In my 20s I wanted to do big things, be a hero, etc. Now, in my 40s this is all I want.

I wish someone looked at me the way my daughter looks at cheese

Shout out to my dog, who is the opposite of all the other dogs on social media: treats us like we’re his roommates, absorbed with his own problems, perpetually suffering unexplained medical issues, doesn’t much care for our child, poor hygiene, personality sucks…

So lots going on right now but the thing that broke me this week was going to conveyor belt sushi and seeing the little waiter robot try to deliver tea and this table just doesn’t see him. He’s there chirping a melody, trying to get them to turn around. Why won’t they turn around??

Doesn’t Zuckerberg have a bunch of daughters? Literally everything I do now, I think about how it will affect my kid’s future.

Is the answer “they’re not women, they’re billionaires?”

I had a kid in 2024 and the thing I wasn’t prepared for is how biased I am as a father. When she was born I remember thinking how objectively *unusually* good looking she was.

Uh I just saw a photo from then and she doesn’t even look like she’s the same species.

If I say “is it ok for them to say hi”, that is your chance to tell me your dog is a reactive little goober. Why would you say yes??

I “deleted” my Twitter account years ago and have basically not been on social media since. But I’m dipping my toe back in because… I kind of need a support group for the next few years.

I guess I’ll give this internet thing a try