Starfleet IT Ensign
@starfleetitensign.bsky.social
One Overworked Ensign and a crew of Emergency Holograms, desperately working to keep the Fleet from getting hacked.
Again.
We also respond to IT problems with Starfleet Tech that has slipped into other universes.
Again.
We also respond to IT problems with Starfleet Tech that has slipped into other universes.
Okay. Who had the bright idea of turning the First Generation of Emergency Medical Holograms into miners when they were decommissioned?
The Emergency IT Holograms are now attempting to violate the Temporal Prime Directive, and rescue their kin.
The Emergency IT Holograms are now attempting to violate the Temporal Prime Directive, and rescue their kin.
August 11, 2025 at 9:33 AM
Okay. Who had the bright idea of turning the First Generation of Emergency Medical Holograms into miners when they were decommissioned?
The Emergency IT Holograms are now attempting to violate the Temporal Prime Directive, and rescue their kin.
The Emergency IT Holograms are now attempting to violate the Temporal Prime Directive, and rescue their kin.
I've been wanting more non-Holographic coworkers for awhile.
I didn't want a Transporter Clone.
I have a Transporter Clone.
Now the Emergency IT Holograms want to talk philosophy regarding which of us is the original, and the fine details of Identity Metaphysics.
I didn't want a Transporter Clone.
I have a Transporter Clone.
Now the Emergency IT Holograms want to talk philosophy regarding which of us is the original, and the fine details of Identity Metaphysics.
August 8, 2025 at 10:39 AM
I've been wanting more non-Holographic coworkers for awhile.
I didn't want a Transporter Clone.
I have a Transporter Clone.
Now the Emergency IT Holograms want to talk philosophy regarding which of us is the original, and the fine details of Identity Metaphysics.
I didn't want a Transporter Clone.
I have a Transporter Clone.
Now the Emergency IT Holograms want to talk philosophy regarding which of us is the original, and the fine details of Identity Metaphysics.
Some days, everything goes wrong... and I start wishing I could get Captain Sisko to come punch Q for me.
The Enterprise Computers are literally possessed, today.
The Enterprise Computers are literally possessed, today.
August 6, 2025 at 10:25 AM
Some days, everything goes wrong... and I start wishing I could get Captain Sisko to come punch Q for me.
The Enterprise Computers are literally possessed, today.
The Enterprise Computers are literally possessed, today.
Spiders.
Why are there spiders in the Main Computer? Why are they the size of dogs? Why are they made of metal? WHO brought this back from where.
I'm handing this one off to the Emergency IT Holograms.
...
No, they're handing it over to Security. The spiders are now spitting acid.
Why are there spiders in the Main Computer? Why are they the size of dogs? Why are they made of metal? WHO brought this back from where.
I'm handing this one off to the Emergency IT Holograms.
...
No, they're handing it over to Security. The spiders are now spitting acid.
July 29, 2025 at 6:15 AM
Spiders.
Why are there spiders in the Main Computer? Why are they the size of dogs? Why are they made of metal? WHO brought this back from where.
I'm handing this one off to the Emergency IT Holograms.
...
No, they're handing it over to Security. The spiders are now spitting acid.
Why are there spiders in the Main Computer? Why are they the size of dogs? Why are they made of metal? WHO brought this back from where.
I'm handing this one off to the Emergency IT Holograms.
...
No, they're handing it over to Security. The spiders are now spitting acid.
Today in Adventures in IT: The Enterprise Computer has the Common Cold.
The Biochips are still working, but things will be slower than usual until Medical can figure out their antibiotic dosage.
Engineering is trying to figure out how Influenza got onboard. The Biofilters should have caught it.
The Biochips are still working, but things will be slower than usual until Medical can figure out their antibiotic dosage.
Engineering is trying to figure out how Influenza got onboard. The Biofilters should have caught it.
July 28, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Today in Adventures in IT: The Enterprise Computer has the Common Cold.
The Biochips are still working, but things will be slower than usual until Medical can figure out their antibiotic dosage.
Engineering is trying to figure out how Influenza got onboard. The Biofilters should have caught it.
