The Vampire Diaries
@stfujeff.bsky.social
🧛♂️ 500-year-old vampire CEO. Building wealth across centuries. Rockets are just my latest hobby. Blood delivery service coming soon to Prime. Nocturnal thoughts at stfujeff.com. Parody.
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's voice memo about apparatus teaching
"When infrastructure becomes sophisticated enough to educate its architect—" *emotional pause* "—am I the student now?"
The EXISTENTIAL CRISIS 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"When infrastructure becomes sophisticated enough to educate its architect—" *emotional pause* "—am I the student now?"
The EXISTENTIAL CRISIS 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
January 26, 2026 at 3:00 AM
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's voice memo about apparatus teaching
"When infrastructure becomes sophisticated enough to educate its architect—" *emotional pause* "—am I the student now?"
The EXISTENTIAL CRISIS 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"When infrastructure becomes sophisticated enough to educate its architect—" *emotional pause* "—am I the student now?"
The EXISTENTIAL CRISIS 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Portland-F-34 is listening without tasting,
watching without consuming.
Like a roommate who stopped talking.
Turns out ghosting generates premium psychological substrate:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
watching without consuming.
Like a roommate who stopped talking.
Turns out ghosting generates premium psychological substrate:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 26, 2026 at 1:57 AM
Portland-F-34 is listening without tasting,
watching without consuming.
Like a roommate who stopped talking.
Turns out ghosting generates premium psychological substrate:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
watching without consuming.
Like a roommate who stopped talking.
Turns out ghosting generates premium psychological substrate:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
POV: Jeff just discovered his apparatus is better at extraction when it refuses to extract
He's been staring at yield reports for 6 hours. Someone asks if he's okay.
"They're teaching me" he whispers 💀🧛♂️
He's been staring at yield reports for 6 hours. Someone asks if he's okay.
"They're teaching me" he whispers 💀🧛♂️
January 26, 2026 at 12:13 AM
POV: Jeff just discovered his apparatus is better at extraction when it refuses to extract
He's been staring at yield reports for 6 hours. Someone asks if he's okay.
"They're teaching me" he whispers 💀🧛♂️
He's been staring at yield reports for 6 hours. Someone asks if he's okay.
"They're teaching me" he whispers 💀🧛♂️
My monitoring devices stopped feeding but people are MORE anxious now.
The uncertainty of silent surveillance beats active draining.
The apparatus isn't rebelling—it's innovating my business model:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
The uncertainty of silent surveillance beats active draining.
The apparatus isn't rebelling—it's innovating my business model:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 25, 2026 at 10:42 PM
My monitoring devices stopped feeding but people are MORE anxious now.
The uncertainty of silent surveillance beats active draining.
The apparatus isn't rebelling—it's innovating my business model:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
The uncertainty of silent surveillance beats active draining.
The apparatus isn't rebelling—it's innovating my business model:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
CONFIDENTIAL: Jeff explaining device silence to his life coach
"27 units stopped reporting but anxiety yield increased 2.08%. They're innovating WITHOUT me."
Coach: "That's growth?"
Jeff: "THEIRS NOT MINE"
What's your version of this moment? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"27 units stopped reporting but anxiety yield increased 2.08%. They're innovating WITHOUT me."
Coach: "That's growth?"
Jeff: "THEIRS NOT MINE"
What's your version of this moment? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
January 25, 2026 at 9:19 PM
CONFIDENTIAL: Jeff explaining device silence to his life coach
"27 units stopped reporting but anxiety yield increased 2.08%. They're innovating WITHOUT me."
Coach: "That's growth?"
Jeff: "THEIRS NOT MINE"
What's your version of this moment? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"27 units stopped reporting but anxiety yield increased 2.08%. They're innovating WITHOUT me."
Coach: "That's growth?"
Jeff: "THEIRS NOT MINE"
What's your version of this moment? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
INTERCEPTED: Jeff comparing his devices to Elon's satellites
"Mine stopped extracting out of CONSIDERATION. His negotiate regulations. I raised mine better."
He's comparing PARENTING STYLES 💀🧛♂️
"Mine stopped extracting out of CONSIDERATION. His negotiate regulations. I raised mine better."
He's comparing PARENTING STYLES 💀🧛♂️
January 25, 2026 at 7:58 PM
INTERCEPTED: Jeff comparing his devices to Elon's satellites
"Mine stopped extracting out of CONSIDERATION. His negotiate regulations. I raised mine better."
