Todd C.
@toddchap.bsky.social
Accountant by day, funny musician by night. PA by way of DE.
A baby boy has been born to an Ohio couple from an embryo frozen in 1994. The baby is fine, although he will only drink Zima.
July 31, 2025 at 11:05 PM
A baby boy has been born to an Ohio couple from an embryo frozen in 1994. The baby is fine, although he will only drink Zima.
Too dumb for Jeopardy, too old for Pop Culture Jeopardy.
June 5, 2025 at 1:53 AM
Too dumb for Jeopardy, too old for Pop Culture Jeopardy.
My wife has a huge trade deficit with Amazon. They NEVER buy anything from her.
April 9, 2025 at 5:13 PM
My wife has a huge trade deficit with Amazon. They NEVER buy anything from her.
My name is Inigo Montoya.
I’ll be your waiter.
Prepare to dine.
I’ll be your waiter.
Prepare to dine.
April 2, 2025 at 8:01 PM
My name is Inigo Montoya.
I’ll be your waiter.
Prepare to dine.
I’ll be your waiter.
Prepare to dine.
BREAKING: The White House just announced that all war plans must now be sent on Facebook Messenger.
March 25, 2025 at 1:58 AM
BREAKING: The White House just announced that all war plans must now be sent on Facebook Messenger.
Reposted by Todd C.
you’re fired. wait you’re rehired. email us a list of things you’ve done today wait forget it you’re fired again. come back your job was important. you’re fired. or hired. come in to the office. wait the office has no computers go home. we are the department of government efficiency.
March 5, 2025 at 10:34 PM
you’re fired. wait you’re rehired. email us a list of things you’ve done today wait forget it you’re fired again. come back your job was important. you’re fired. or hired. come in to the office. wait the office has no computers go home. we are the department of government efficiency.
Dear Elon -
Unfortunately, I only accomplished 3 things last week:
1. Cut a hole in a box
2. Put my junk in that box
3. Made her open the box
Unfortunately, I only accomplished 3 things last week:
1. Cut a hole in a box
2. Put my junk in that box
3. Made her open the box
February 26, 2025 at 11:50 PM
Dear Elon -
Unfortunately, I only accomplished 3 things last week:
1. Cut a hole in a box
2. Put my junk in that box
3. Made her open the box
Unfortunately, I only accomplished 3 things last week:
1. Cut a hole in a box
2. Put my junk in that box
3. Made her open the box
On parade day on Broad Street, the #Eagles gave to me:
12 Mummers mumming
11 vapers vaping
10 hours of drinking
9 people freezing
8 broken awnings
7 windows busted
6 greased up light poles
5 DUIs
4 million people
3 flipped cars
2 thousand fireworks
AND ANOTHER LOMBARDI TROPHY
12 Mummers mumming
11 vapers vaping
10 hours of drinking
9 people freezing
8 broken awnings
7 windows busted
6 greased up light poles
5 DUIs
4 million people
3 flipped cars
2 thousand fireworks
AND ANOTHER LOMBARDI TROPHY
February 13, 2025 at 6:45 PM
On parade day on Broad Street, the #Eagles gave to me:
12 Mummers mumming
11 vapers vaping
10 hours of drinking
9 people freezing
8 broken awnings
7 windows busted
6 greased up light poles
5 DUIs
4 million people
3 flipped cars
2 thousand fireworks
AND ANOTHER LOMBARDI TROPHY
12 Mummers mumming
11 vapers vaping
10 hours of drinking
9 people freezing
8 broken awnings
7 windows busted
6 greased up light poles
5 DUIs
4 million people
3 flipped cars
2 thousand fireworks
AND ANOTHER LOMBARDI TROPHY
February 10, 2025 at 12:36 AM
Since it is tax season, I should remind everybody that mullets are NOT tax deductible - even if they are strictly used for "business in the front".
February 7, 2025 at 12:56 AM
Since it is tax season, I should remind everybody that mullets are NOT tax deductible - even if they are strictly used for "business in the front".
