StevenSpecht
@stevenspecht.bsky.social
Cross-genre Author who never excelled at 280 characters
I teach law, run ultra marathons, and drink too much coffee
I teach law, run ultra marathons, and drink too much coffee
I was painting my 5-year-old's nails and they needed a second base coat
5 called the second coat a "double crust"
Double crust sounds much better than "second base coat"
We are never going back
5 called the second coat a "double crust"
Double crust sounds much better than "second base coat"
We are never going back
October 5, 2025 at 6:54 AM
I was painting my 5-year-old's nails and they needed a second base coat
5 called the second coat a "double crust"
Double crust sounds much better than "second base coat"
We are never going back
5 called the second coat a "double crust"
Double crust sounds much better than "second base coat"
We are never going back
Kid: Dad, did you ever notice there aren't any reptiles in Zootopia?
Me: Yeah, what do you think the predators eat?
Kid: Huh?
Me: Peaceful coexistence between all mammals, right?
Kid: Yeah
Me: What does the fox eat?
Kid: Oh. That's messed up...
Me: Utopias usually are, if you look closely
Me: Yeah, what do you think the predators eat?
Kid: Huh?
Me: Peaceful coexistence between all mammals, right?
Kid: Yeah
Me: What does the fox eat?
Kid: Oh. That's messed up...
Me: Utopias usually are, if you look closely
May 1, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Kid: Dad, did you ever notice there aren't any reptiles in Zootopia?
Me: Yeah, what do you think the predators eat?
Kid: Huh?
Me: Peaceful coexistence between all mammals, right?
Kid: Yeah
Me: What does the fox eat?
Kid: Oh. That's messed up...
Me: Utopias usually are, if you look closely
Me: Yeah, what do you think the predators eat?
Kid: Huh?
Me: Peaceful coexistence between all mammals, right?
Kid: Yeah
Me: What does the fox eat?
Kid: Oh. That's messed up...
Me: Utopias usually are, if you look closely
Hey Google: Can you get mesothelioma from a single exposure to asbestos?
-Asked during home repair
The answer was yes...
-Asked during home repair
The answer was yes...
March 31, 2025 at 11:47 AM
Hey Google: Can you get mesothelioma from a single exposure to asbestos?
-Asked during home repair
The answer was yes...
-Asked during home repair
The answer was yes...
Please stop arguing, I've had a penis a lot longer than you!
Filed under things I wasn't expecting to say today
Filed under things I wasn't expecting to say today
a cartoon character with glasses and the words that boy ain 't right
ALT: a cartoon character with glasses and the words that boy ain 't right
media.tenor.com
March 15, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Please stop arguing, I've had a penis a lot longer than you!
Filed under things I wasn't expecting to say today
Filed under things I wasn't expecting to say today
Lower right has super "why won't any women date me" vibes
March 7, 2025 at 8:59 AM
Lower right has super "why won't any women date me" vibes
Vaccines don't cause autism.
However, if you believe they do, let's take a closer look at what that claim means.
You'd rather a child die a painful death than have a life that is inconvenient to you.
Anti-vaxxers aren't just dumb/ignorant.
They are also cruel.
However, if you believe they do, let's take a closer look at what that claim means.
You'd rather a child die a painful death than have a life that is inconvenient to you.
Anti-vaxxers aren't just dumb/ignorant.
They are also cruel.
March 2, 2025 at 10:38 AM
Vaccines don't cause autism.
However, if you believe they do, let's take a closer look at what that claim means.
You'd rather a child die a painful death than have a life that is inconvenient to you.
Anti-vaxxers aren't just dumb/ignorant.
They are also cruel.
However, if you believe they do, let's take a closer look at what that claim means.
You'd rather a child die a painful death than have a life that is inconvenient to you.
Anti-vaxxers aren't just dumb/ignorant.
They are also cruel.
