Tim Madison
@timmadison.bsky.social
story monkey, husband, father, gymkata enthusiast
Pinned
Tim Madison
@timmadison.bsky.social
· Nov 14
It comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or Arby's.
The White House physician pronounced Trump in "excellent health" and attributed the President's condition to a sort of human pickling process caused by a combination of toxic narcissism, insatiable resentment, and there being no justice in a fundamentally cruel and indifferent universe.
April 13, 2025 at 5:37 PM
The White House physician pronounced Trump in "excellent health" and attributed the President's condition to a sort of human pickling process caused by a combination of toxic narcissism, insatiable resentment, and there being no justice in a fundamentally cruel and indifferent universe.
I imagine RFK Jr.'s brain gives off an odor like a bad tooth.
April 4, 2025 at 3:15 PM
I imagine RFK Jr.'s brain gives off an odor like a bad tooth.
The Siberian flying squirrel just wants to watch the world burn.
March 28, 2025 at 7:03 PM
The Siberian flying squirrel just wants to watch the world burn.
My go-to karaoke song is whimpering softly while curled on the floor in a fetal position. I mean, really any song could be playing, so, I guess Wonderwall?
March 28, 2025 at 6:57 PM
My go-to karaoke song is whimpering softly while curled on the floor in a fetal position. I mean, really any song could be playing, so, I guess Wonderwall?
You know who history's greatest monster is? That guy I accidentally included on my top secret group text. What a piece of shit!
March 26, 2025 at 4:53 PM
You know who history's greatest monster is? That guy I accidentally included on my top secret group text. What a piece of shit!
There's no ointment for a broken heart, Amazon. Stand by for a class action lawsuit.
March 24, 2025 at 9:43 PM
There's no ointment for a broken heart, Amazon. Stand by for a class action lawsuit.
When you're born loving the Bible and the Constitution, you don't have to bother reading that shit. You just channel the freedom vibes.
March 22, 2025 at 8:56 PM
When you're born loving the Bible and the Constitution, you don't have to bother reading that shit. You just channel the freedom vibes.
sump /səmp/
noun
1. a containment pit for waste water or sewage, as in a cesspool
2. a simp for Trump
noun
1. a containment pit for waste water or sewage, as in a cesspool
2. a simp for Trump
March 21, 2025 at 3:49 PM
sump /səmp/
noun
1. a containment pit for waste water or sewage, as in a cesspool
2. a simp for Trump
noun
1. a containment pit for waste water or sewage, as in a cesspool
2. a simp for Trump
If only it were possible for a person to be crushed to death by an avalanche of their own deranged tweets, like a hoarder beneath a mountain of old newspapers.
March 21, 2025 at 12:55 AM
If only it were possible for a person to be crushed to death by an avalanche of their own deranged tweets, like a hoarder beneath a mountain of old newspapers.
Hey, if we put all those recalled Cybertrucks in public schools, maybe the GOP would care about school shootings?
March 21, 2025 at 12:02 AM
Hey, if we put all those recalled Cybertrucks in public schools, maybe the GOP would care about school shootings?
"Environmental embrittlement" is also the technical term for Musk's reaction to any form of criticism.
March 20, 2025 at 6:33 PM
"Environmental embrittlement" is also the technical term for Musk's reaction to any form of criticism.
My theory is that most people, to some degree, spend the rest of their lives "recovering" from their childhoods. Not to say they experienced deep trauma, abuse, or terrible parenting. Just that kids are so vulnerable and impressionable that sometimes even relatively minor stuff feels huge.
March 20, 2025 at 6:10 PM
My theory is that most people, to some degree, spend the rest of their lives "recovering" from their childhoods. Not to say they experienced deep trauma, abuse, or terrible parenting. Just that kids are so vulnerable and impressionable that sometimes even relatively minor stuff feels huge.
I always felt an unearned kinship with Canadians because, despite my copious swearing (I am from NJ, after all), I am regarded as overly polite by many Americans.
Also, SCTV and The Kids in the Hall.
Also, SCTV and The Kids in the Hall.
March 17, 2025 at 7:33 PM
I always felt an unearned kinship with Canadians because, despite my copious swearing (I am from NJ, after all), I am regarded as overly polite by many Americans.
Also, SCTV and The Kids in the Hall.
Also, SCTV and The Kids in the Hall.
It's that time of year when Canada geese start nesting on traffic islands, airport runways, the precipices of hellmouths, and all the other totally safe neighborhoods to raise a gaggle of helpless goslings.
March 16, 2025 at 12:34 AM
It's that time of year when Canada geese start nesting on traffic islands, airport runways, the precipices of hellmouths, and all the other totally safe neighborhoods to raise a gaggle of helpless goslings.
