Christian Mortensen
@theactualizedalien.com
Hypnotic journeys. Alien parables. Fables and myths. On my wizard shit. Tapping into the power of the unconscious mind. My name is Christian Mortensen and I am a life transformation coach, facilitator, and storyteller based in Brooklyn, NY.
Here is your permission
a pep talk from a life transformation coach
open.substack.com
May 25, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Fire it.
Launch it.
Light the fuse.
Make an irreversible decision.
Quit your job.
Take the trip.
Get the tattoo.
Do it now.
It’s 2025 – do you see the state of the world?
Elon Musk might delete all of our retirement accounts tomorrow.
What are you waiting for?
Launch it.
Light the fuse.
Make an irreversible decision.
Quit your job.
Take the trip.
Get the tattoo.
Do it now.
It’s 2025 – do you see the state of the world?
Elon Musk might delete all of our retirement accounts tomorrow.
What are you waiting for?
Fire the Cannonball
Today. Now.
open.substack.com
April 24, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Fire it.
Launch it.
Light the fuse.
Make an irreversible decision.
Quit your job.
Take the trip.
Get the tattoo.
Do it now.
It’s 2025 – do you see the state of the world?
Elon Musk might delete all of our retirement accounts tomorrow.
What are you waiting for?
Launch it.
Light the fuse.
Make an irreversible decision.
Quit your job.
Take the trip.
Get the tattoo.
Do it now.
It’s 2025 – do you see the state of the world?
Elon Musk might delete all of our retirement accounts tomorrow.
What are you waiting for?
Why did I pay $300 to spend my weekend at a clown workshop?
theactualizedalien.substack.com/p/my-clown-w...
theactualizedalien.substack.com/p/my-clown-w...
My Clown Weekend
Why I paid $300 for a clown workshop
theactualizedalien.substack.com
April 5, 2025 at 12:34 PM
Why did I pay $300 to spend my weekend at a clown workshop?
theactualizedalien.substack.com/p/my-clown-w...
theactualizedalien.substack.com/p/my-clown-w...
The dream never dies, it stays within you, waiting for the right time to resurface.
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
I sold my soul for $100 and a slice of pepperoni pizza
How much does it cost to abandon a dream?
open.substack.com
March 6, 2025 at 12:18 AM
The dream never dies, it stays within you, waiting for the right time to resurface.
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
I wrote about my experience of wasting thousands of dollars on a lead generation agency so that you don’t have to make the same mistake.
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
An Ode to Slow Growth
Some things I've learned about taking shortcuts.
open.substack.com
February 25, 2025 at 2:32 PM
I wrote about my experience of wasting thousands of dollars on a lead generation agency so that you don’t have to make the same mistake.
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
New short story just dropped!
A playful fable about the dangers of trying to “build an audience”.
Enjoy!
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
A playful fable about the dangers of trying to “build an audience”.
Enjoy!
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
Dying for an Audience
The tale of Creativius and Fox.
open.substack.com
February 19, 2025 at 1:24 PM
New short story just dropped!
A playful fable about the dangers of trying to “build an audience”.
Enjoy!
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
A playful fable about the dangers of trying to “build an audience”.
Enjoy!
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
Enjoy this unhinged short story for your Friday afternoon entertainment: open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
Oligarch Piss
Please, take me to a place where humans have figured out how to live together in harmony.
open.substack.com
February 7, 2025 at 5:08 PM
Enjoy this unhinged short story for your Friday afternoon entertainment: open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
Your unconscious mind knows just how incredible you are and how awesome your life can be.
You can feel it, can’t you?
It wants to evolve the mental blocks and limiting beliefs into unstoppable confidence and happiness and joy and peace and ease.
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
You can feel it, can’t you?
It wants to evolve the mental blocks and limiting beliefs into unstoppable confidence and happiness and joy and peace and ease.
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
The Door(s)
I have been thinking a lot about doors lately.
open.substack.com
January 27, 2025 at 12:10 AM
Your unconscious mind knows just how incredible you are and how awesome your life can be.
You can feel it, can’t you?
It wants to evolve the mental blocks and limiting beliefs into unstoppable confidence and happiness and joy and peace and ease.
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
You can feel it, can’t you?
It wants to evolve the mental blocks and limiting beliefs into unstoppable confidence and happiness and joy and peace and ease.
open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
I wrote a story where I explain The Tortoise and the Hare to an alien while showing them around Times Square: open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
The Tortoise and the Hare and Grebbelthorp
It was Grebbelthorp’s first day on earth, and I was showing them around.
open.substack.com
January 26, 2025 at 6:42 PM
I wrote a story where I explain The Tortoise and the Hare to an alien while showing them around Times Square: open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
I'm spending less time watching news and more time quantum jumping into a cool dimension I found where Trump, Elon, Zuckerberg, and Bezos are broke and trapped in a never ending reality show where they have to take turns drinking each other's piss. It's really helping my mental health.
January 24, 2025 at 10:15 PM
I'm spending less time watching news and more time quantum jumping into a cool dimension I found where Trump, Elon, Zuckerberg, and Bezos are broke and trapped in a never ending reality show where they have to take turns drinking each other's piss. It's really helping my mental health.
I went fishing for memories about fish and wrote about it in honor of David Lynch: open.substack.com/pub/theactua...
Catching Fish for David
My David Lynch Tribute
open.substack.com
January 24, 2025 at 9:46 PM
I went fishing for memories about fish and wrote about it in honor of David Lynch: open.substack.com/pub/theactua...