she called out. "I need another case of your daughter's Death Pepper Wing Sauce!" She plopped several gold coins onto the bar. "Coming right up!" the bar owner replied. As he produced the case of hot sauce, he said, "I know Anika loves this stuff, but I'm surprised an elf like you has taken a liking to such an intense sauce." "Oh, I don't eat it," said Kaylitha. "I lob it at our enemies...."
February 4, 2026 at 2:47 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Obviate
"Suppose I don't want to?" asked Billy. "Then you get no chocolate cake," his mother replied. Billy puffed up his chest. "So far as I'm concerned, the existence of chocolate cake obviates the need for me to consume brocolli." "Use as many big words you like," replied his mother. "You still get no dessert until you eat your vegetables."
February 3, 2026 at 2:34 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Unruly Teens
At the back of the Lute & Pillage Tavern, several teens played goblyncore music, loudly. Halford Cook yelled, "Freydis! Turn down that racket!" "Khaavolaar!" the girl swore. "You're not the rhaal of me!" "Yes I am. I am your father!" "Stupid gath'dar!" muttered Freydis. "I heard that, Freydis! You're human too!" As the teens left, Aleks the bartender said, "Was it wise to send her to a goblin school?" "I know," said Cook, "but I'm making a killing on free liquor and hot sauce!"
February 2, 2026 at 2:39 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Witty Comeback
"I must admit," said Lady Chatterly, "that your operation of the Wyrmhaven Deep Dungeon is most impressive. However, I am not certain I feel safe investing my money with you - you goblins are so very ugly." Nyx Gritbottom, head of the Wyrmhaven Deep Dungeon Improvement Committee, drew himself up to his full height of just under four feet. "And you Madam, are drunk. But in the morning I shall be..." His voice trailed off. He frowned. "Wait, I think we started that off wrong...."
February 1, 2026 at 8:26 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Cool Beans
"Look," said Sandy, holding out her hand. "These are the original cool beans!" "I'm sorry?" replied Lisa. "When someone says 'cool beans'," said Sandy, "these are the beans they're referring to." Lisa frowned. "I don't think that phrase is referring to any beans in particular...." "Feel them!" insisted Sandy. "See how cool they are?" "I'm not sure the phrase refers to their temperature, so much as...." "These are cool beans!" Lisa sighed. "I suppose you're right...."
January 31, 2026 at 6:33 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - The Danger Dog
"What goes into a Wyrmhaven Deep Fried Danger Dog?" the goblin repeated. "Don't you feel that you're better off not knowing? As they say, never ask how the sausage is made." "I would just like to know," replied Marcel the ranger, "that, for example, a beef hot dog is made of 100% beef..." "We use at least 90% real parts from real animals," replied the goblin promptly. "That does not sound reassuring...." "The truth is in the name! Every bite is an adventure into danger!"
January 30, 2026 at 2:40 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Tortoise Versus Hare
The tortoise stared long and hard at the chessboard, then slowly moved his bishop. "That," he said, "should be checkmate." "So it is," replied the hare. "You were arrogant," said the tortoise, "and full of confidence at the start of our match. But as always, slow and steady wins in the end." The hare laughed. "And what lessons are to be learned from you defeating me in chess?" The tortoise rolled his eyes. "Must everything we do include a lesson?"
January 29, 2026 at 2:41 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Magic Alcohol
Halford Cook set two cases of liquor on the bar. "More magical booze, Boss?" asked Aleks the bartender. "More absinthe and cinammon whiskey." The bartender frowned. "Could your daughter make something a little more... normal?" "Miasma magic is not meant to create alcohol from nothing," said Cook. "We're lucky Freydis makes anything at all." He rubbed his hands together. "They say that alcohol changes people. It especially changes the financial standing of those who sell it...."
January 28, 2026 at 2:38 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Goblyncore
"Tribal Goblyncore?" asked Freydis Cook, the only human at a goblin magic school. "It's goblin rock music," replied her friend Moldessa. "Chaat'oor is a really cool band. The guitarist is so dreamy!" The guitarist was a long-haired goblin. Freydis supposed by goblin standards he was probably dreamy. She listened. She heard guttural screaming, tribal rhythms, and chaotic guitars. "Khaavolaar!" exclaimed Freydis. "That sounds super spug!"
January 27, 2026 at 2:38 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Atoms in Love
"For a while," said the atom, "we were in love. He treated me well. But by the end, we could barely stand each other. And so... we split." Her friend looked out over the devastated wasteland. "And...?" "things," said the atom, "got a little heated...."
January 26, 2026 at 2:38 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
And the fireworks are going off! #seahawks.
January 26, 2026 at 2:58 AM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Busted
"I understand," said Principal Glipsour of Wyrmhaven Deep's Elite Magic Academy, "that you create alcohol by magic?" Freydis had provided absinthe for a party the previous Friday. She squirmed. "Um... yes?" Before he could say more she added, "I know everyone is underage for drinking, but...." "Freydis," said the principal, "you are human. You are unfamiliar with goblin culture. We do not worry when teenagers drink. "However," he continued, "if you could just provide me six bottles...."
January 25, 2026 at 7:14 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Signs of the Gods
"When the ground shakes," said Freya the Wise to Chief Sigrid, "we know that it is because of Loki writhing violently as he is punished in the underworld. When storms surge, we know it is Thor driving his chariot across the sky, or if a sea storm, it is Njord." She stared into the sky, where neon green clouds shaped like circus animals danced a rhumba, and rainbow-hue'd chihuahuas rained down. "Forgive me, my chief," she said. "This one's got me stumped..."
