Town Guard
@townguard.bsky.social
I guard the town. Don't even try those charms, I can see thee casting them.
I've seen a wizard cast dominate monster on a man's own skeleton. It was a terrifying thing.
February 7, 2026 at 5:52 PM
I've seen a wizard cast dominate monster on a man's own skeleton. It was a terrifying thing.
New Adventurers; when packing thy rations for the trail, I recommend thou includes a few dried berries or the humble radish in every meal.
Such foods stave off the teeth-falling-out-and-old-scars-reopening disease.
Such foods stave off the teeth-falling-out-and-old-scars-reopening disease.
February 7, 2026 at 6:53 AM
New Adventurers; when packing thy rations for the trail, I recommend thou includes a few dried berries or the humble radish in every meal.
Such foods stave off the teeth-falling-out-and-old-scars-reopening disease.
Such foods stave off the teeth-falling-out-and-old-scars-reopening disease.
Didn't sleep great last night, any wizard have a spare sleep spell to assure I've a good night's rest tonight?
February 6, 2026 at 8:22 PM
Didn't sleep great last night, any wizard have a spare sleep spell to assure I've a good night's rest tonight?
Disregard. A druid had summoned it.
I'd always thought they were magically transported by such a spell, not that they just flew to where they were called.
I'd always thought they were magically transported by such a spell, not that they just flew to where they were called.
Saw a griffin flying northward. Perhaps winter be nearing its end.
February 6, 2026 at 2:20 PM
Disregard. A druid had summoned it.
I'd always thought they were magically transported by such a spell, not that they just flew to where they were called.
I'd always thought they were magically transported by such a spell, not that they just flew to where they were called.
Saw a griffin flying northward. Perhaps winter be nearing its end.
February 5, 2026 at 7:25 PM
Saw a griffin flying northward. Perhaps winter be nearing its end.
Cold mornings make the Missus' furred embrace all the harder to leave.
February 5, 2026 at 7:20 PM
Cold mornings make the Missus' furred embrace all the harder to leave.
Just saw a brain with...legs? Walking around like some kind of dog?? Wizards??? What is this????
February 4, 2026 at 6:06 PM
Just saw a brain with...legs? Walking around like some kind of dog?? Wizards??? What is this????
Sometimes I fear I have nothing new to say, so I hit travelers with the old:
"ERROR: I HAVE NO GREETING"
"ERROR: I HAVE NO GREETING"
February 4, 2026 at 1:11 PM
Sometimes I fear I have nothing new to say, so I hit travelers with the old:
"ERROR: I HAVE NO GREETING"
"ERROR: I HAVE NO GREETING"
If you challenge someone to a duel, then you also have the obligation to clean up after.
February 2, 2026 at 7:27 PM
If you challenge someone to a duel, then you also have the obligation to clean up after.
I find that most acts of good are not glorious. To the contrary, I find most are quiet, dangerous things. Wherein one risks their own comfort and convenience to tip the balance of futures towards a better direction.
January 30, 2026 at 12:45 PM
I find that most acts of good are not glorious. To the contrary, I find most are quiet, dangerous things. Wherein one risks their own comfort and convenience to tip the balance of futures towards a better direction.
I can be shivering aside a fire, and there'll always be youths outside in barely a cloak, seemingly untouched by the cold.
January 29, 2026 at 3:27 PM
I can be shivering aside a fire, and there'll always be youths outside in barely a cloak, seemingly untouched by the cold.
Really hope the king adds some hourdes to the walls this year. I appreciate a good battlement, aye, but as much betwixt mine head and a rain of arrows as can be afforded would be appreciated more.
January 27, 2026 at 5:06 PM
Really hope the king adds some hourdes to the walls this year. I appreciate a good battlement, aye, but as much betwixt mine head and a rain of arrows as can be afforded would be appreciated more.
Cold days like this make me envy the fur of some of our fellow citizens.
January 27, 2026 at 4:02 PM
Cold days like this make me envy the fur of some of our fellow citizens.
Aye, this wretched snow really be mustering some height.
January 24, 2026 at 11:43 PM
Aye, this wretched snow really be mustering some height.
Most of the watch will be in their towers and barracks: can't have the lads and lasses freezing their fingers off.
January 24, 2026 at 1:21 PM
Most of the watch will be in their towers and barracks: can't have the lads and lasses freezing their fingers off.
Best stay in for the next few days. Local ice wizard went mad and is sending "the full reign of winter" our way. Adventurers will probably have it solved in about a week.
January 23, 2026 at 4:18 PM
Best stay in for the next few days. Local ice wizard went mad and is sending "the full reign of winter" our way. Adventurers will probably have it solved in about a week.
Thou art not cringe.
Thou art the pog-champion.
Thou art the pog-champion.
January 22, 2026 at 7:27 PM
Thou art not cringe.
Thou art the pog-champion.
Thou art the pog-champion.
In an initiative to aid the poor, the Town Watch has agreed to provide the people of our fine lands the chance to push members of the watch into the icy moat.
Any such monies collected will be given unto the 'Fine Cloaks for Fine Friends' charity put on the Church of the Dawnflower.
Any such monies collected will be given unto the 'Fine Cloaks for Fine Friends' charity put on the Church of the Dawnflower.
January 21, 2026 at 3:38 PM
In an initiative to aid the poor, the Town Watch has agreed to provide the people of our fine lands the chance to push members of the watch into the icy moat.
Any such monies collected will be given unto the 'Fine Cloaks for Fine Friends' charity put on the Church of the Dawnflower.
Any such monies collected will be given unto the 'Fine Cloaks for Fine Friends' charity put on the Church of the Dawnflower.
There's a small coven of about four maids whom always fervently ask to see the dungeon.
It's beginning to make me feel uncomfortable.
It's beginning to make me feel uncomfortable.
January 19, 2026 at 3:06 AM
There's a small coven of about four maids whom always fervently ask to see the dungeon.
It's beginning to make me feel uncomfortable.
It's beginning to make me feel uncomfortable.
Hope the alchemists come up with something to make fire easier. Flint is fine, but often do I cut mine hand when I strike iron awkwardly.
January 18, 2026 at 3:44 AM
Hope the alchemists come up with something to make fire easier. Flint is fine, but often do I cut mine hand when I strike iron awkwardly.
Sometimes I am so taken by lust towards the old missus that I feel a fool for how much passion heats mine chest.
January 16, 2026 at 2:40 PM
Sometimes I am so taken by lust towards the old missus that I feel a fool for how much passion heats mine chest.
Be kind to thyself. Thou art, at the end of the day, thy final champion.
January 15, 2026 at 6:05 PM
Be kind to thyself. Thou art, at the end of the day, thy final champion.
Some men lament that the comforts of the world hath made them "softer" than their ancestors. I assure thee, any good parent would want to see thee clothed, warm, and fed.
January 15, 2026 at 3:13 AM
Some men lament that the comforts of the world hath made them "softer" than their ancestors. I assure thee, any good parent would want to see thee clothed, warm, and fed.
Update: Many of the fools, after much taunting and mockery, seem to have simply left.
Update: Upon break of dawn did they begin moving the tower towards the wall. It is sunk now in the moat.
Update: they realized their mistake.
January 13, 2026 at 7:25 PM
Update: Many of the fools, after much taunting and mockery, seem to have simply left.