Skwahder
@skwahder.bsky.social
Men who think that a woman's place is in the kitchen, clearly don't remember that's where the knives are kept.
December 6, 2025 at 2:54 PM
Men who think that a woman's place is in the kitchen, clearly don't remember that's where the knives are kept.
I run every day for 30 minutes, if I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day.
This has truly been a game changer, tomorrow I'm supposed to run for 3 weeks.
This has truly been a game changer, tomorrow I'm supposed to run for 3 weeks.
December 5, 2025 at 2:37 PM
I run every day for 30 minutes, if I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day.
This has truly been a game changer, tomorrow I'm supposed to run for 3 weeks.
This has truly been a game changer, tomorrow I'm supposed to run for 3 weeks.
There's a gang going through our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.
The police believe they're still at large.
The police believe they're still at large.
December 4, 2025 at 1:31 PM
There's a gang going through our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.
The police believe they're still at large.
The police believe they're still at large.
I was looking at this girl because she had a piece of spaghetti stuck in her hair.
She looked at me and said "I have a boyfriend".
Me: “Well ok noodle head.”
She looked at me and said "I have a boyfriend".
Me: “Well ok noodle head.”
December 3, 2025 at 2:34 PM
I was looking at this girl because she had a piece of spaghetti stuck in her hair.
She looked at me and said "I have a boyfriend".
Me: “Well ok noodle head.”
She looked at me and said "I have a boyfriend".
Me: “Well ok noodle head.”
What do you call a Christmas Wreath made of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins
Aretha Franklins
December 2, 2025 at 1:56 PM
What do you call a Christmas Wreath made of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins
Aretha Franklins
Me after last Christmas: (stuffing tangled tree lights into a box)
I'll worry about it next year!
Me ready to decorate my Christmas tree today:
Son of a bitch!
I'll worry about it next year!
Me ready to decorate my Christmas tree today:
Son of a bitch!
December 1, 2025 at 2:51 PM
Me after last Christmas: (stuffing tangled tree lights into a box)
I'll worry about it next year!
Me ready to decorate my Christmas tree today:
Son of a bitch!
I'll worry about it next year!
Me ready to decorate my Christmas tree today:
Son of a bitch!
I'm aging like a fine banana.
November 30, 2025 at 3:16 PM
I'm aging like a fine banana.
Ladies just go with me here, what if...he's actually right?
November 29, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Ladies just go with me here, what if...he's actually right?
*SCAM ALERT*
Ladies please be careful when ordering your loved one’s Christmas gifts. Twice now l've placed orders and twice everything that was delivered was for me.
Be alert.
Ladies please be careful when ordering your loved one’s Christmas gifts. Twice now l've placed orders and twice everything that was delivered was for me.
Be alert.
November 28, 2025 at 1:01 PM
*SCAM ALERT*
Ladies please be careful when ordering your loved one’s Christmas gifts. Twice now l've placed orders and twice everything that was delivered was for me.
Be alert.
Ladies please be careful when ordering your loved one’s Christmas gifts. Twice now l've placed orders and twice everything that was delivered was for me.
Be alert.
I'm not saying I'm old, but I just had to increase my font size to “billboard”.
November 27, 2025 at 2:47 PM
I'm not saying I'm old, but I just had to increase my font size to “billboard”.
My email password was hacked again. It's the third time I've had to rename my dog.
November 26, 2025 at 1:39 PM
My email password was hacked again. It's the third time I've had to rename my dog.
I think the Heels bored them into sleep tonight.
November 26, 2025 at 12:40 AM
I think the Heels bored them into sleep tonight.
To the people who put antlers and a red rudolph nose on your car for christmas, you can’t fool me, I know that’s a car.
November 25, 2025 at 3:08 PM
To the people who put antlers and a red rudolph nose on your car for christmas, you can’t fool me, I know that’s a car.
Everyone has that one fork in their cutlery drawer that you just don’t like and you frown if you accidentally grab it.
November 24, 2025 at 1:30 PM
Everyone has that one fork in their cutlery drawer that you just don’t like and you frown if you accidentally grab it.
When you jump up and down, you don’t really jump down.
November 23, 2025 at 3:42 PM
When you jump up and down, you don’t really jump down.
The inventor of Pop Rocks:
“Sugar is not good enough, it also needs to detonate.”
“Sugar is not good enough, it also needs to detonate.”
November 22, 2025 at 1:39 PM
The inventor of Pop Rocks:
“Sugar is not good enough, it also needs to detonate.”
“Sugar is not good enough, it also needs to detonate.”
Reminder for Christmas:
If your birth year starts with 19, wrap your presents on a table instead of the floor.
If your birth year starts with 19, wrap your presents on a table instead of the floor.
November 21, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Reminder for Christmas:
If your birth year starts with 19, wrap your presents on a table instead of the floor.
If your birth year starts with 19, wrap your presents on a table instead of the floor.
If you honk your horn 0.4 seconds after the light turns green, I will shut off my car, lay on the hood, and feed birds for an hour.
November 20, 2025 at 1:57 PM
If you honk your horn 0.4 seconds after the light turns green, I will shut off my car, lay on the hood, and feed birds for an hour.
I'm really getting into the Thanksgiving spirit. I've given the bird to lots of people in the last week or so.
November 19, 2025 at 2:56 PM
I'm really getting into the Thanksgiving spirit. I've given the bird to lots of people in the last week or so.
I don’t care how old I get, I will NEVER, under any circumstances sleep with a closet door open.
November 18, 2025 at 3:10 PM
I don’t care how old I get, I will NEVER, under any circumstances sleep with a closet door open.
Everyone go check out the annual Lego Christmas Town. It FREE to anyone. www.facebook.com/share/v/1NCJ...
Redirecting...
www.facebook.com
November 17, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Everyone go check out the annual Lego Christmas Town. It FREE to anyone. www.facebook.com/share/v/1NCJ...
I'm pretty sure I was the total package once, but shipping and handling damaged me. Now I'm a
scratch-and-dent item, sold as-is.
scratch-and-dent item, sold as-is.
November 17, 2025 at 1:44 PM
I'm pretty sure I was the total package once, but shipping and handling damaged me. Now I'm a
scratch-and-dent item, sold as-is.
scratch-and-dent item, sold as-is.
My biggest obstacle is that I only like salads when they're made by other people and cost $16.
November 16, 2025 at 2:01 PM
My biggest obstacle is that I only like salads when they're made by other people and cost $16.
When a female sloth is ready to find a mate, she simply sits and screams until a male shows up.
November 15, 2025 at 1:53 PM
When a female sloth is ready to find a mate, she simply sits and screams until a male shows up.