January 24, 2026 at 6:37 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Homemade
Moldessa stared at her lunch pail in despair. "Lunch from home again!" "You're lucky," replied Freydis Cook. "My mother isn't alive, and my father, despite owning a tavern, would never pack a lunch for me." "You don't understand," said Moldessa. "For goblins, caffeteria food is always superior to homemade." "Really? Why?" "It's the love," said Moldessa. "Mom can't help it, she always puts too much love into her cooking - and not nearly enough caustic chemicals...."
January 23, 2026 at 2:43 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Not an Ass
"Yesterday," said Medea's raven, "I bruised my uropygium." Lady Gygax sipped her tea. "Aren't you going to ask me what an uropygium is?" asked the bird after several moments. The lich regarded the familiar with empty sockets. "My Dear Raven," she said, "do you suggest that a former professor and world's most obessive reader of books does not know what uropygium means? I fear you are making an ass of yourself." The bird ruffled his feathers. "Don't say ass. It's a bird's rump."
January 22, 2026 at 2:42 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Death Peppers
"Freydis Cook's Spicy Wing Sauce?" asked Mr. Cook. "Isn't this just normal Wylbor's Wonderful Wing Sauce, created by your magic?" "Not quite," replied Freydis. "I added a bit of spice. I added Mordor Death Peppers." Her father laughed. "Don't be silly, Dear. You can't get those things around here." "Miasma magic, Dad," said Freydis. "I just wave my wand." Her father stared at the bottle. "Freydis Honey, we are going to make SO MUCH money...."
January 21, 2026 at 2:39 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Cinnamon Whiskey
"Cinnamon?" asked Moldessa. "In whiskey?" "Well," said Freydis, "I struggled to make whiskey. I wanted a strong scent to add to it - and my neighbor was making cinnamon rolls...." Moldessa tasted it. She wrinkled her nose. "Tastes like cinammon candy," she said. "I like cinammon candy," said Freydis. "Doesn't everyone like candy?" Moldessa shook her head. "Most goblins," she said, "are not big on candy or sweets." Freydis shrugged. "I'm sure it will sell in Dad's tavern...."
January 20, 2026 at 2:39 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Technically
"Alcohol is obvious," said Freydis. "It's absolutely a poison, so in theory I ought to be able to create any alcohol with Miasma magic." Moldessa laughed nervously. "You can conjure alcohol by magic?" "Yes." said Freydis. "Unfortunately, only strong-smelling alcohols work. I've managed this." She produced a bottle of green liquer. "Absinthe." Moldessa grinned. "Freydis, you may be human, but you're about to be the most popular girl in our school!"
January 19, 2026 at 2:36 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Kibosh
"I call this hat a Kibosh," said Cecelia. "Some say that the word comes from the Irish term caidhp bhais, literally a cap of death. They say it was headgear worn by a judge when pronouncing a death sentence. "So now," she said, "when you annoy me with your prattle, I'll put this hat on you and that is your indication that I wish you to stop talking, for I have literally put the Kibosh on you." Trisha rolled her eyes. "I think," she said, "I'll put the kibosh on this entire idea...."
January 18, 2026 at 8:06 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Instant
Medea's raven familiar hopped about on his skull excitedly, as the sorceress waved her hands and spoke several arcane words. A chocolate cupcake appeared on the table before the bird. "Finally!" the raven exclaimed, and greedily tore into the cupcake. Medea rolled her eyes. "Such a tortured life you lead, little bird. To have to wait three entire seconds for me to produce a treat!" Said the raven, "Instant gratification takes too long!"
January 17, 2026 at 6:27 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Absinthe
Moldessa wrinkled her nose. "Isn't absinthe a fairy liqueur?" "Humans call it the Green Fairy," said Freydis, "but it's not made by or for fairies." Moldessa tasted it. Her mouth puckered. "Oh, that's bitter! And strong!" She grinned. "Tastes like licorice!" "Traditionally," said Freydis, "humans sweeten it with a sugar cube...." "If you want to sell to goblins," said Moldessa, "don't say that last part."
January 16, 2026 at 2:38 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Spicy Miasma
"The secret to Miasma magic," said Freydis Cook, "is that it doesn't have to smell like rotting flesh, or be deadly poisonous. Many things are potentially poisonous in the right amounts - even water can kill you if you drink enough. And many smells are unpleasant in the right concentration." "Yes, granted," replied her friend Moldessa, "but... Cinnamon? Nutmeg? Cloves?" "Just 'cause no goblin uses Miasma to flavored their tea," said Freydis, "doesn't mean it can't be done."
January 15, 2026 at 2:36 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Duress
"Are you under duress?" asked Bearnice. "Under a dress?" Caiman frowned. "I'm wearing the dress. I'm not under it." "I meant," said Bearnice, "are you feeling any discomfort?" "No, it fits pretty well." "I don't mean the fit," Bearnice growled. "You're playing the part of a maiden in love, so I wanted to confirm that you don't mind wearing a dress...." The gator shrugged. "Bearnice, gender is a social construct. Especially for stuffed animals...."
January 14, 2026 at 2:40 PM
vanellopemint.bsky.social
Microfiction - Algorithm
"Algorithms," said Julia, "were invented by Mohammed Algorithm." Brett laughed. "And I suppose algebra was invented by Mustafa Algebra?" "No, that was also Algorithm." "And axioms are named after Alexander Axiom?" "Not that I'm aware of. However, bloomers owe their name to Amelia Bloomer." "Yes, and leotards are named after Miss Leotard...." "Mister Jules Léotard, actually," said Julia. "These are all eponymous words." "Which... was invented by Elizabeth Eponymous?" "If only!"
January 13, 2026 at 2:40 PM