bluesky doesn't feel like a safe space. I guess I'll try to make my new home in huddle. regards, a vent refugee (old mutuals please follow me there if you're not there yet?)

EMOJI KEY

best friends
🔪, 🕰, 🍭.

my girls
⚓,💡, 🎀, 🍪.

university friends
☕, 🐌, 🧁,🍾, 🍞, ⚪, 🌿,
🧭, 🌻, 🪀, 🌐, 🩴, 🪨.

others
7️⃣ ex-psych nurse (negative)
2️⃣ ex-psychiatrist (negative)
8️⃣ ex-psych nurse (neutral)

someone told me I'm beautiful and I want to believe they're being honest so bad but it's difficult to believe in something you pretty much never hear people say about you AND when you don't see yourself as beautiful. many other nice things, but beautiful? not me.

I am terrified I'm getting depressed again. yeah. the feeling's growing stronger and stronger and I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't fight it nor encourage it, so I just try to do what I feel comfortable doing without pushing myself yet trying to keep myself still functioning. uhh.

2PM. I feel like going back to bed and then lying there lethargically, staring at the wall or the ceiling, being a little miserable and just a sorry tiny being.

would have had a gig/concert to attend tonight but I felt way too miserable to go. I cried hopelessly for quite some time feeling guilty but luckily mom and one of my best friends were able to tell me it's okay to not go and just stay at home watching NHL. uhh ._____.

a little worried about myself and how I'm doing, so I filled BDI-21 out of curiosity, and I get 15p which equals to mild depression and NO I CANNOT BE EVEN MILDLY DEPRESSED IT'S JUST A COUPLE OF WEEKS SINCE MY LAST ECT TREATMENT???? I've been exhausted and down and anxious and stressed and oh boiii.

idk what to do with talking about the people I used to have an emoji key to on vent. not talk about anyone anymore? be vague on everyone? use the old emojis and 1) trust old mutuals to remember and 2) let potential new followers live guessing and figuring out some things with time?

I'm gonna post about this too to get more visibility: can we please get a chance to post to mutuals only and/or to have a private account?

you know when you're exhausted/tired/sleepy/all that but you should study and take care of yourself and your home and you just want to sleep but can't sleep and shouldn't sleep and you just wish it's all because you're still recovering from a depressive episode and will pass soon.

did this for fun (stole the idea from @supervolcanic.bsky.social !) and I do think I am more than slightly optimistic? though obviously at times so depressed there's no hope anywhere near me lmao.

hi you few(?). idk if I know how to use this app??? is this for followers only post now? I was about to write "vent" gosh I miss that app ;______; send/share hints how this app works please! appreciated!