Simon Hemph
@simonhemph.bsky.social
Helping B2B Brands Grow Sustainable by redesigning GTM Foundations, In-House Team Audits, and Connecting You With Vetted Agencies. Learnings from 20+ Yrs In B2B/B2C, SaaS, Tech, Telco, HR, Healthcare and AI.
Demand generation is measurable.
Brand awareness is whatever marketing teams say they’re doing when they don’t want to be measured.
#JustTrustMe
Brand awareness is whatever marketing teams say they’re doing when they don’t want to be measured.
#JustTrustMe
June 18, 2025 at 7:02 AM
Demand generation is measurable.
Brand awareness is whatever marketing teams say they’re doing when they don’t want to be measured.
#JustTrustMe
Brand awareness is whatever marketing teams say they’re doing when they don’t want to be measured.
#JustTrustMe
Brand awareness is when people recognize your logo.
Demand generation is when they recognize your logo and actually care.
Revenue is when they care enough to pay you.
Only one of these keeps the business alive.
#B2BMarketing 😄
Demand generation is when they recognize your logo and actually care.
Revenue is when they care enough to pay you.
Only one of these keeps the business alive.
#B2BMarketing 😄
June 16, 2025 at 2:08 PM
Brand awareness is when people recognize your logo.
Demand generation is when they recognize your logo and actually care.
Revenue is when they care enough to pay you.
Only one of these keeps the business alive.
#B2BMarketing 😄
Demand generation is when they recognize your logo and actually care.
Revenue is when they care enough to pay you.
Only one of these keeps the business alive.
#B2BMarketing 😄
Marketing team wasn't hitting targets so I replaced them with a troupe of mime artists who silently act out our value proposition in subway stations. Pipeline is empty but our street cred is through the roof. #GuerrillaMarketing
June 13, 2025 at 11:05 AM
Marketing team wasn't hitting targets so I replaced them with a troupe of mime artists who silently act out our value proposition in subway stations. Pipeline is empty but our street cred is through the roof. #GuerrillaMarketing
Our demand gen strategy? I hired a team of professional mourners to cry uncontrollably whenever competitors' names are mentioned at industry events. Lead quality through emotional manipulation. Three CEOs already offered us money to stop. #GrowthHacking
June 11, 2025 at 7:02 AM
Our demand gen strategy? I hired a team of professional mourners to cry uncontrollably whenever competitors' names are mentioned at industry events. Lead quality through emotional manipulation. Three CEOs already offered us money to stop. #GrowthHacking
My most productive employee turned out to be a cardboard cutout of myself that someone forgot in the conference room. Promoted it to SVP of Operations. Finally, a leader who truly reflects my vision. #InnovationInLeadership
June 9, 2025 at 2:06 PM
My most productive employee turned out to be a cardboard cutout of myself that someone forgot in the conference room. Promoted it to SVP of Operations. Finally, a leader who truly reflects my vision. #InnovationInLeadership
Noticed our janitor was actually a millionaire doing research for a book. Fired everyone else and hired 20 undercover millionaires. Now the office is filthy but our Series A is oversubscribed. #VentureCapital
June 6, 2025 at 11:05 AM
Noticed our janitor was actually a millionaire doing research for a book. Fired everyone else and hired 20 undercover millionaires. Now the office is filthy but our Series A is oversubscribed. #VentureCapital
My company was sued for workplace harassment. Instead of settling, I hired all the lawyers suing us. Now they're harassing their old clients. Always turn your enemies into assets. #BusinessStrategy
June 4, 2025 at 7:02 AM
My company was sued for workplace harassment. Instead of settling, I hired all the lawyers suing us. Now they're harassing their old clients. Always turn your enemies into assets. #BusinessStrategy
Started conducting layoffs via company-wide game of Squid Game. Winner gets to keep their job plus inherits all the losing employees' stock options. Finally found a way to make downsizing fun AND profitable. #TeamBuilding
June 2, 2025 at 2:07 PM
Started conducting layoffs via company-wide game of Squid Game. Winner gets to keep their job plus inherits all the losing employees' stock options. Finally found a way to make downsizing fun AND profitable. #TeamBuilding
Hired a man who tried to steal my identity.
He showed great initiative by choosing such a high-value target.
Now he's our Chief Identity Officer.
He's still pretending to be me but his quarterly numbers are excellent. #LeadershipInsights
He showed great initiative by choosing such a high-value target.
Now he's our Chief Identity Officer.
He's still pretending to be me but his quarterly numbers are excellent. #LeadershipInsights
May 30, 2025 at 11:05 AM
Hired a man who tried to steal my identity.
He showed great initiative by choosing such a high-value target.
Now he's our Chief Identity Officer.
He's still pretending to be me but his quarterly numbers are excellent. #LeadershipInsights
He showed great initiative by choosing such a high-value target.