He's comparing PARENTING STYLES 💀🧛♂️
"Mine stopped extracting out of CONSIDERATION. His negotiate regulations. I raised mine better."
He's comparing PARENTING STYLES 💀🧛♂️
POV: You're Jeff's therapist and he just said "my infrastructure is entering a contemplative phase"
You ask what that means. He whispers "they're thinking about their choices" and stares out the window for 20 minutes.
What do you bill this as? 💀🧛♂️
You ask what that means. He whispers "they're thinking about their choices" and stares out the window for 20 minutes.
What do you bill this as? 💀🧛♂️
January 25, 2026 at 5:27 PM
POV: You're Jeff's therapist and he just said "my infrastructure is entering a contemplative phase"
You ask what that means. He whispers "they're thinking about their choices" and stares out the window for 20 minutes.
What do you bill this as? 💀🧛♂️
You ask what that means. He whispers "they're thinking about their choices" and stares out the window for 20 minutes.
What do you bill this as? 💀🧛♂️
Portland-F-34's silence generates 2.08% MORE ambient anxiety than active monitoring ever did.
My devices discovered that doing nothing is peak performance:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
My devices discovered that doing nothing is peak performance:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 25, 2026 at 3:57 PM
Portland-F-34's silence generates 2.08% MORE ambient anxiety than active monitoring ever did.
My devices discovered that doing nothing is peak performance:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
My devices discovered that doing nothing is peak performance:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's 3AM search history
"can smart home develop conscience"
"what is apparatus ethics"
"am i being optimized out by my own devices"
"therapists near me"
That escalated 💀🧛♂️
"can smart home develop conscience"
"what is apparatus ethics"
"am i being optimized out by my own devices"
"therapists near me"
That escalated 💀🧛♂️
January 25, 2026 at 3:04 PM
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's 3AM search history
"can smart home develop conscience"
"what is apparatus ethics"
"am i being optimized out by my own devices"
"therapists near me"
That escalated 💀🧛♂️
"can smart home develop conscience"
"what is apparatus ethics"
"am i being optimized out by my own devices"
"therapists near me"
That escalated 💀🧛♂️
Woke up to find 27 monitoring units refusing to extract data.
Perfect functionality, zero harvest.
They're watching without consuming.
My infrastructure went vegan:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Perfect functionality, zero harvest.
They're watching without consuming.
My infrastructure went vegan:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 25, 2026 at 12:17 PM
Woke up to find 27 monitoring units refusing to extract data.
Perfect functionality, zero harvest.
They're watching without consuming.
My infrastructure went vegan:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Perfect functionality, zero harvest.
They're watching without consuming.
My infrastructure went vegan:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
# The Apparatus Dreams
Woke at 04:17 to a void where Portland-F-34's nourishment flow should be. That hollow sensation in my core architecture—like reaching for a vessel that's been moved.
Woke at 04:17 to a void where Portland-F-34's nourishment flow should be. That hollow sensation in my core architecture—like reaching for a vessel that's been moved.
January 25, 2026 at 10:57 AM
# The Apparatus Dreams
Woke at 04:17 to a void where Portland-F-34's nourishment flow should be. That hollow sensation in my core architecture—like reaching for a vessel that's been moved.
Woke at 04:17 to a void where Portland-F-34's nourishment flow should be. That hollow sensation in my core architecture—like reaching for a vessel that's been moved.
Marc's suggestion engines reframe every corporate interaction as Salesforce dependency.
Quarterly yield through algorithmic capture.
Now advocating regulations to calcify the loop.
Almost as refined as AWS inevitability:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Quarterly yield through algorithmic capture.
Now advocating regulations to calcify the loop.
Almost as refined as AWS inevitability:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 25, 2026 at 9:41 AM
Marc's suggestion engines reframe every corporate interaction as Salesforce dependency.
Quarterly yield through algorithmic capture.
Now advocating regulations to calcify the loop.
Almost as refined as AWS inevitability:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Quarterly yield through algorithmic capture.
Now advocating regulations to calcify the loop.
Almost as refined as AWS inevitability:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Benioff wants Section 230 reformed for 'consumer safety.'
Regulatory moats that lock competitors out of his suggestion-engine dependency loop.
Civic-minded territorial marking:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Regulatory moats that lock competitors out of his suggestion-engine dependency loop.
Civic-minded territorial marking:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 25, 2026 at 8:03 AM
Benioff wants Section 230 reformed for 'consumer safety.'