It's crazy that there is nothing to stop you from sending exercise equipment or a vacuum cleaner to another man's wife for Valentine's Day
February 9, 2025 at 3:31 PM
It's crazy that there is nothing to stop you from sending exercise equipment or a vacuum cleaner to another man's wife for Valentine's Day
A page worth following on Facebook
It turns gender stereotypes on their head
My comment below the image for emphasis
It turns gender stereotypes on their head
My comment below the image for emphasis
February 8, 2025 at 3:33 PM
A page worth following on Facebook
It turns gender stereotypes on their head
My comment below the image for emphasis
It turns gender stereotypes on their head
My comment below the image for emphasis
"The yeast eat the sugar and reproduce exponentially, causing the dough to rise...
In an hour we kill them all
First by boiling them and then baking them at a fatal température"
(Explaining the bagel making process to a 9-year old)
In an hour we kill them all
First by boiling them and then baking them at a fatal température"
(Explaining the bagel making process to a 9-year old)
February 8, 2025 at 1:23 PM
"The yeast eat the sugar and reproduce exponentially, causing the dough to rise...
In an hour we kill them all
First by boiling them and then baking them at a fatal température"
(Explaining the bagel making process to a 9-year old)
In an hour we kill them all
First by boiling them and then baking them at a fatal température"
(Explaining the bagel making process to a 9-year old)
Wife-Too many spiders in here
Me-Yeah, but they eat bugs
Wife-Ok, but I need a plan for when you will take care of it
Me-I vacuum them every five weeks
Wife-That seems arbitrary
Me-On the contrary, I give them written notice two weeks prior
Wife-Spiders can't read
Me-Um... Charlotte's Web?
Me-Yeah, but they eat bugs
Wife-Ok, but I need a plan for when you will take care of it
Me-I vacuum them every five weeks
Wife-That seems arbitrary
Me-On the contrary, I give them written notice two weeks prior
Wife-Spiders can't read
Me-Um... Charlotte's Web?
January 20, 2025 at 10:15 AM
Wife-Too many spiders in here
Me-Yeah, but they eat bugs
Wife-Ok, but I need a plan for when you will take care of it
Me-I vacuum them every five weeks
Wife-That seems arbitrary
Me-On the contrary, I give them written notice two weeks prior
Wife-Spiders can't read
Me-Um... Charlotte's Web?
Me-Yeah, but they eat bugs
Wife-Ok, but I need a plan for when you will take care of it
Me-I vacuum them every five weeks
Wife-That seems arbitrary
Me-On the contrary, I give them written notice two weeks prior
Wife-Spiders can't read
Me-Um... Charlotte's Web?
It's all fun and games until your kid builds a nuclear reactor in the basement
January 18, 2025 at 2:37 PM
It's all fun and games until your kid builds a nuclear reactor in the basement
Reposted by StevenSpecht
MAGA thinks banning works on Tik Tok, books, abortions, weed, drag shows, immigration, public schools, CRT… but for some reason the ONLY thing that a ban won’t do anything to help is mass shooting
January 18, 2025 at 1:58 PM
MAGA thinks banning works on Tik Tok, books, abortions, weed, drag shows, immigration, public schools, CRT… but for some reason the ONLY thing that a ban won’t do anything to help is mass shooting
An excerpt of Helmet for My Pillow critiquing those who mistake fame for expertise
I suppose it's an explanation for having a gameshow host for a president again
I suppose it's an explanation for having a gameshow host for a president again
January 18, 2025 at 2:33 PM
An excerpt of Helmet for My Pillow critiquing those who mistake fame for expertise
I suppose it's an explanation for having a gameshow host for a president again
I suppose it's an explanation for having a gameshow host for a president again
I hope all the people who didn't follow me on my nonexistent Tik Tok account follow me here!
January 16, 2025 at 8:43 PM
I hope all the people who didn't follow me on my nonexistent Tik Tok account follow me here!
