第一の手記.
@talesofmacabre.bsky.social
THE FIRST NOTEBOOK.
⠀strumming my pain
⠀with his 𝖋ingers.
quotes every 10 minutes.
⠀strumming my pain
⠀with his 𝖋ingers.
quotes every 10 minutes.
Pinned
beauty is like a decayed tooth. it rubs against one’s tongue, insisting on its own existence, finally, it gets so that one cannot stand the pain and one goes to the dentist to have the tooth extracted, then, as one looks at the small, dirty, brown,
January 22, 2026 at 11:02 AM
beauty is like a decayed tooth. it rubs against one’s tongue, insisting on its own existence, finally, it gets so that one cannot stand the pain and one goes to the dentist to have the tooth extracted, then, as one looks at the small, dirty, brown,
they would look distastefully at the pallid face of that unchildlike child.
January 22, 2026 at 10:55 AM
they would look distastefully at the pallid face of that unchildlike child.
how dearly indeed I loved my pit, my dusky room, the area of my desk with its piles of books! how I enjoyed introspection, shrouded myself in cogitation; with rapture did I listen for the rustling of frail insects in the thickets of my nerves!
January 22, 2026 at 10:40 AM
how dearly indeed I loved my pit, my dusky room, the area of my desk with its piles of books! how I enjoyed introspection, shrouded myself in cogitation; with rapture did I listen for the rustling of frail insects in the thickets of my nerves!
my inherent deficiency of blood had first implanted in me the impulse to dream of bloodshed. And in its turn that impulse had caused me to lose more and more of the stuff of blood from my body, thereby further increasing my lust for blood.
January 22, 2026 at 10:33 AM
my inherent deficiency of blood had first implanted in me the impulse to dream of bloodshed. And in its turn that impulse had caused me to lose more and more of the stuff of blood from my body, thereby further increasing my lust for blood.
in all my life my heart had never before been so touched by the sight of beauty in a woman.
January 22, 2026 at 10:17 AM
in all my life my heart had never before been so touched by the sight of beauty in a woman.
when you look at the world with knowledge, you realise that things are unchangeable and at the same time are constantly being transformed.
January 22, 2026 at 10:03 AM
when you look at the world with knowledge, you realise that things are unchangeable and at the same time are constantly being transformed.
suddenly there came into view from one corner of the next page a picture that I had to believe had been lying in wait there for me, for my sake.
January 22, 2026 at 9:44 AM
suddenly there came into view from one corner of the next page a picture that I had to believe had been lying in wait there for me, for my sake.
and the trap into which a deformed person finally falls does not lie in his resolving the state of antagonism between himself and the world, but instead takes the form of his completely approving of this antagonism.
January 22, 2026 at 9:22 AM
and the trap into which a deformed person finally falls does not lie in his resolving the state of antagonism between himself and the world, but instead takes the form of his completely approving of this antagonism.
for me he represented my first revelation of a certain power, my first summons by a certain strange and secret voice.
January 22, 2026 at 9:03 AM
for me he represented my first revelation of a certain power, my first summons by a certain strange and secret voice.
let the darkness in my heart become equal to the darkness of the night that surrounds those innumerable lights!
January 22, 2026 at 8:50 AM
let the darkness in my heart become equal to the darkness of the night that surrounds those innumerable lights!
いろはにほへと, ちりぬるをわか, よたれそつねな, らむうゐのおく, やまけふこえて, あさきゆめみし, ゑひもせす.
January 22, 2026 at 8:28 AM
いろはにほへと, ちりぬるをわか, よたれそつねな, らむうゐのおく, やまけふこえて, あさきゆめみし, ゑひもせす.
for clearly, it is impossible to touch eternity with one hand and life with the other.
January 22, 2026 at 8:20 AM
for clearly, it is impossible to touch eternity with one hand and life with the other.
beauty is never a consolation.
January 22, 2026 at 8:11 AM
beauty is never a consolation.
they would look distastefully at the pallid face of that unchildlike child.
January 22, 2026 at 7:54 AM
they would look distastefully at the pallid face of that unchildlike child.
my inherent deficiency of blood had first implanted in me the impulse to dream of bloodshed. And in its turn that impulse had caused me to lose more and more of the stuff of blood from my body, thereby further increasing my lust for blood.
January 22, 2026 at 7:46 AM
my inherent deficiency of blood had first implanted in me the impulse to dream of bloodshed. And in its turn that impulse had caused me to lose more and more of the stuff of blood from my body, thereby further increasing my lust for blood.
he was fully aware that beauty is a thing which must sleep and which, in sleeping, must be protected by knowledge.
January 22, 2026 at 7:19 AM
he was fully aware that beauty is a thing which must sleep and which, in sleeping, must be protected by knowledge.
so far as feelings were concerned, there was no discrepancy between the very finest feeling in this world, and the very worst; that their effect was the same; that no visible difference existed between murderous intent and feelings of deep compassion.
January 22, 2026 at 6:59 AM
so far as feelings were concerned, there was no discrepancy between the very finest feeling in this world, and the very worst; that their effect was the same; that no visible difference existed between murderous intent and feelings of deep compassion.
the man who later in his life is to be executed is constantly drawing an image in his mind of the execution site, and is becoming familiar with that image.
January 22, 2026 at 6:42 AM
the man who later in his life is to be executed is constantly drawing an image in his mind of the execution site, and is becoming familiar with that image.
that to fall, not to fly, is in the order of things, more natural by far than improbable passion? is the blue of the sky then a dream?
January 22, 2026 at 6:20 AM
that to fall, not to fly, is in the order of things, more natural by far than improbable passion? is the blue of the sky then a dream?
was it devised by the earth, to which I belonged, on account of the fleeting, white — hot intoxication achieved for a moment by waxen wings?
January 22, 2026 at 6:10 AM
was it devised by the earth, to which I belonged, on account of the fleeting, white — hot intoxication achieved for a moment by waxen wings?
his was not a fate to be pitied. in no way was it a pitiable fate. rather was it proud and tragic, a fate that might even be called shining.
January 22, 2026 at 6:01 AM
his was not a fate to be pitied. in no way was it a pitiable fate. rather was it proud and tragic, a fate that might even be called shining.
I admitted to myself that I could never become an Omi and, upon further consideration, that my desire to become like Omi had in fact been love for Omi.
January 22, 2026 at 5:38 AM
I admitted to myself that I could never become an Omi and, upon further consideration, that my desire to become like Omi had in fact been love for Omi.
but here again, the face fails inexplicably to give the impression of belonging to a living human being.
January 22, 2026 at 5:09 AM
but here again, the face fails inexplicably to give the impression of belonging to a living human being.
but here again, the face fails inexplicably to give the impression of belonging to a living human being.
January 22, 2026 at 4:52 AM
but here again, the face fails inexplicably to give the impression of belonging to a living human being.
I had a presentiment then that there is in this world a kind of desire like stinging pain.
January 22, 2026 at 4:30 AM
I had a presentiment then that there is in this world a kind of desire like stinging pain.