TWO RACCOONS FIGHTING OVER A ROCK THAT LOOKS LIKE A HAMBURGER

SCRUNGLED TOO HARD, ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL

SEND SNACKS

JUST SAW A POSSUM RUN BY ON HER HIND LEGS

GUESS SHE GOT INTO THE TOILET MUSHROOMS TOO, GONNA GO CHECK ON HER BRB

BEFORE ANYONE ASKS, NO I DIDN'T HAVE HOT SLOPPY MAKEOUTS WITH THE HAT MAN, AND I'M NOT STOCKING UP ON BENADRYL TO SEE HIM AGAIN

OH SHIT IT'S BEEN A WEEK SINCE I ATE THOSE MUSHROOMS

DON'T EAT TOILET MUSHROOMS

WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, I'M JUST NOW COMING DOWN

I GOT CHASED BY THE HAT MAN, HE WANTED TO DATE ME

MAKIN LUNCH WHO WANTS SOME

QUICK QUESTION FOR A FRIEND, WHY DO HOT DOGS TASTE LIKE DEPRESSION

IF YOU EVER MEET AN ELF NAMED CELEBORN, KNOW THAT HIS ACTUAL QUENYA NAME IS TELEPORNO

IT EMBARRASSES HIM AND HE OWES ME MONEY SO I DON'T CARE, MOCK HIM AS MUCH AS YOU WANT

IF A 7TH LEVEL RESURRECTION SPELL CLOSES ALL MORTAL WOUNDS AND RESTORES ANY MISSING BODY PARTS, DOES THAT MEAN IT ALSO UNCIRCUMCISES YOU

ASKING FOR A FRIEND

OKAY NOW I'M ON HERE INSTEAD OF THE BLUE BIRD THINGY THAT DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE

I STILL GET CRAP SIGNAL HERE, I THINK THE POSSUMS ARE TRYING TO EAT THE WIFI CABLES AGAIN