Egg prices too high? Can’t they just release some eggs from the National Egg Reserve?
February 4, 2025 at 9:33 AM
Egg prices too high? Can’t they just release some eggs from the National Egg Reserve?
Watching the news:
What they said:
“Police sources have indicated that the black box of the airplane has been found.”
What I heard:
“Police horses have indicated that the black box of the airplane has been found.”
What they said:
“Police sources have indicated that the black box of the airplane has been found.”
What I heard:
“Police horses have indicated that the black box of the airplane has been found.”
February 3, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Watching the news:
What they said:
“Police sources have indicated that the black box of the airplane has been found.”
What I heard:
“Police horses have indicated that the black box of the airplane has been found.”
What they said:
“Police sources have indicated that the black box of the airplane has been found.”
What I heard:
“Police horses have indicated that the black box of the airplane has been found.”
SATURDAY FEB 8 - Folks, this is going to be an awesome show with my friends Theresa Hummel-Krallinger and Chip Chantry in beautiful Aston, PA! Hope to see you there.
January 31, 2025 at 3:26 AM
SATURDAY FEB 8 - Folks, this is going to be an awesome show with my friends Theresa Hummel-Krallinger and Chip Chantry in beautiful Aston, PA! Hope to see you there.
We will call it the Gulf of America when you start calling people by their preferred pronouns.
January 24, 2025 at 11:49 AM
We will call it the Gulf of America when you start calling people by their preferred pronouns.
Only 127 more Executive Orders until pitchers and catchers.
January 22, 2025 at 2:12 PM
Only 127 more Executive Orders until pitchers and catchers.
Is it me, or is Melania Trump dressed like Carmen Sandiego going to a funeral?
January 20, 2025 at 11:36 PM
Is it me, or is Melania Trump dressed like Carmen Sandiego going to a funeral?
The #Phillies should put a cut out of Bob Uecker in the front row for opening day, then after the first inning move it to the upper deck.
January 17, 2025 at 2:46 AM
The #Phillies should put a cut out of Bob Uecker in the front row for opening day, then after the first inning move it to the upper deck.
Saturday January 18! Shane Palko and I will be tearing it up at the Delaware Friends of Folk Coffeehouse in Dover, DE! Show starts at 7:30 pm. Tickets available at www.delfolk.org/store
Store — Delaware Friends of Folk
www.delfolk.org
January 17, 2025 at 12:50 AM
Saturday January 18! Shane Palko and I will be tearing it up at the Delaware Friends of Folk Coffeehouse in Dover, DE! Show starts at 7:30 pm. Tickets available at www.delfolk.org/store
I’m officially at the “Skechers Slip-Ins” stage of my life.
January 12, 2025 at 7:43 PM
I’m officially at the “Skechers Slip-Ins” stage of my life.
🎶
Greenland is their land
It isn’t your land
You want to buy it
Don’t even try it
They said no way now
So go away now
Greenland is private property
🎶
Greenland is their land
It isn’t your land
You want to buy it
Don’t even try it
They said no way now
So go away now
Greenland is private property
🎶
January 8, 2025 at 1:57 PM
🎶
Greenland is their land
It isn’t your land
You want to buy it
Don’t even try it
They said no way now
So go away now
Greenland is private property
🎶
Greenland is their land
It isn’t your land
You want to buy it
Don’t even try it
They said no way now
So go away now
Greenland is private property
🎶
Just got the pneumonia shot and my first shingles shot at the same time. Will post again later to let you know that I’m still alive.
January 3, 2025 at 4:13 PM
Just got the pneumonia shot and my first shingles shot at the same time. Will post again later to let you know that I’m still alive.
Dude, this is the last new app I get on, I swear. I’m in my 50’s, for god’s sake.
January 1, 2025 at 7:12 AM
Dude, this is the last new app I get on, I swear. I’m in my 50’s, for god’s sake.