valerie
@valeriesaidwhat.bsky.social
My neighbor Valerie is 28.
She's missing the part of her brain that tells people to keep certain thoughts to themselves…
She's missing the part of her brain that tells people to keep certain thoughts to themselves…
I need to focus on something other than life for a while.
Maybe I'll get a job.
Maybe I'll get a job.
August 11, 2025 at 6:43 PM
I need to focus on something other than life for a while.
Maybe I'll get a job.
Maybe I'll get a job.
I love mannequins.
There's nothing hotter than a man without a face.
There's nothing hotter than a man without a face.
August 4, 2025 at 11:18 AM
I love mannequins.
There's nothing hotter than a man without a face.
There's nothing hotter than a man without a face.
How was I flirting with you on our first date, at the Museum of Sex?
Oh. Right…
Oh. Right…
July 28, 2025 at 7:40 PM
How was I flirting with you on our first date, at the Museum of Sex?
Oh. Right…
Oh. Right…
I know I'm not wearing pants!
July 21, 2025 at 12:35 PM
I know I'm not wearing pants!
I'm going to get my coat.
Then, I'll criticize you some more.
Then, I'll criticize you some more.
July 14, 2025 at 12:21 PM
I'm going to get my coat.
Then, I'll criticize you some more.
Then, I'll criticize you some more.
It's easy to have sex with couples.
Couples are the most desperate people on Earth.
I've been part of a couple. I know this.
Couples are the most desperate people on Earth.
I've been part of a couple. I know this.
July 7, 2025 at 11:23 AM
It's easy to have sex with couples.
Couples are the most desperate people on Earth.
I've been part of a couple. I know this.
Couples are the most desperate people on Earth.
I've been part of a couple. I know this.
I'm so horny — even his text messages are turning me on.
Wait. Something's vibrating in my pocket…
Wait. Something's vibrating in my pocket…
June 30, 2025 at 12:25 PM
I'm so horny — even his text messages are turning me on.
Wait. Something's vibrating in my pocket…
Wait. Something's vibrating in my pocket…
I'll eat with strangers.
I'll drink with strangers.
But I refuse to have sex with strangers.
Well, most strangers…
I'll drink with strangers.
But I refuse to have sex with strangers.
Well, most strangers…
June 23, 2025 at 2:40 PM
I'll eat with strangers.
I'll drink with strangers.
But I refuse to have sex with strangers.
Well, most strangers…
I'll drink with strangers.
But I refuse to have sex with strangers.
Well, most strangers…
Don't ask me to give you any more compliments.
I think that's enough for one day.
I think that's enough for one day.
June 16, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Don't ask me to give you any more compliments.
I think that's enough for one day.
I think that's enough for one day.
Chef Boyardee is disgusting.
It's like cat food for humans.
It's like cat food for humans.
June 9, 2025 at 12:10 PM
Chef Boyardee is disgusting.
It's like cat food for humans.
It's like cat food for humans.
No one remind me of penises.
I'll probably never see one again.
I'll probably never see one again.
June 2, 2025 at 11:10 AM
No one remind me of penises.
I'll probably never see one again.
I'll probably never see one again.
I used to think babies were cute.
But they're not.
They have deformed faces that might look normal when they grow up.
If they're lucky.
But they're not.
They have deformed faces that might look normal when they grow up.
If they're lucky.
May 26, 2025 at 10:22 AM
I used to think babies were cute.
But they're not.
They have deformed faces that might look normal when they grow up.
If they're lucky.
But they're not.
They have deformed faces that might look normal when they grow up.
If they're lucky.
Finding a shrink is harder than finding a boyfriend.
There should be a match-dot-com for people who need shrinks.
There should be a match-dot-com for people who need shrinks.
May 19, 2025 at 11:54 AM
Finding a shrink is harder than finding a boyfriend.
There should be a match-dot-com for people who need shrinks.
There should be a match-dot-com for people who need shrinks.
You're a terrible hugger. You need to take a hugging class.
Can you study hugging?
Can you study hugging?
May 12, 2025 at 12:30 PM
You're a terrible hugger. You need to take a hugging class.
Can you study hugging?
Can you study hugging?
The world looks so much more beautiful with a blinding light in your face.
May 5, 2025 at 10:38 AM
The world looks so much more beautiful with a blinding light in your face.
One day, when you're famous, everyone will realize what a freak you are.
April 28, 2025 at 12:22 PM
One day, when you're famous, everyone will realize what a freak you are.
I'm almost 29. I'm out of bloom.
I can't even get laid now without a career…
I can't even get laid now without a career…
April 21, 2025 at 12:16 PM
I'm almost 29. I'm out of bloom.
I can't even get laid now without a career…
I can't even get laid now without a career…
Food always tastes better when it's taken from someone else's plate.
You know?
You know?
April 14, 2025 at 12:05 PM
Food always tastes better when it's taken from someone else's plate.
You know?
You know?
Fuck it.
I don't need any children.
You know what? I think I'll just go shopping for a coffin…
I don't need any children.
You know what? I think I'll just go shopping for a coffin…
April 7, 2025 at 10:22 AM
Fuck it.
I don't need any children.
You know what? I think I'll just go shopping for a coffin…
I don't need any children.
You know what? I think I'll just go shopping for a coffin…
I just want my forehead paralyzed. What don't you understand?
You're all morons!
You're all morons!
March 31, 2025 at 9:02 AM
I just want my forehead paralyzed. What don't you understand?
You're all morons!
You're all morons!
Kissing you is like kissing a corpse.
March 24, 2025 at 2:14 PM
Kissing you is like kissing a corpse.
I don't have a sex life anymore. I have no sex drive.
I'm like your grandmother.
When you think of your grandmother, think of me.
I'm like your grandmother.
When you think of your grandmother, think of me.
March 17, 2025 at 1:13 PM
I don't have a sex life anymore. I have no sex drive.
I'm like your grandmother.
When you think of your grandmother, think of me.
I'm like your grandmother.
When you think of your grandmother, think of me.
You're just like Nicholas Cage in "Adaptation" — fat, balding, and middle-aged.
…
Except, he was a genius.
…
Except, he was a genius.
March 10, 2025 at 10:10 AM
You're just like Nicholas Cage in "Adaptation" — fat, balding, and middle-aged.
…
Except, he was a genius.
…
Except, he was a genius.
Awww… What's with the face?
You look like a sea urchin.
Cheer up!
You look like a sea urchin.
Cheer up!
March 3, 2025 at 10:20 AM
Awww… What's with the face?
You look like a sea urchin.
Cheer up!
You look like a sea urchin.
Cheer up!
Why is everyone working?
This is such a goddam joke…
This is such a goddam joke…
February 24, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Why is everyone working?
This is such a goddam joke…
This is such a goddam joke…