DesertThirst
@thirstyinthesahara.bsky.social
Level 40. Here to explore my sexuality. Theoretically gay. Practically a mess. Adults only.
I stuck it out as long as I could. 40 years of solitude and invisibility with no end in sight is all I can take.
January 28, 2025 at 4:59 AM
I stuck it out as long as I could. 40 years of solitude and invisibility with no end in sight is all I can take.
The silence is extra loud tonight.
December 25, 2024 at 6:32 AM
The silence is extra loud tonight.
I don't need to be the center of attention, I'm just tired of not being particularly important to anyone. "Disinterested friendship" is all I was allowed to aim for, and I don't really even have that with anyone.
December 22, 2024 at 2:54 AM
I don't need to be the center of attention, I'm just tired of not being particularly important to anyone. "Disinterested friendship" is all I was allowed to aim for, and I don't really even have that with anyone.
I'm not going home for the holidays for the first time since I moved away. To be honest, it had become an obligation I didn't look forward to, even before I had a falling out with my parents. So I'm not really sad about that, but the season is a reminder of how alone I am in the world.
December 18, 2024 at 5:58 AM
I'm not going home for the holidays for the first time since I moved away. To be honest, it had become an obligation I didn't look forward to, even before I had a falling out with my parents. So I'm not really sad about that, but the season is a reminder of how alone I am in the world.
When I believed in Catholic teaching about homosexuality, I was deeply private about it. I didn't ever preach at anyone else. I don't think I ever said out loud to anyone, "I believe that gay sex is a sin." Even so, I recognize that it was not just a personal choice to live that belief out. 1/
December 5, 2024 at 4:40 PM
When I believed in Catholic teaching about homosexuality, I was deeply private about it. I didn't ever preach at anyone else. I don't think I ever said out loud to anyone, "I believe that gay sex is a sin." Even so, I recognize that it was not just a personal choice to live that belief out. 1/
I've been feeling a lot better than I have in a long time lately, but it's still hard some nights being by myself in an empty apartment. I've lived this way my whole adult life, and I'm tired of it.
December 5, 2024 at 6:18 AM
I've been feeling a lot better than I have in a long time lately, but it's still hard some nights being by myself in an empty apartment. I've lived this way my whole adult life, and I'm tired of it.
Jonathan Bailey needs to stop being so handsome.
December 3, 2024 at 8:51 PM
Jonathan Bailey needs to stop being so handsome.
I'm glad I stopped using twitter and came over here full time. It's a lot nicer.
December 3, 2024 at 4:09 AM
I'm glad I stopped using twitter and came over here full time. It's a lot nicer.
I've seen gaybitterskeets being dishonestly smeared by people who don't like that he has held them accountable for their cruelty. So I just wanted to add my experience to the mix. He has been kind, patient, and profoundly helpful as I have struggled to resolve the conflict between my faith 1/
December 2, 2024 at 9:01 PM
I've seen gaybitterskeets being dishonestly smeared by people who don't like that he has held them accountable for their cruelty. So I just wanted to add my experience to the mix. He has been kind, patient, and profoundly helpful as I have struggled to resolve the conflict between my faith 1/
I'm getting disillusioned with Christianity entirely. Mostly because of Christians. I've suffered a lot trying to live up to the homophobic double standards my church imposed on me. Christians never gave a shit. I've tried to talk about it, they bail. I see others who speak out, 1/
December 2, 2024 at 3:29 PM
I'm getting disillusioned with Christianity entirely. Mostly because of Christians. I've suffered a lot trying to live up to the homophobic double standards my church imposed on me. Christians never gave a shit. I've tried to talk about it, they bail. I see others who speak out, 1/
I should admit to myself that some of my anger at queer people who promote non affirming views is rooted in my own shame. They either can be contentedly celibate, or pretend to be, and they insist anyone in my situation can. So why haven't I been able to after 40 years of living it and trying? 1/
November 28, 2024 at 1:27 AM
I should admit to myself that some of my anger at queer people who promote non affirming views is rooted in my own shame. They either can be contentedly celibate, or pretend to be, and they insist anyone in my situation can. So why haven't I been able to after 40 years of living it and trying? 1/
It drives me crazy how side b and conservative Catholics refuse to take any accountability for the suffering their beliefs cause queer people. "We just have a disagreement about sexual ethics." Is a great way to deny that there's any question of justice, and to paint opponents as petty sluts. 1/
November 27, 2024 at 6:12 PM
It drives me crazy how side b and conservative Catholics refuse to take any accountability for the suffering their beliefs cause queer people. "We just have a disagreement about sexual ethics." Is a great way to deny that there's any question of justice, and to paint opponents as petty sluts. 1/
I tried dating, but it caused me a lot of anxiety. I couldn't get out of my head. I know it's wrong, but the nagging feeling that I don't deserve to pursue a relationship wouldn't leave me alone enough to be present with the guys I went out with. So nothing came of it. I need to work on myself.
November 22, 2024 at 5:54 PM
I tried dating, but it caused me a lot of anxiety. I couldn't get out of my head. I know it's wrong, but the nagging feeling that I don't deserve to pursue a relationship wouldn't leave me alone enough to be present with the guys I went out with. So nothing came of it. I need to work on myself.
Despite the discouraging response from my parents, I'm glad I came out. I realized that hiding from my parents was holding me back from dating. It felt dishonest. Maybe I didn't trust myself not to backslide, and I'd never want to put a guy through that. Now there's no going back, and I'm relieved.
April 3, 2024 at 5:38 PM
Despite the discouraging response from my parents, I'm glad I came out. I realized that hiding from my parents was holding me back from dating. It felt dishonest. Maybe I didn't trust myself not to backslide, and I'd never want to put a guy through that. Now there's no going back, and I'm relieved.