Pitch: A version of Carpool Karaoke with participants that can neither sing nor drive.
March 10, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Pitch: A version of Carpool Karaoke with participants that can neither sing nor drive.
When is this "silver fox" stage of life supposed to happen? Because I've been stuck in the "dishwater possum" phase for a while now.
March 9, 2025 at 11:55 PM
When is this "silver fox" stage of life supposed to happen? Because I've been stuck in the "dishwater possum" phase for a while now.
Vance is odious little ass-weasel and probably daring protesters to make a scene so he could turn it into a story. But when people on Bluesky say it's a completely fabricated encounter, I'm like, "It's not hard to do 3 fucking seconds of research."
www.thedailybeast.com/jd-vance-con...
www.thedailybeast.com/jd-vance-con...
‘S**t People’: Vance Condemns Pro-Ukraine Protesters Who Followed Him
The vice president tweeted his condemnation after encountering the protesters in Cincinnati.
www.thedailybeast.com
March 9, 2025 at 1:55 PM
Vance is odious little ass-weasel and probably daring protesters to make a scene so he could turn it into a story. But when people on Bluesky say it's a completely fabricated encounter, I'm like, "It's not hard to do 3 fucking seconds of research."
www.thedailybeast.com/jd-vance-con...
www.thedailybeast.com/jd-vance-con...
There's no ground to be ceded on this subject.
“Once you decide that a single vulnerable minority can be sacrificed, you’re operating within a fascist logic,” they said. “That means there might be a second one you’re willing to sacrifice and a third, a fourth. Then what happens?”
Abandoning trans people is 'fascist logic', says leading feminist philosopher
Leading feminist philosopher Judith Butler has declared that abandoning trans people or any minority is operating within 'fascist logic'.
www.thepinknews.com
March 9, 2025 at 1:24 PM
There's no ground to be ceded on this subject.
Undertaker: Your uncle's final wishes were to be cremated. One small issue, however, it seems he understood cremation to mean his body would be turned into a dairy product.
Nephew: *sniffs* Classic Uncle Joe. So stupid.
Nephew: *sniffs* Classic Uncle Joe. So stupid.
March 8, 2025 at 9:37 PM
Undertaker: Your uncle's final wishes were to be cremated. One small issue, however, it seems he understood cremation to mean his body would be turned into a dairy product.
Nephew: *sniffs* Classic Uncle Joe. So stupid.
Nephew: *sniffs* Classic Uncle Joe. So stupid.
Elon Musk would not pass a Voight-Kampff test.
March 8, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Elon Musk would not pass a Voight-Kampff test.
I feel like, because Musk's Nazi salute grabbed so much attention, there wasn't much of a conversation around Musk saying we'd be taking "DOGE to Mars" and just flat-out announcing it was his personal funding program.
March 7, 2025 at 11:57 PM
I feel like, because Musk's Nazi salute grabbed so much attention, there wasn't much of a conversation around Musk saying we'd be taking "DOGE to Mars" and just flat-out announcing it was his personal funding program.
After skewering his PR guy on a 10-foot long sharpened stake...
Vlad: Honestly. What kind of professional name is 'Vlad the Inhaler'?
Lackey: I think he said, 'Impaler', sire.
Vlad: Oh. That makes more sense.
...
Lackey: I'm getting impaled now, aren't I?
Vlad: Yup.
Vlad: Honestly. What kind of professional name is 'Vlad the Inhaler'?
Lackey: I think he said, 'Impaler', sire.
Vlad: Oh. That makes more sense.
...
Lackey: I'm getting impaled now, aren't I?
Vlad: Yup.
March 7, 2025 at 1:14 AM
After skewering his PR guy on a 10-foot long sharpened stake...
Vlad: Honestly. What kind of professional name is 'Vlad the Inhaler'?
Lackey: I think he said, 'Impaler', sire.
Vlad: Oh. That makes more sense.
...
Lackey: I'm getting impaled now, aren't I?
Vlad: Yup.
Vlad: Honestly. What kind of professional name is 'Vlad the Inhaler'?
Lackey: I think he said, 'Impaler', sire.
Vlad: Oh. That makes more sense.
...
Lackey: I'm getting impaled now, aren't I?
Vlad: Yup.
Sometimes I'll just look at our dog and laugh. My wife thinks my brain is soft-boiled.
March 6, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Sometimes I'll just look at our dog and laugh. My wife thinks my brain is soft-boiled.
American society is crumbling so now seems like as good a time as any to drop 5 grand on an intelligent toilet.
March 6, 2025 at 4:33 PM
American society is crumbling so now seems like as good a time as any to drop 5 grand on an intelligent toilet.