Umbrella Corporation Updates
@umbrellacorphq.bsky.social
Messaging from Umbrella Corporation's PR and HR departments.
[ Our business is life itself!™ ]
(curated by @lucyamorris.bsky.social and @meltedmasks.me)
[ Our business is life itself!™ ]
(curated by @lucyamorris.bsky.social and @meltedmasks.me)
ok but the last time we had a CEO crash out several cities got hit with nuclear bombs
October 7, 2025 at 12:53 AM
ok but the last time we had a CEO crash out several cities got hit with nuclear bombs
To test your operational readiness, management have released a Tyrant class BOW into this facility. This is ONLY A TEST, and therefore does not trigger the death and dismemberment clause in your medical coverage.
October 5, 2025 at 8:19 AM
To test your operational readiness, management have released a Tyrant class BOW into this facility. This is ONLY A TEST, and therefore does not trigger the death and dismemberment clause in your medical coverage.
So hungry you could eat a horse? Try the new Edible Mini-Horse from Umbrella Toronto. We've made horses smaller and juicier than ever before.
October 4, 2025 at 5:52 AM
So hungry you could eat a horse? Try the new Edible Mini-Horse from Umbrella Toronto. We've made horses smaller and juicier than ever before.
Whoever put Kumar's severed head on the east wing gate spike that is NOT FUNNY, Kumar said that's the one thing he didn't want to happen to his head.
October 3, 2025 at 2:59 AM
Whoever put Kumar's severed head on the east wing gate spike that is NOT FUNNY, Kumar said that's the one thing he didn't want to happen to his head.
don't drink the t-virus, don't bake the t-virus into cookies, don't stick the t-virus up your ass... this company used to be cool, man
October 3, 2025 at 2:34 AM
don't drink the t-virus, don't bake the t-virus into cookies, don't stick the t-virus up your ass... this company used to be cool, man
rabbit but the ears are mouths [found on a discarded sticky note, unsigned]
October 3, 2025 at 12:57 AM
rabbit but the ears are mouths [found on a discarded sticky note, unsigned]
its getting a lot harder to secretly supply governments with bioweapons since LinkedIn added "illegal bioweapon expert" to our profile tags
October 2, 2025 at 11:18 PM
its getting a lot harder to secretly supply governments with bioweapons since LinkedIn added "illegal bioweapon expert" to our profile tags
Blue Umbrella CEO Kay Benson would like to assure shareholders she has everything under control, that "waffles are delicious" and that the stockpile of guns in her office is cosmetic.
She also noted that she does not hate trans people, stating "some of our best employees recently transformed."
She also noted that she does not hate trans people, stating "some of our best employees recently transformed."
October 2, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Blue Umbrella CEO Kay Benson would like to assure shareholders she has everything under control, that "waffles are delicious" and that the stockpile of guns in her office is cosmetic.
She also noted that she does not hate trans people, stating "some of our best employees recently transformed."
She also noted that she does not hate trans people, stating "some of our best employees recently transformed."
Recently there have been several articles in the media suggesting issues of gender equality at our company. Rest assured that the small but powerful minorty of female and non-binary executives at Umbrella have just as many war crime allegations as their male colleagues.
October 2, 2025 at 7:29 PM
Recently there have been several articles in the media suggesting issues of gender equality at our company. Rest assured that the small but powerful minorty of female and non-binary executives at Umbrella have just as many war crime allegations as their male colleagues.
does mutating with the g-virus make you a furry?
October 2, 2025 at 11:05 AM
does mutating with the g-virus make you a furry?
