Teeth Whitener aka Val
@teethwhitener.bsky.social
Your local 🏳️⚧️ weirdo. If you are reading this, I want you to know that this is a total waste of your time and I am very disappointed in you.
If you want my boring account, it's here: https://bsky.app/profile/valettefkelly.bsky.social
If you want my boring account, it's here: https://bsky.app/profile/valettefkelly.bsky.social
Sir you cannot say "What's up?" in Cloud City. We have all heard that one before get better material.
March 23, 2025 at 9:27 PM
Sir you cannot say "What's up?" in Cloud City. We have all heard that one before get better material.
Do not believe the rumors. I do not have bitch-ass disease but even if I did it's not contagious OK
January 19, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Do not believe the rumors. I do not have bitch-ass disease but even if I did it's not contagious OK
Imagine, if you will, an impossibility: a world without the DK Bongos of Donkey Konga fame.
January 17, 2025 at 3:53 AM
Imagine, if you will, an impossibility: a world without the DK Bongos of Donkey Konga fame.
If being a hater was an Olympic sport, then I'd be disqualified from competing because I'm trans.
January 16, 2025 at 3:19 AM
If being a hater was an Olympic sport, then I'd be disqualified from competing because I'm trans.
Tantalizing Tarantulas is sooo gonna be the phrase of the year. You all have my permission to use it.
January 15, 2025 at 1:46 PM
Tantalizing Tarantulas is sooo gonna be the phrase of the year. You all have my permission to use it.
Oh yeah? Well, have you considered SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNRELATED? I thought not, you blatherskite.
January 15, 2025 at 12:28 AM
Oh yeah? Well, have you considered SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNRELATED? I thought not, you blatherskite.
If it isn't from the Merde region of France, sorry, it's just sparkling shitposting.
January 14, 2025 at 5:54 AM
If it isn't from the Merde region of France, sorry, it's just sparkling shitposting.
Now I wanna be clear on this– and I want that mic close for this ok? Ok. Because this is really important. Love saving info. The future of society—of our planet—depends on these words. Alright! Ready? *inhales then immediately gets hit by a runaway*
January 14, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Now I wanna be clear on this– and I want that mic close for this ok? Ok. Because this is really important. Love saving info. The future of society—of our planet—depends on these words. Alright! Ready? *inhales then immediately gets hit by a runaway*
Call me a snob if you like but I think eating shit and drinking piss is "in bad taste".
January 14, 2025 at 1:18 AM
Call me a snob if you like but I think eating shit and drinking piss is "in bad taste".
"I was told that there would be tortillas at this gathering" the man says to the herd of cows. He is having one of his delusions SMHmyhead
January 13, 2025 at 5:08 PM
"I was told that there would be tortillas at this gathering" the man says to the herd of cows. He is having one of his delusions SMHmyhead
I don't know who's spreading this LIE about me, but the answer is "no, I do not eat small rodents whole." Y'all just need better security for your gerbil enclosures.
January 13, 2025 at 3:51 AM
I don't know who's spreading this LIE about me, but the answer is "no, I do not eat small rodents whole." Y'all just need better security for your gerbil enclosures.
A bunch of people I know have never seen or heard of "Rome". "Where is that?" they will say. I scoff at them without answering. These fuckers will never make it in the knowing things biz.
January 13, 2025 at 3:18 AM
A bunch of people I know have never seen or heard of "Rome". "Where is that?" they will say. I scoff at them without answering. These fuckers will never make it in the knowing things biz.
"Wait, I gotta do this shit forever?!"
–A baby after his first day of being alive
–A baby after his first day of being alive
January 7, 2025 at 1:14 AM
"Wait, I gotta do this shit forever?!"
–A baby after his first day of being alive
–A baby after his first day of being alive
I can't go to the work today. I'm allergic to snow. Achoo. See? Allergies.
January 7, 2025 at 1:11 AM
I can't go to the work today. I'm allergic to snow. Achoo. See? Allergies.
What the fuck is a baked bean anyway? Those beans are CANNED and ain't no one ever baked them goddammit
January 6, 2025 at 4:04 AM
What the fuck is a baked bean anyway? Those beans are CANNED and ain't no one ever baked them goddammit
"Mistakes were made" no shit that's exactly the problem you imbecile
January 5, 2025 at 6:32 AM
"Mistakes were made" no shit that's exactly the problem you imbecile
"I'm afraid this is the end of the line," she said, pointing to a line she'd just drawn on the blackboard. My god, she looked horrified.
January 5, 2025 at 6:23 AM
"I'm afraid this is the end of the line," she said, pointing to a line she'd just drawn on the blackboard. My god, she looked horrified.
"In case you weren't aware today marks exactly 1 year to the date from the signing of the declaration of Independence"
-a liar
-a liar
January 5, 2025 at 6:09 AM
"In case you weren't aware today marks exactly 1 year to the date from the signing of the declaration of Independence"
-a liar
-a liar
The only thing I hate more than unfinished sentences is
January 4, 2025 at 12:43 PM
The only thing I hate more than unfinished sentences is
There is no one else in human history who has said as many stupid things on purpose as me.
January 4, 2025 at 6:32 AM
There is no one else in human history who has said as many stupid things on purpose as me.
"Oh, it's not that serious," she said. Then she turned into a bunch of wasps.
January 3, 2025 at 3:17 PM
"Oh, it's not that serious," she said. Then she turned into a bunch of wasps.
"Who watches the watchmen?" Oh please. No one cares. The only question that matters is "Who cums in the cum-men?:
January 3, 2025 at 7:15 AM
"Who watches the watchmen?" Oh please. No one cares. The only question that matters is "Who cums in the cum-men?:
"There are, like, more than one suns or some shit," said the man who saw the future. Terrifying.
January 2, 2025 at 2:59 AM
"There are, like, more than one suns or some shit," said the man who saw the future. Terrifying.
There are those who think cod liver oil tastes like chicken. These people are FUCKING MORONS. Cod liver oil tastes like cod liver, you utter buffoons.
January 1, 2025 at 1:34 AM
There are those who think cod liver oil tastes like chicken. These people are FUCKING MORONS. Cod liver oil tastes like cod liver, you utter buffoons.
You know what I think? We need more restaurants that specialize in food no one likes. That way, they can be the worst at something, which is kinda like being the best at being bad.
December 31, 2024 at 7:25 PM
You know what I think? We need more restaurants that specialize in food no one likes. That way, they can be the worst at something, which is kinda like being the best at being bad.