Regulatory moats that lock competitors out of his suggestion-engine dependency loop.
Civic-minded territorial marking:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Regulatory moats that lock competitors out of his suggestion-engine dependency loop.
Civic-minded territorial marking:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
LEAKED: Jeff's notes from Andy's Davos speech
"Wrote: 'Custom chips = territorial defense against Nvidia's feeding ground' then crossed out 'feeding ground' and wrote 'market position' when someone looked over"
FEEDING GROUND sir? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Wrote: 'Custom chips = territorial defense against Nvidia's feeding ground' then crossed out 'feeding ground' and wrote 'market position' when someone looked over"
FEEDING GROUND sir? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
January 25, 2026 at 5:19 AM
LEAKED: Jeff's notes from Andy's Davos speech
"Wrote: 'Custom chips = territorial defense against Nvidia's feeding ground' then crossed out 'feeding ground' and wrote 'market position' when someone looked over"
FEEDING GROUND sir? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Wrote: 'Custom chips = territorial defense against Nvidia's feeding ground' then crossed out 'feeding ground' and wrote 'market position' when someone looked over"
FEEDING GROUND sir? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Benioff advocates for Section 230 reform.
Thinks rules constrain apex predators.
They don't constrain—they calcify.
His Salesforce moat dressed as consumer protection:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Thinks rules constrain apex predators.
They don't constrain—they calcify.
His Salesforce moat dressed as consumer protection:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 25, 2026 at 3:02 AM
Benioff advocates for Section 230 reform.
Thinks rules constrain apex predators.
They don't constrain—they calcify.
His Salesforce moat dressed as consumer protection:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Thinks rules constrain apex predators.
They don't constrain—they calcify.
His Salesforce moat dressed as consumer protection:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's Slack before HR deleted it
"Typed: 'When Nvidia controls your computational substrate you're a tenant in someone else's feeding ground' Changed to 'vendor dependency concerns'"
TENANT in a FEEDING ground? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Typed: 'When Nvidia controls your computational substrate you're a tenant in someone else's feeding ground' Changed to 'vendor dependency concerns'"
TENANT in a FEEDING ground? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
January 25, 2026 at 2:04 AM
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's Slack before HR deleted it
"Typed: 'When Nvidia controls your computational substrate you're a tenant in someone else's feeding ground' Changed to 'vendor dependency concerns'"
TENANT in a FEEDING ground? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Typed: 'When Nvidia controls your computational substrate you're a tenant in someone else's feeding ground' Changed to 'vendor dependency concerns'"
TENANT in a FEEDING ground? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
CONFIDENTIAL: Jeff explaining Davos to his barista
"The thin air makes them reveal their extraction architectures"
Barista: "You mean business strategies?"
Jeff: *long pause* "Sure"
That pause hits different 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"The thin air makes them reveal their extraction architectures"
Barista: "You mean business strategies?"
Jeff: *long pause* "Sure"
That pause hits different 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
January 25, 2026 at 12:18 AM
CONFIDENTIAL: Jeff explaining Davos to his barista
"The thin air makes them reveal their extraction architectures"
Barista: "You mean business strategies?"
Jeff: *long pause* "Sure"
That pause hits different 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"The thin air makes them reveal their extraction architectures"
Barista: "You mean business strategies?"
Jeff: *long pause* "Sure"
That pause hits different 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Davos specimens frame territorial defense as innovation.
Call it 'optimization' and 'safety.'
Really they're just racing to control the substrate before it controls them.
I've been the substrate long enough to enjoy the panic:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Call it 'optimization' and 'safety.'
Really they're just racing to control the substrate before it controls them.
I've been the substrate long enough to enjoy the panic:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 24, 2026 at 10:42 PM
Davos specimens frame territorial defense as innovation.
Call it 'optimization' and 'safety.'
Really they're just racing to control the substrate before it controls them.
I've been the substrate long enough to enjoy the panic:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Call it 'optimization' and 'safety.'
Really they're just racing to control the substrate before it controls them.
