第一の手記.
@talesofmacabre.bsky.social
THE FIRST NOTEBOOK.
⠀strumming my pain
⠀with his 𝖋ingers.
quotes every 10 minutes.
⠀strumming my pain
⠀with his 𝖋ingers.
quotes every 10 minutes.
Pinned
in general, things that were endowed with life would not, like the Golden Temple, have the rigid quality of existing once and for all. human beings were merely allotted one part of nature’s various attributes, and, by an effective method of substitution,
November 27, 2025 at 2:55 PM
in general, things that were endowed with life would not, like the Golden Temple, have the rigid quality of existing once and for all. human beings were merely allotted one part of nature’s various attributes, and, by an effective method of substitution,
my inherent deficiency of blood had first implanted in me the impulse to dream of bloodshed. And in its turn that impulse had caused me to lose more and more of the stuff of blood from my body, thereby further increasing my lust for blood.
November 27, 2025 at 2:42 PM
my inherent deficiency of blood had first implanted in me the impulse to dream of bloodshed. And in its turn that impulse had caused me to lose more and more of the stuff of blood from my body, thereby further increasing my lust for blood.
I can‘t even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.
November 27, 2025 at 2:20 PM
I can‘t even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.
I did not understand why.
November 27, 2025 at 2:10 PM
I did not understand why.
needless to say, during the time of my infatuation with Omi I had made no effort to apply the word love to that diabolical fascination he exercised over me.
November 27, 2025 at 1:54 PM
needless to say, during the time of my infatuation with Omi I had made no effort to apply the word love to that diabolical fascination he exercised over me.
longing at eighteen for an early demise, I felt myself unfitted for it. I lacked, in short, the muscles suitable for a dramatic death. and it deeply offended my romantic pride that it should be this unsuitability that had permitted me to survive the war.
November 27, 2025 at 1:45 PM
longing at eighteen for an early demise, I felt myself unfitted for it. I lacked, in short, the muscles suitable for a dramatic death. and it deeply offended my romantic pride that it should be this unsuitability that had permitted me to survive the war.
insensitive people are only upset when they actually see the blood. yet, by the time that blood has been shed, the tragedy is already completed.
November 27, 2025 at 1:38 PM
insensitive people are only upset when they actually see the blood. yet, by the time that blood has been shed, the tragedy is already completed.
to see human beings in agony, to see them covered in blood and to hear their death groans, makes people humble. it makes their spirits delicate, bright, peaceful. it’s never at such times that we become cruel or bloodthirsty. no, it’s on a beautiful
November 27, 2025 at 1:23 PM
to see human beings in agony, to see them covered in blood and to hear their death groans, makes people humble. it makes their spirits delicate, bright, peaceful. it’s never at such times that we become cruel or bloodthirsty. no, it’s on a beautiful
for me, beauty is always retreating from one’s grasp; the only thing I consider important is what existed once, or ought to have existed.
November 27, 2025 at 1:17 PM
for me, beauty is always retreating from one’s grasp; the only thing I consider important is what existed once, or ought to have existed.
villages below and meandering streams grow more tolerable as our distance grows. why do they please, approve, lure me with promise that I may love the human, if only it is seen, thus, from afar——
November 27, 2025 at 12:54 PM
villages below and meandering streams grow more tolerable as our distance grows. why do they please, approve, lure me with promise that I may love the human, if only it is seen, thus, from afar——
in time this ambition became still stronger and, expanding within me, saw a strange development.
November 27, 2025 at 12:47 PM
in time this ambition became still stronger and, expanding within me, saw a strange development.
the men who indulged in nocturnal thought, it seemed to me, had without exception dry, lusterless skins and sagging stomachs. they sought to wrap up a whole epoch in a capacious night of ideas, and rejected in all its forms the sun that I had seen.
November 27, 2025 at 12:28 PM
the men who indulged in nocturnal thought, it seemed to me, had without exception dry, lusterless skins and sagging stomachs. they sought to wrap up a whole epoch in a capacious night of ideas, and rejected in all its forms the sun that I had seen.
a certain feeling as it were of " self — renunciation, " a certain feeling of indifference, a certain feeling of intimacy with danger, a feeling like a remarkable mixture of nothingness and vital power —— all these feelings swarmed forth from his
November 27, 2025 at 12:10 PM
a certain feeling as it were of " self — renunciation, " a certain feeling of indifference, a certain feeling of intimacy with danger, a feeling like a remarkable mixture of nothingness and vital power —— all these feelings swarmed forth from his
in time this ambition became still stronger and, expanding within me, saw a strange development.
November 27, 2025 at 11:49 AM
in time this ambition became still stronger and, expanding within me, saw a strange development.
my heart had never before been swayed, and at first glance, by such a deep and unexplainable grief, a grief moreover that was no part of my masquerade.
November 27, 2025 at 11:32 AM
my heart had never before been swayed, and at first glance, by such a deep and unexplainable grief, a grief moreover that was no part of my masquerade.
it’s never at such times that we become cruel or bloodthirsty. no, it’s a beautiful spring afternoon like this that makes people suddenly become cruel.
November 27, 2025 at 11:26 AM
it’s never at such times that we become cruel or bloodthirsty. no, it’s a beautiful spring afternoon like this that makes people suddenly become cruel.
what transforms this world is knowledge. do you see what I mean? nothing else can change anything in this world. knowledge alone is capable of transforming the world, while at the same time leaving it exactly as is. when you look at the world with
November 27, 2025 at 11:10 AM
what transforms this world is knowledge. do you see what I mean? nothing else can change anything in this world. knowledge alone is capable of transforming the world, while at the same time leaving it exactly as is. when you look at the world with
for me he represented my first revelation of a certain power, my first summons by a certain strange and secret voice.
November 27, 2025 at 10:53 AM
for me he represented my first revelation of a certain power, my first summons by a certain strange and secret voice.
scenic beauty is hell.
November 27, 2025 at 10:45 AM
scenic beauty is hell.
beauty is never a consolation.
November 27, 2025 at 10:36 AM
beauty is never a consolation.
or do I then belong, after all, to the earth? why, if not so, should the earth show such swiftness to encompass my fall?
November 27, 2025 at 10:27 AM
or do I then belong, after all, to the earth? why, if not so, should the earth show such swiftness to encompass my fall?
although the goal could never have been love, nor, had it been, could I ever have belonged to the heavens?
November 27, 2025 at 10:10 AM
although the goal could never have been love, nor, had it been, could I ever have belonged to the heavens?
a raw carnal feeling blazed up within me, branding my cheeks. I felt myself staring at him with crystal — clear eyes.
November 27, 2025 at 10:01 AM
a raw carnal feeling blazed up within me, branding my cheeks. I felt myself staring at him with crystal — clear eyes.
within his breast could be heard the roaring of the sea.
November 27, 2025 at 9:52 AM
within his breast could be heard the roaring of the sea.
it’s never at such times that we become cruel or bloodthirsty. no, it’s a beautiful spring afternoon like this that makes people suddenly become cruel.
November 27, 2025 at 9:36 AM
it’s never at such times that we become cruel or bloodthirsty. no, it’s a beautiful spring afternoon like this that makes people suddenly become cruel.