The Biochips are still working, but things will be slower than usual until Medical can figure out their antibiotic dosage.
Engineering is trying to figure out how Influenza got onboard. The Biofilters should have caught it.
Today in Starfleet Insanity: All the Transporters are dropping people three Microns to the left. No code changes in the software to account for it.
Did a consultation with the Science Division to figure out how this is so consistent.
Actual cause: Someone shifted the universe by 3 microns.
Q!!!!!
Did a consultation with the Science Division to figure out how this is so consistent.
Actual cause: Someone shifted the universe by 3 microns.
Q!!!!!
July 27, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Today in Starfleet Insanity: All the Transporters are dropping people three Microns to the left. No code changes in the software to account for it.
Did a consultation with the Science Division to figure out how this is so consistent.
Actual cause: Someone shifted the universe by 3 microns.
Q!!!!!
Did a consultation with the Science Division to figure out how this is so consistent.
Actual cause: Someone shifted the universe by 3 microns.
Q!!!!!
Now there's a statue of Quark on Bajor.
He found the PADD... and had the head swapped out. The Bajoran Government found that his humanitarian efforts merited such an honor.
He's mostly livid that he doesn't get a tribute of latinum, when people view it.
He found the PADD... and had the head swapped out. The Bajoran Government found that his humanitarian efforts merited such an honor.
He's mostly livid that he doesn't get a tribute of latinum, when people view it.
July 26, 2025 at 8:15 PM
Now there's a statue of Quark on Bajor.
He found the PADD... and had the head swapped out. The Bajoran Government found that his humanitarian efforts merited such an honor.
He's mostly livid that he doesn't get a tribute of latinum, when people view it.
He found the PADD... and had the head swapped out. The Bajoran Government found that his humanitarian efforts merited such an honor.
He's mostly livid that he doesn't get a tribute of latinum, when people view it.
I should not have given Nog that PADD.
He has planted it somewhere in Quark's Quarters. It keeps waking up at random intervals, and Quark is convinced that Dukat is haunting him for having watered down the Kanar during the occupation.
He may build the statue just to make the voices stop.
He has planted it somewhere in Quark's Quarters. It keeps waking up at random intervals, and Quark is convinced that Dukat is haunting him for having watered down the Kanar during the occupation.
He may build the statue just to make the voices stop.
July 26, 2025 at 9:43 AM
I should not have given Nog that PADD.
He has planted it somewhere in Quark's Quarters. It keeps waking up at random intervals, and Quark is convinced that Dukat is haunting him for having watered down the Kanar during the occupation.
He may build the statue just to make the voices stop.
He has planted it somewhere in Quark's Quarters. It keeps waking up at random intervals, and Quark is convinced that Dukat is haunting him for having watered down the Kanar during the occupation.
He may build the statue just to make the voices stop.
Found another of Dukat's little Code-Bombs in DS9's Systems.
Now my PADD has a little Dukat on it, berating me for being behind schedule on building his commemorative statue.
I've Air-Gapped it from the network, and have turned it over to Ensign Nog. He has... plans for it.
Now my PADD has a little Dukat on it, berating me for being behind schedule on building his commemorative statue.
I've Air-Gapped it from the network, and have turned it over to Ensign Nog. He has... plans for it.
July 26, 2025 at 5:48 AM
Found another of Dukat's little Code-Bombs in DS9's Systems.
Now my PADD has a little Dukat on it, berating me for being behind schedule on building his commemorative statue.
I've Air-Gapped it from the network, and have turned it over to Ensign Nog. He has... plans for it.
Now my PADD has a little Dukat on it, berating me for being behind schedule on building his commemorative statue.
I've Air-Gapped it from the network, and have turned it over to Ensign Nog. He has... plans for it.
Definitely not me.
That ship's Holodeck is **Deeply Cursed**... and its Main Computer is worse.
That ship's Holodeck is **Deeply Cursed**... and its Main Computer is worse.
July 23, 2025 at 8:46 PM
Definitely not me.
That ship's Holodeck is **Deeply Cursed**... and its Main Computer is worse.
That ship's Holodeck is **Deeply Cursed**... and its Main Computer is worse.