Reposted by Umbrella Corporation Updates
v.hapler (9:55pm): so they dug up the amber with the plagas parasite inside
v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing
v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball
v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L
v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing
v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball
v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L
October 2, 2025 at 3:53 AM
v.hapler (9:55pm): so they dug up the amber with the plagas parasite inside
v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing
v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball
v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L
v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing
v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball
v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L
v.hapler (9:55pm): so they dug up the amber with the plagas parasite inside
v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing
v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball
v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L
v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing
v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball
v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L
October 2, 2025 at 3:53 AM
v.hapler (9:55pm): so they dug up the amber with the plagas parasite inside
v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing
v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball
v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L
v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing
v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball
v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L
licker? i barely even know her! but yeah, in answer to your question, christine WAS killed and eaten
October 2, 2025 at 2:49 AM
licker? i barely even know her! but yeah, in answer to your question, christine WAS killed and eaten
Rollout of Umbrella's new Gem That Makes You Evil has been so successful that we're expanding the range. Soon you will have access to:
- Gem That Makes You Good At Sports
-Gem That Makes You Hot
-Gem That Makes You Respect Your Boss, and
-Gem That Makes You Uncontrollably Defecate On Command
- Gem That Makes You Good At Sports
-Gem That Makes You Hot
-Gem That Makes You Respect Your Boss, and
-Gem That Makes You Uncontrollably Defecate On Command
October 2, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Rollout of Umbrella's new Gem That Makes You Evil has been so successful that we're expanding the range. Soon you will have access to:
- Gem That Makes You Good At Sports
-Gem That Makes You Hot
-Gem That Makes You Respect Your Boss, and
-Gem That Makes You Uncontrollably Defecate On Command
- Gem That Makes You Good At Sports
-Gem That Makes You Hot
-Gem That Makes You Respect Your Boss, and
-Gem That Makes You Uncontrollably Defecate On Command
can skeleton be a zombie
October 2, 2025 at 12:31 AM
can skeleton be a zombie
b.benson: so the fake bee goes on the bee board and unlocks the bee key, but there's a real bee hidden with the key that will sting anyone who takes the key, and the bee is infected... with the t-virus? why
y.jas: idk i think we were making honey moisturizer or bee guns or something
y.jas: idk i think we were making honey moisturizer or bee guns or something
October 1, 2025 at 10:34 PM
b.benson: so the fake bee goes on the bee board and unlocks the bee key, but there's a real bee hidden with the key that will sting anyone who takes the key, and the bee is infected... with the t-virus? why
y.jas: idk i think we were making honey moisturizer or bee guns or something
y.jas: idk i think we were making honey moisturizer or bee guns or something
Senator, there is nothing strongly linking those creatures to our company; they could have gotten those Umbrella lab coats anywhere.
October 1, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Senator, there is nothing strongly linking those creatures to our company; they could have gotten those Umbrella lab coats anywhere.
Tentacles entering the mouth is a staff medical issue, tentacles exiting the mouth is a company property issue
October 1, 2025 at 6:54 AM
Tentacles entering the mouth is a staff medical issue, tentacles exiting the mouth is a company property issue
Dr Isaacs, these statements indicate you spent 63% of your operating budget on chandeliers and clone tubes, and that you requested a total write-off for a "slave-powered battle tank"
October 1, 2025 at 3:37 AM
Dr Isaacs, these statements indicate you spent 63% of your operating budget on chandeliers and clone tubes, and that you requested a total write-off for a "slave-powered battle tank"
Red herbal remedy (tablet form) has been recently recalled from sale due to a very small percentage of the tablet coating materials containing batrachotoxin. Full refunds are available for customers who do not suffer terminal cardiac arrest.
Dear @umbrellacorphq.bsky.social, I am using your new “red herbal remedy” tablets and they appear to have no effect. Could you please advise or should I return them for a refund?
September 30, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Red herbal remedy (tablet form) has been recently recalled from sale due to a very small percentage of the tablet coating materials containing batrachotoxin. Full refunds are available for customers who do not suffer terminal cardiac arrest.
Thank you for calling the Umbrella Product Services Hotline. Your life is our lifeblood. If you have taken Nuvascol and are experiencing fingertip boils, please press 1.
September 30, 2025 at 10:14 PM
Thank you for calling the Umbrella Product Services Hotline. Your life is our lifeblood. If you have taken Nuvascol and are experiencing fingertip boils, please press 1.
As of COB on the 30th of June all queer zombies will be incinerated
June 30, 2025 at 5:51 AM
As of COB on the 30th of June all queer zombies will be incinerated
is leon s kennedy related to john f kennedy
June 20, 2025 at 5:13 AM
is leon s kennedy related to john f kennedy
All our employees are flesh and blood, not AI. In fact, many of our staff members have described themselves as having "too much flesh" and stated "please help, there's more every day."
June 20, 2025 at 4:15 AM
All our employees are flesh and blood, not AI. In fact, many of our staff members have described themselves as having "too much flesh" and stated "please help, there's more every day."