theoretical
@thewhoretical.bsky.social
theoretically i could be funny. in practice...
always hearing shit like “tie your laces”, “when are you going to propose”, etc
like yeah right bitch the only time you’ll catch me kneeling is in front of the lord (burger king)
like yeah right bitch the only time you’ll catch me kneeling is in front of the lord (burger king)
October 15, 2023 at 10:14 AM
always hearing shit like “tie your laces”, “when are you going to propose”, etc
like yeah right bitch the only time you’ll catch me kneeling is in front of the lord (burger king)
like yeah right bitch the only time you’ll catch me kneeling is in front of the lord (burger king)
Would like to see a car chase where they use their indicators
July 19, 2023 at 1:21 AM
Would like to see a car chase where they use their indicators
absolutely destroying the integrity of a medical research paper by revealing that while taking their drug during the trial i was also performing rituals to Abbadon the Vile so we can't say for sure what fixed me
July 18, 2023 at 2:32 AM
absolutely destroying the integrity of a medical research paper by revealing that while taking their drug during the trial i was also performing rituals to Abbadon the Vile so we can't say for sure what fixed me
got the ick when they blocked their ears after throwing a grenade into my living room
July 4, 2023 at 11:16 AM
got the ick when they blocked their ears after throwing a grenade into my living room
my spotify recommendations have just been some genre called "humbug" for several months now. cant help but be a little deceptive when im out and about now
July 4, 2023 at 11:10 AM
my spotify recommendations have just been some genre called "humbug" for several months now. cant help but be a little deceptive when im out and about now
blacking out on the highway and wrapping around a tree because my neuralink rate limit was exceeded for the day
July 3, 2023 at 12:30 AM
blacking out on the highway and wrapping around a tree because my neuralink rate limit was exceeded for the day
making underestimating the distance i am from sidewalks a habit so i can comically trip on the gutter and get loads of attention
July 2, 2023 at 12:11 PM
making underestimating the distance i am from sidewalks a habit so i can comically trip on the gutter and get loads of attention
watching some rom coms the way god intended: not at all but feeling a bit of fomo
July 2, 2023 at 12:02 PM
watching some rom coms the way god intended: not at all but feeling a bit of fomo
[homicide detective who's vocabulary has been subtly influenced by their teenage kids, currently at the worst crime scene they've seen in their entire career]
this has grimace shaken me to my core
this has grimace shaken me to my core
July 1, 2023 at 5:44 AM
[homicide detective who's vocabulary has been subtly influenced by their teenage kids, currently at the worst crime scene they've seen in their entire career]
this has grimace shaken me to my core
this has grimace shaken me to my core
your honor, omg, you don't even get it. yea i didn't "like" like him but that doesn't mean i "killed" killed him smh
July 1, 2023 at 5:38 AM
your honor, omg, you don't even get it. yea i didn't "like" like him but that doesn't mean i "killed" killed him smh
so unemployed I’m mourning ATSV’s drop from number one on letterboxd
June 20, 2023 at 1:42 AM
so unemployed I’m mourning ATSV’s drop from number one on letterboxd
filing my taxes in between layers of béchamel and bolognaise as some kind of fucked up, twisted statement to the system
June 15, 2023 at 10:58 AM
filing my taxes in between layers of béchamel and bolognaise as some kind of fucked up, twisted statement to the system
guy who only watches new movies so that he can’t be called “guy who’s only seen boss baby”
June 14, 2023 at 4:00 AM
guy who only watches new movies so that he can’t be called “guy who’s only seen boss baby”
- at a ramen restaurant -
me: slurp
me: sluuurp
me: slur-
friend: stop, the food isn’t even here yet
me: im practicing leave me alone
me: slurp
me: sluuurp
me: slur-
friend: stop, the food isn’t even here yet
me: im practicing leave me alone
June 13, 2023 at 3:05 AM
- at a ramen restaurant -
me: slurp
me: sluuurp
me: slur-
friend: stop, the food isn’t even here yet
me: im practicing leave me alone
me: slurp
me: sluuurp
me: slur-
friend: stop, the food isn’t even here yet
me: im practicing leave me alone
playing russian roulette with chocolate rocks and pebbles i found in the river
June 13, 2023 at 2:43 AM
playing russian roulette with chocolate rocks and pebbles i found in the river
got kicked out of the movie theater for setting up a kissing booth in the back row, security wouldn't even go for 50% off
June 12, 2023 at 1:22 AM
got kicked out of the movie theater for setting up a kissing booth in the back row, security wouldn't even go for 50% off
Reposted by theoretical
excel spreadcheeks
June 11, 2023 at 10:19 AM
excel spreadcheeks
upset i’m not gullible. life must be bliss thinking a word could be written on the ceiling at any given moment
June 11, 2023 at 12:39 PM
upset i’m not gullible. life must be bliss thinking a word could be written on the ceiling at any given moment
been wondering how quickly i'd fall for someone if they said they'd had a prophetic vision of the two of us together
June 11, 2023 at 7:01 AM
been wondering how quickly i'd fall for someone if they said they'd had a prophetic vision of the two of us together
*barely survives car crash; gps lodged in skull*
me (in my head): *gthis is all part of the digital experience*
me (in my head): *gthis is all part of the digital experience*
June 11, 2023 at 6:43 AM
*barely survives car crash; gps lodged in skull*
me (in my head): *gthis is all part of the digital experience*
me (in my head): *gthis is all part of the digital experience*
crawling through vents rn just to feel something. was aiming for enlightenment but landed on claustrophobia
June 11, 2023 at 12:17 AM
crawling through vents rn just to feel something. was aiming for enlightenment but landed on claustrophobia
me: bear with me for a second
friend: how did it leave so fast
friend: how did it leave so fast
June 10, 2023 at 10:06 PM
me: bear with me for a second
friend: how did it leave so fast
friend: how did it leave so fast
gotta love fridges. how’d we go from sticking a big ass block of ice in a box to playing ‘knock knock who’s there’ with a tv? can’t wait to be facetiming my groceries. brilliant
June 10, 2023 at 2:12 PM
gotta love fridges. how’d we go from sticking a big ass block of ice in a box to playing ‘knock knock who’s there’ with a tv? can’t wait to be facetiming my groceries. brilliant