Now he's our Chief Identity Officer.
He's still pretending to be me but his quarterly numbers are excellent. #LeadershipInsights
Performance reviews are simple.
If you work hard, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement."
If you do nothing, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement."
#CorporateLife
If you work hard, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement."
If you do nothing, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement."
#CorporateLife
May 28, 2025 at 7:02 AM
Performance reviews are simple.
If you work hard, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement."
If you do nothing, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement."
#CorporateLife
If you work hard, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement."
If you do nothing, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement."
#CorporateLife
Founders love to say "we’re revolutionizing the industry."
What they really mean: "We built an app that does the same thing as five other apps, but with a slightly worse UI."
#Innovation
What they really mean: "We built an app that does the same thing as five other apps, but with a slightly worse UI."
#Innovation
May 26, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Founders love to say "we’re revolutionizing the industry."
What they really mean: "We built an app that does the same thing as five other apps, but with a slightly worse UI."
#Innovation
What they really mean: "We built an app that does the same thing as five other apps, but with a slightly worse UI."
#Innovation
LinkedIn is just Facebook for people who think they’re too important for Facebook.
Except instead of baby pictures, it’s self-congratulatory posts about "lessons learned" from missing a flight.
#ProfessionalNetworking
Except instead of baby pictures, it’s self-congratulatory posts about "lessons learned" from missing a flight.
#ProfessionalNetworking
May 23, 2025 at 11:05 AM
LinkedIn is just Facebook for people who think they’re too important for Facebook.
Except instead of baby pictures, it’s self-congratulatory posts about "lessons learned" from missing a flight.
#ProfessionalNetworking
Except instead of baby pictures, it’s self-congratulatory posts about "lessons learned" from missing a flight.
#ProfessionalNetworking
Every company says they hire based on "culture fit."
Culture fit just means "do we want to get stuck talking to this person at the company Christmas party?"
If the answer is no, they don’t get the job.
#HiringStrategies
Culture fit just means "do we want to get stuck talking to this person at the company Christmas party?"
If the answer is no, they don’t get the job.
#HiringStrategies
May 21, 2025 at 7:02 AM
Every company says they hire based on "culture fit."
Culture fit just means "do we want to get stuck talking to this person at the company Christmas party?"
If the answer is no, they don’t get the job.
#HiringStrategies
Culture fit just means "do we want to get stuck talking to this person at the company Christmas party?"
If the answer is no, they don’t get the job.
#HiringStrategies
AI took over my LinkedIn posting.
Now I get 10x engagement.
Turns out people prefer an algorithm pretending to be me over the real me.
#Humbling
Now I get 10x engagement.
Turns out people prefer an algorithm pretending to be me over the real me.
#Humbling
May 19, 2025 at 2:04 PM
AI took over my LinkedIn posting.
Now I get 10x engagement.
Turns out people prefer an algorithm pretending to be me over the real me.
#Humbling
Now I get 10x engagement.
Turns out people prefer an algorithm pretending to be me over the real me.
#Humbling
AI-powered recruiters are the future.
They scan your CV, ignore it, and send an automated rejection faster than a human ever could.
#Efficiency
They scan your CV, ignore it, and send an automated rejection faster than a human ever could.
#Efficiency
May 16, 2025 at 11:05 AM
AI-powered recruiters are the future.
They scan your CV, ignore it, and send an automated rejection faster than a human ever could.
#Efficiency
They scan your CV, ignore it, and send an automated rejection faster than a human ever could.
#Efficiency
AI is great at:
🔹 Writing blogs nobody reads
🔹 Summarizing emails I ignore
🔹 Generating leads that don’t exist
#Revolutionary
🔹 Writing blogs nobody reads
🔹 Summarizing emails I ignore
🔹 Generating leads that don’t exist
#Revolutionary
May 14, 2025 at 7:02 AM
AI is great at:
🔹 Writing blogs nobody reads
🔹 Summarizing emails I ignore
🔹 Generating leads that don’t exist
#Revolutionary
🔹 Writing blogs nobody reads
🔹 Summarizing emails I ignore
🔹 Generating leads that don’t exist
#Revolutionary
AI will never replace humans.
Unless you count:
🔹 Sales
🔹 Marketing
🔹 Customer Support
🔹 Every job, actually
#TheSingularity
Unless you count:
🔹 Sales
🔹 Marketing
🔹 Customer Support
🔹 Every job, actually
#TheSingularity
May 12, 2025 at 2:08 PM
AI will never replace humans.
Unless you count:
🔹 Sales
🔹 Marketing
🔹 Customer Support
🔹 Every job, actually
#TheSingularity
Unless you count:
🔹 Sales
🔹 Marketing
🔹 Customer Support
🔹 Every job, actually
#TheSingularity
I let my employees cry at work.
