Town Guard
@townguard.bsky.social
I guard the town. Yes, yes, I know. You're the chosen hero of the ancient prophecy, but thou art going to be searched like any other wayfarer.
Thou may notice the town watch will be a little short staffed. Someone has polymorphed a portion of the muster to be half their normal size and we're working on a fix.
November 13, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Thou may notice the town watch will be a little short staffed. Someone has polymorphed a portion of the muster to be half their normal size and we're working on a fix.
I'm not saying Ser Merritt the Unbound is as clumsy as three kobolds in a suit of armor, I am saying quite literally that I think Ser Merritt is three kobolds in a suit of stolen armor, and at this point, am unsure if none else have noticed or if everyone has simply agreed to accept it.
November 13, 2025 at 3:34 PM
I'm not saying Ser Merritt the Unbound is as clumsy as three kobolds in a suit of armor, I am saying quite literally that I think Ser Merritt is three kobolds in a suit of stolen armor, and at this point, am unsure if none else have noticed or if everyone has simply agreed to accept it.
By any measure of the eye, mine new cloak be of an amateur's work. But I shalt wear it with pride, for it is wrought by mine own hand.
November 13, 2025 at 12:45 AM
By any measure of the eye, mine new cloak be of an amateur's work. But I shalt wear it with pride, for it is wrought by mine own hand.
"Thou should drink something healthy, like water".
Water??? Like from a well?? At-least boil it into a tea or something!
Water??? Like from a well?? At-least boil it into a tea or something!
November 12, 2025 at 3:02 PM
"Thou should drink something healthy, like water".
Water??? Like from a well?? At-least boil it into a tea or something!
Water??? Like from a well?? At-least boil it into a tea or something!
Word in the court is that the town watch might be getting some chainmail (to share).
November 12, 2025 at 12:51 AM
Word in the court is that the town watch might be getting some chainmail (to share).
The gales of November be upon us.
November 11, 2025 at 3:01 AM
The gales of November be upon us.
What a terrible thing they fey hath: to be weak to iron. The most common metal we have.
November 10, 2025 at 10:04 PM
What a terrible thing they fey hath: to be weak to iron. The most common metal we have.
The Missus has assured me that, were I to perish, she would personally travel unto Mercuria and wrench me from Torm's loving embrace to fulfill mine husbandly duties.
November 9, 2025 at 8:59 PM
The Missus has assured me that, were I to perish, she would personally travel unto Mercuria and wrench me from Torm's loving embrace to fulfill mine husbandly duties.
I speak oft of the goods of elves and dwarves, but I must say: if thou had meat smoked and seared by an orc? Thou knowest they surpass their peers in the culinary art.
November 7, 2025 at 4:36 PM
I speak oft of the goods of elves and dwarves, but I must say: if thou had meat smoked and seared by an orc? Thou knowest they surpass their peers in the culinary art.
It be easy to be hard on oneself, and hard to be easy on oneself.
November 7, 2025 at 1:47 AM
It be easy to be hard on oneself, and hard to be easy on oneself.
How hard be it to make a good cloak, I wonder?
November 6, 2025 at 11:55 PM
How hard be it to make a good cloak, I wonder?
Has thou ever noticed whenever there is a masquerade it always be a cult or vampire or noble conspiracy thing? It be never just a party?
November 6, 2025 at 5:52 PM
Has thou ever noticed whenever there is a masquerade it always be a cult or vampire or noble conspiracy thing? It be never just a party?
As a reminder, tomb-raiding is still a crime. Ruins should be examined by scholars, not picked clean by adventurers.
November 5, 2025 at 4:40 PM
As a reminder, tomb-raiding is still a crime. Ruins should be examined by scholars, not picked clean by adventurers.
There be never a good reason to underestimate any foe.
November 4, 2025 at 5:46 PM
There be never a good reason to underestimate any foe.
Whoever just lanced the town windmill, thou art going to have to pay for that.
November 4, 2025 at 12:55 AM
Whoever just lanced the town windmill, thou art going to have to pay for that.
The thing that frightens me most is that adventurers can take a mortal wound and just sleep it off. No magic. No potions. Just 8 hours sleep, and their sucking chest wound is gone.
November 3, 2025 at 4:18 PM
The thing that frightens me most is that adventurers can take a mortal wound and just sleep it off. No magic. No potions. Just 8 hours sleep, and their sucking chest wound is gone.
I saw an adventurer with a handsome cloak. I asked where I could make purchase of such a garment. He I formed me it was only available with "premium currency". What bollocks be that? Premium currency??? What, gold be not good enough for thee???
November 2, 2025 at 3:54 AM
I saw an adventurer with a handsome cloak. I asked where I could make purchase of such a garment. He I formed me it was only available with "premium currency". What bollocks be that? Premium currency??? What, gold be not good enough for thee???
HARK:
After many concerning letters. Ser Humpty Dumpty will be making a "show of life" at the palace garden. Tag note: Ser Dumpty has an adverse reaction unto holy water. Do not bring any near him.
After many concerning letters. Ser Humpty Dumpty will be making a "show of life" at the palace garden. Tag note: Ser Dumpty has an adverse reaction unto holy water. Do not bring any near him.
November 2, 2025 at 1:03 AM
HARK:
After many concerning letters. Ser Humpty Dumpty will be making a "show of life" at the palace garden. Tag note: Ser Dumpty has an adverse reaction unto holy water. Do not bring any near him.
After many concerning letters. Ser Humpty Dumpty will be making a "show of life" at the palace garden. Tag note: Ser Dumpty has an adverse reaction unto holy water. Do not bring any near him.
Thou may see an increase in ghouls and goblins tonight. As a reminder: THESE ART CHILDREN. Please do not hex/curse/cleave/fireball them.
October 31, 2025 at 12:46 PM
Thou may see an increase in ghouls and goblins tonight. As a reminder: THESE ART CHILDREN. Please do not hex/curse/cleave/fireball them.
At this time, The Town Watch will not be making any announcements about Ser Dumpety and his current condition. Thou art directed to thy local town crier for more information.
I am being told that the initial report be misunderstood, and instead, Ser Dumpty had "a fantastic autumn", as opposed to any injuries. The Town Watch, however, has not been able to verify this correction, nor had any contact with Ser Dumpty.
If initial reports art to be believed, local town icon "Humpty Dumpty" may have had a great fall.
October 29, 2025 at 2:42 PM
At this time, The Town Watch will not be making any announcements about Ser Dumpety and his current condition. Thou art directed to thy local town crier for more information.
I am being told that the initial report be misunderstood, and instead, Ser Dumpty had "a fantastic autumn", as opposed to any injuries. The Town Watch, however, has not been able to verify this correction, nor had any contact with Ser Dumpty.
If initial reports art to be believed, local town icon "Humpty Dumpty" may have had a great fall.
October 28, 2025 at 11:35 PM
I am being told that the initial report be misunderstood, and instead, Ser Dumpty had "a fantastic autumn", as opposed to any injuries. The Town Watch, however, has not been able to verify this correction, nor had any contact with Ser Dumpty.
If initial reports art to be believed, local town icon "Humpty Dumpty" may have had a great fall.
October 28, 2025 at 5:59 PM
If initial reports art to be believed, local town icon "Humpty Dumpty" may have had a great fall.
I be set to speak before the king in court today.
October 28, 2025 at 4:51 PM
I be set to speak before the king in court today.
Mine armor hath enough scuffs and dents to prove it's worth.
October 27, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Mine armor hath enough scuffs and dents to prove it's worth.