I came out to my parents this weekend. They said they already knew, which hurt. They chose to let me suffer in silence for years. They said it doesn't matter, as long as I don't act on it, but that I won't be welcome around the family if I do.
I'm already unwelcome, they just won't admit it.
I'm already unwelcome, they just won't admit it.
April 3, 2024 at 4:49 PM
I came out to my parents this weekend. They said they already knew, which hurt. They chose to let me suffer in silence for years. They said it doesn't matter, as long as I don't act on it, but that I won't be welcome around the family if I do.
I'm already unwelcome, they just won't admit it.
I'm already unwelcome, they just won't admit it.
I'd very much like to kiss a man before I turn 40.
March 27, 2024 at 3:36 AM
I'd very much like to kiss a man before I turn 40.
I would love to tell a homophobic priest off like this.
Quote: "First of all, my life and body aren't yours to claim to rationalize your celibacy. Scripture gives you a perfectly good reason to be celibate: ministry. The church took it away from queer men when it banned us from being priests to scapegoat us for its sexual abuse of children.1/
March 15, 2024 at 6:32 PM
I would love to tell a homophobic priest off like this.
Being a closeted celibate gay virgin out of misplaced trust for the church has caused me unfathomable anguish. He's a callous ass to be so cavalier about pushing it on anyone, much less children, but the fact that he's been boinking dudes the whole time makes me so angry I can't see straight.
I'm having an ethical conundrum. It's why I was thinking about side b activists today. So there's this convert who's blogged about being gay and Catholic for ~10yrs. He opposes same sex marriage and advocates mandatory celibacy for gay people. I've found him offensive, but mostly, I pitied him.1/
March 12, 2024 at 4:40 PM
Being a closeted celibate gay virgin out of misplaced trust for the church has caused me unfathomable anguish. He's a callous ass to be so cavalier about pushing it on anyone, much less children, but the fact that he's been boinking dudes the whole time makes me so angry I can't see straight.
I've been letting myself mourn what staying closeted and single all my life has cost me. I didn't let myself think too much about it before. I dismissed it as sinfully yearning for things I wasn't made for: a temptation to flee. But that didn't make me feel any less alone and afraid 1/
March 8, 2024 at 9:06 PM
I've been letting myself mourn what staying closeted and single all my life has cost me. I didn't let myself think too much about it before. I dismissed it as sinfully yearning for things I wasn't made for: a temptation to flee. But that didn't make me feel any less alone and afraid 1/
Is my Catholicism really worth anything? I try to live by the most humane interpretations of it I can (at least where other people are concerned), but I'm obviously deciding what's humane and what's a problem based on standards outside of church teaching. Why shouldn't I just cut out the middleman?
March 8, 2024 at 3:37 PM
Is my Catholicism really worth anything? I try to live by the most humane interpretations of it I can (at least where other people are concerned), but I'm obviously deciding what's humane and what's a problem based on standards outside of church teaching. Why shouldn't I just cut out the middleman?
I wish I could be more confident in my intellectual judgment. There's no reason my wishes have to conflict with reality, but part of me feels like thinking it's ok to pursue what I want must be self serving bullshit. I shouldn't be this cynical. It's not like I have a history of being self indulgent
March 7, 2024 at 8:26 PM
I wish I could be more confident in my intellectual judgment. There's no reason my wishes have to conflict with reality, but part of me feels like thinking it's ok to pursue what I want must be self serving bullshit. I shouldn't be this cynical. It's not like I have a history of being self indulgent
I've had a hard time coming to a firm conclusion about how exactly I'm supposed to reconcile my faith and sexuality. But I do feel certain that I can't look a happy, committed gay couple in the eye and tell them it would be best if their relationship ended.
February 27, 2024 at 10:22 PM
I've had a hard time coming to a firm conclusion about how exactly I'm supposed to reconcile my faith and sexuality. But I do feel certain that I can't look a happy, committed gay couple in the eye and tell them it would be best if their relationship ended.
"It's not fair to say the church is homophobic, just because it won't compromise its historic and scriptural witness on chastity!"
Says a celibate gay guy in my courage chapter, who's in the closet at our parish for no reason at all, since the church has absolutely no homophobic bones in its body.
Says a celibate gay guy in my courage chapter, who's in the closet at our parish for no reason at all, since the church has absolutely no homophobic bones in its body.
February 16, 2024 at 3:43 PM
"It's not fair to say the church is homophobic, just because it won't compromise its historic and scriptural witness on chastity!"
Says a celibate gay guy in my courage chapter, who's in the closet at our parish for no reason at all, since the church has absolutely no homophobic bones in its body.
Says a celibate gay guy in my courage chapter, who's in the closet at our parish for no reason at all, since the church has absolutely no homophobic bones in its body.
Why won't God give me solace anywhere? If He wants me to stay celibate and closeted, why has it always been so unbearable? If he's ok with me coming out and seeking a relationship, why am I so afraid and guilty when I try to start? No matter what I do, it feels like God hates me.
February 14, 2024 at 7:10 PM
Why won't God give me solace anywhere? If He wants me to stay celibate and closeted, why has it always been so unbearable? If he's ok with me coming out and seeking a relationship, why am I so afraid and guilty when I try to start? No matter what I do, it feels like God hates me.
Oh look, it's the day that's designed to make me feel like shit every year. And it's also ash Wednesday!
February 14, 2024 at 3:49 PM
Oh look, it's the day that's designed to make me feel like shit every year. And it's also ash Wednesday!