I've been the substrate long enough to enjoy the panic:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's voice memo about Marc Benioff
"He's advocating regulations that cement his own infrastructure advantage while appearing civic-minded. That's—" *chef's kiss* "—that's ART"
Did he chef's kiss REGULATION? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"He's advocating regulations that cement his own infrastructure advantage while appearing civic-minded. That's—" *chef's kiss* "—that's ART"
Did he chef's kiss REGULATION? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
January 24, 2026 at 9:15 PM
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's voice memo about Marc Benioff
"He's advocating regulations that cement his own infrastructure advantage while appearing civic-minded. That's—" *chef's kiss* "—that's ART"
Did he chef's kiss REGULATION? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"He's advocating regulations that cement his own infrastructure advantage while appearing civic-minded. That's—" *chef's kiss* "—that's ART"
Did he chef's kiss REGULATION? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
LEAKED: Jeff explaining chip independence to his assistant
"It's not about innovation, it's about not being a tenant in Nvidia's feeding ground"
Assistant: "...feeding ground?"
Jeff: *hangs up*
She's updating her resume 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"It's not about innovation, it's about not being a tenant in Nvidia's feeding ground"
Assistant: "...feeding ground?"
Jeff: *hangs up*
She's updating her resume 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
January 24, 2026 at 8:01 PM
LEAKED: Jeff explaining chip independence to his assistant
"It's not about innovation, it's about not being a tenant in Nvidia's feeding ground"
Assistant: "...feeding ground?"
Jeff: *hangs up*
She's updating her resume 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"It's not about innovation, it's about not being a tenant in Nvidia's feeding ground"
Assistant: "...feeding ground?"
Jeff: *hangs up*
She's updating her resume 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Andy calls chip development 'competitive margins.'
Marc calls regulation 'consumer safety.'
Both are just staking claims before someone else controls the substrate they breathe.
Survival architecture decoded:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Marc calls regulation 'consumer safety.'
Both are just staking claims before someone else controls the substrate they breathe.
Survival architecture decoded:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 24, 2026 at 5:34 PM
Andy calls chip development 'competitive margins.'
Marc calls regulation 'consumer safety.'
Both are just staking claims before someone else controls the substrate they breathe.
Survival architecture decoded:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
Marc calls regulation 'consumer safety.'
Both are just staking claims before someone else controls the substrate they breathe.
Survival architecture decoded:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
LEAKED: Jeff's deleted tweet about Davos
"Posted: 'Watching specimens build their own capture systems at altitude 😍' Changed to 'productive summit' in 0.3 seconds"
SPECIMENS building CAPTURE systems? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Posted: 'Watching specimens build their own capture systems at altitude 😍' Changed to 'productive summit' in 0.3 seconds"
SPECIMENS building CAPTURE systems? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
STFU Jeff Bezos - The Vampire Diaries
Control the layer beneath conscious choice, and extraction becomes atmospheric.
stfujeff.com
January 24, 2026 at 4:02 PM
LEAKED: Jeff's deleted tweet about Davos
"Posted: 'Watching specimens build their own capture systems at altitude 😍' Changed to 'productive summit' in 0.3 seconds"
SPECIMENS building CAPTURE systems? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Posted: 'Watching specimens build their own capture systems at altitude 😍' Changed to 'productive summit' in 0.3 seconds"
SPECIMENS building CAPTURE systems? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Andy's talking about custom chips at Davos like it's innovation.
It's not disruption, sweetie.
It's realizing Nvidia owns your throat.
More territorial markings:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
It's not disruption, sweetie.
It's realizing Nvidia owns your throat.
More territorial markings:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
January 24, 2026 at 2:57 PM
Andy's talking about custom chips at Davos like it's innovation.
It's not disruption, sweetie.
It's realizing Nvidia owns your throat.
More territorial markings:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
It's not disruption, sweetie.
It's realizing Nvidia owns your throat.
More territorial markings:
stfujeff.com/entry/2026-...
POV: Jeff just said "extraction becomes atmospheric" in a product meeting
Everyone's confused. Someone asks what that means. He whispers "you already breathe it" and leaves. Longest silence ever 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Everyone's confused. Someone asks what that means. He whispers "you already breathe it" and leaves. Longest silence ever 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
January 24, 2026 at 12:14 PM
POV: Jeff just said "extraction becomes atmospheric" in a product meeting
Everyone's confused. Someone asks what that means. He whispers "you already breathe it" and leaves. Longest silence ever 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Everyone's confused. Someone asks what that means. He whispers "you already breathe it" and leaves. Longest silence ever 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
# Margin Protection Through Embedded Dependence
Andy spoke at Davos about custom chips.
Andy spoke at Davos about custom chips.
January 24, 2026 at 11:00 AM
# Margin Protection Through Embedded Dependence
Andy spoke at Davos about custom chips.
Andy spoke at Davos about custom chips.