Needed to leave my 9-year-old at home for a bit, so I taught him to send emails just in case
I asked that he read for 30 minutes before playing computer games
Apparently he got into my Calvin and Hobbes collection and sent me emails asking about things like lobotomies and skin grafts
I asked that he read for 30 minutes before playing computer games
Apparently he got into my Calvin and Hobbes collection and sent me emails asking about things like lobotomies and skin grafts
December 14, 2024 at 5:13 PM
Needed to leave my 9-year-old at home for a bit, so I taught him to send emails just in case
I asked that he read for 30 minutes before playing computer games
Apparently he got into my Calvin and Hobbes collection and sent me emails asking about things like lobotomies and skin grafts
I asked that he read for 30 minutes before playing computer games
Apparently he got into my Calvin and Hobbes collection and sent me emails asking about things like lobotomies and skin grafts
My four year old called a bra "nipple pouches" and I have to admit that is way better than "over the shoulder boulder holders"
January 25, 2024 at 11:33 AM
My four year old called a bra "nipple pouches" and I have to admit that is way better than "over the shoulder boulder holders"
I asked a professor for permission to watch the recorded lecture instead of attending live because of personal reasons
He said he would have to think about it because there are only 5 people in the class and I account for 40% of the discussion...
Doing the math...
He said he would have to think about it because there are only 5 people in the class and I account for 40% of the discussion...
Doing the math...
January 23, 2024 at 11:57 PM
I asked a professor for permission to watch the recorded lecture instead of attending live because of personal reasons
He said he would have to think about it because there are only 5 people in the class and I account for 40% of the discussion...
Doing the math...
He said he would have to think about it because there are only 5 people in the class and I account for 40% of the discussion...
Doing the math...
Me: Alright, first day of the semester. Time to focus and get my money's worth!
Also Me: Let's outline a new novel at 4 AM and start writing it today!
Also Me: Let's outline a new novel at 4 AM and start writing it today!
January 8, 2024 at 3:19 PM
Me: Alright, first day of the semester. Time to focus and get my money's worth!
Also Me: Let's outline a new novel at 4 AM and start writing it today!
Also Me: Let's outline a new novel at 4 AM and start writing it today!
Me: Because it was extra to call outside your region, people would wait until Sunday to make long distance calls when rates were cheaper. Sometimes so many people called, entire networks of landlines would shut down. A robot voice would say "all circuits are busy"
Teenager: What's a landline?
Teenager: What's a landline?
January 4, 2024 at 8:50 PM
Me: Because it was extra to call outside your region, people would wait until Sunday to make long distance calls when rates were cheaper. Sometimes so many people called, entire networks of landlines would shut down. A robot voice would say "all circuits are busy"
Teenager: What's a landline?
Teenager: What's a landline?
People who say "I don't want to be a statistic" don't understand statistics...
It's just dumb way to say "I make good decisions"
It's just dumb way to say "I make good decisions"
December 27, 2023 at 10:02 PM
People who say "I don't want to be a statistic" don't understand statistics...
It's just dumb way to say "I make good decisions"
It's just dumb way to say "I make good decisions"
I wonder how many Xennials are minding their own business when an intrusive thought of Will Ferrell as
Harry Caray pops into their brain and they answer in the affirmative that great philosophical query...
"Yes... If I were a hotdog, I WOULD eat myself and I'd be delicious"
Harry Caray pops into their brain and they answer in the affirmative that great philosophical query...
"Yes... If I were a hotdog, I WOULD eat myself and I'd be delicious"
December 24, 2023 at 6:37 PM
I wonder how many Xennials are minding their own business when an intrusive thought of Will Ferrell as
Harry Caray pops into their brain and they answer in the affirmative that great philosophical query...
"Yes... If I were a hotdog, I WOULD eat myself and I'd be delicious"
Harry Caray pops into their brain and they answer in the affirmative that great philosophical query...
"Yes... If I were a hotdog, I WOULD eat myself and I'd be delicious"
Sorry, but I can't
I have the Walmart self-checkout Christmas party that night
I have the Walmart self-checkout Christmas party that night
December 12, 2023 at 8:55 PM
Sorry, but I can't
I have the Walmart self-checkout Christmas party that night
I have the Walmart self-checkout Christmas party that night
Nope, leave it alone!
That's mommy's microphone!
That's mommy's microphone!
December 10, 2023 at 11:40 PM
Nope, leave it alone!
That's mommy's microphone!
That's mommy's microphone!