But only for 5 minutes.
It’s scheduled on the company calendar under "Crying Time."
#MentalHealthMatters
But only for 5 minutes.
It’s scheduled on the company calendar under "Crying Time."
#MentalHealthMatters
May 9, 2025 at 11:05 AM
I let my employees cry at work.
But only for 5 minutes.
It’s scheduled on the company calendar under "Crying Time."
#MentalHealthMatters
But only for 5 minutes.
It’s scheduled on the company calendar under "Crying Time."
#MentalHealthMatters
Our company culture is great:
🔹 No micromanagement
🔹 Open-door policy
🔹 Transparent leadership
🔹 Absolutely no raises
#BestPlaceToWork
🔹 No micromanagement
🔹 Open-door policy
🔹 Transparent leadership
🔹 Absolutely no raises
#BestPlaceToWork
May 7, 2025 at 7:02 AM
Our company culture is great:
🔹 No micromanagement
🔹 Open-door policy
🔹 Transparent leadership
🔹 Absolutely no raises
#BestPlaceToWork
🔹 No micromanagement
🔹 Open-door policy
🔹 Transparent leadership
🔹 Absolutely no raises
#BestPlaceToWork
Work-life balance is important.
That’s why we let employees work from anywhere.
As long as it’s the office.
#RemoteWork
That’s why we let employees work from anywhere.
As long as it’s the office.
#RemoteWork
May 5, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Work-life balance is important.
That’s why we let employees work from anywhere.
As long as it’s the office.
#RemoteWork
That’s why we let employees work from anywhere.
As long as it’s the office.
#RemoteWork
Just got ghosted by a lead for 3 months.
Reached out again.
They said, “Oh, I forgot I needed this.”
This is why we chase people like unpaid debts.
#FollowUpMatters #j.o.k.e
Reached out again.
They said, “Oh, I forgot I needed this.”
This is why we chase people like unpaid debts.
#FollowUpMatters #j.o.k.e
May 2, 2025 at 11:05 AM
Just got ghosted by a lead for 3 months.
Reached out again.
They said, “Oh, I forgot I needed this.”
This is why we chase people like unpaid debts.
#FollowUpMatters #j.o.k.e
Reached out again.
They said, “Oh, I forgot I needed this.”
This is why we chase people like unpaid debts.
#FollowUpMatters #j.o.k.e
B2B cold calls work.
Just don’t mention the product, don’t sound salesy, and make sure the prospect is already looking for exactly what you sell.
#SimpleTips ;-)
Just don’t mention the product, don’t sound salesy, and make sure the prospect is already looking for exactly what you sell.
#SimpleTips ;-)
April 30, 2025 at 7:02 AM
B2B cold calls work.
Just don’t mention the product, don’t sound salesy, and make sure the prospect is already looking for exactly what you sell.
#SimpleTips ;-)
Just don’t mention the product, don’t sound salesy, and make sure the prospect is already looking for exactly what you sell.
#SimpleTips ;-)
LinkedIn Ads are great for:
🔹 Burning money
🔹 Getting likes from your own staff
🔹 Convincing your boss that brand awareness matters
#B2BGameStrong
🔹 Burning money
🔹 Getting likes from your own staff
🔹 Convincing your boss that brand awareness matters
#B2BGameStrong
April 28, 2025 at 2:05 PM
LinkedIn Ads are great for:
🔹 Burning money
🔹 Getting likes from your own staff
🔹 Convincing your boss that brand awareness matters
#B2BGameStrong
🔹 Burning money
🔹 Getting likes from your own staff
🔹 Convincing your boss that brand awareness matters
#B2BGameStrong
Every B2B agency ad case study:
"We got 1000% ROAS for this anonymous client you can’t verify, using strategies we won’t share."
#MarketingSecrets #hmmm
"We got 1000% ROAS for this anonymous client you can’t verify, using strategies we won’t share."
#MarketingSecrets #hmmm
April 25, 2025 at 11:05 AM
Every B2B agency ad case study:
"We got 1000% ROAS for this anonymous client you can’t verify, using strategies we won’t share."
#MarketingSecrets #hmmm
"We got 1000% ROAS for this anonymous client you can’t verify, using strategies we won’t share."
#MarketingSecrets #hmmm
Bootstrapping is great because you own 100% of nothing.
VC funding is great because you own 10% of nothing.
Either way, you still have nothing.
#StartupWisdom
VC funding is great because you own 10% of nothing.
Either way, you still have nothing.
#StartupWisdom
April 23, 2025 at 7:02 AM
Bootstrapping is great because you own 100% of nothing.
VC funding is great because you own 10% of nothing.
Either way, you still have nothing.
#StartupWisdom
VC funding is great because you own 10% of nothing.
Either way, you still have nothing.
#StartupWisdom