Shit Tom Says
@shittomsays.bsky.social
So my best friend Tom says some weird shit out of context... so lets take it out of context shall we? DMs are open for submissions. Ran by @figleafplays.bsky.social
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Shit Tom Says
@shittomsays.bsky.social
· Aug 23
With a whole ass onion on it because apparently biting an onion like an apple is "weird" and "get the fuck out of the produce department"
Amateurs
Amateurs
🎵 Mainline gravy in your veins 🎵
🎵 It will ease all your pain 🎵
🎵 Pump my body with curds 🎵
🎵 Fries in my face until I hurt 🎵
My new hit single. Coming soon
🎵 It will ease all your pain 🎵
🎵 Pump my body with curds 🎵
🎵 Fries in my face until I hurt 🎵
My new hit single. Coming soon
November 7, 2025 at 7:56 PM
🎵 Mainline gravy in your veins 🎵
🎵 It will ease all your pain 🎵
🎵 Pump my body with curds 🎵
🎵 Fries in my face until I hurt 🎵
My new hit single. Coming soon
🎵 It will ease all your pain 🎵
🎵 Pump my body with curds 🎵
🎵 Fries in my face until I hurt 🎵
My new hit single. Coming soon
I am a lasagna-based propaganda machine
October 18, 2025 at 10:12 PM
I am a lasagna-based propaganda machine
And they told me pine tree parmesan would never catch on. They're just trying to silence my genius
October 11, 2025 at 4:26 PM
And they told me pine tree parmesan would never catch on. They're just trying to silence my genius
I always heard the trees in Italy were made of spaghetti. Please confirm
October 11, 2025 at 1:13 PM
I always heard the trees in Italy were made of spaghetti. Please confirm
20-30 beanbag chairs
October 6, 2025 at 9:53 PM
20-30 beanbag chairs
Currently looking at a spec sheet for a product called a Supernut.
October 1, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Currently looking at a spec sheet for a product called a Supernut.
Okay so Electricity is actually controlled by a guy named Electric Jeff and he uses more of a pump and lever system rather than a crank. His job is very important. He called out of work one time and the entire state of Ohio lost power.
September 10, 2025 at 1:09 AM
Okay so Electricity is actually controlled by a guy named Electric Jeff and he uses more of a pump and lever system rather than a crank. His job is very important. He called out of work one time and the entire state of Ohio lost power.
I once made a Dave Mustaine fact about Hurricane Dave and it appears I have willed it into existence
September 1, 2025 at 1:40 PM
I once made a Dave Mustaine fact about Hurricane Dave and it appears I have willed it into existence
WELCOME TO ASS O'CLOCK, WEST COAST EDITION IT'S 4:30AM
August 31, 2025 at 1:02 PM
WELCOME TO ASS O'CLOCK, WEST COAST EDITION IT'S 4:30AM
I will personally rewrite all of the Lord of the Rings books, but the only difference is Tom Bombadil is a nu metal musician
August 23, 2025 at 1:29 PM
I will personally rewrite all of the Lord of the Rings books, but the only difference is Tom Bombadil is a nu metal musician
With a whole ass onion on it because apparently biting an onion like an apple is "weird" and "get the fuck out of the produce department"
Amateurs
Amateurs
August 23, 2025 at 1:29 PM
With a whole ass onion on it because apparently biting an onion like an apple is "weird" and "get the fuck out of the produce department"
Amateurs
Amateurs
Pacific Northwalgreens
August 23, 2025 at 12:00 AM
Pacific Northwalgreens
Just remember. We are all but hotdogs in the bun of life.
August 21, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Just remember. We are all but hotdogs in the bun of life.
Nothing quite like mainlining bananas at 30,000 feet
August 21, 2025 at 11:30 AM
Nothing quite like mainlining bananas at 30,000 feet
Baby's first blasphemy
August 16, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Baby's first blasphemy
Hell yeah I hope Daddy Gino feeds me personally
August 15, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Hell yeah I hope Daddy Gino feeds me personally
Kranky Kong is my sleep paralysis demon, and Donkey Kong is my awake paralysis demon.
June 19, 2025 at 1:41 AM
Kranky Kong is my sleep paralysis demon, and Donkey Kong is my awake paralysis demon.
Okay I'm ready. I smeared banana goo all over the living room in preparation
June 18, 2025 at 3:46 PM
Okay I'm ready. I smeared banana goo all over the living room in preparation
You know what. I've said it a million times before, but today feels especially relevant.
Daddy.
Daddy.
June 15, 2025 at 4:38 PM
You know what. I've said it a million times before, but today feels especially relevant.
Daddy.
Daddy.
I'm gonna make 89,624 alt accounts and use them to downvote your posts to keep you at exactly 69 karma
June 14, 2025 at 3:38 PM
I'm gonna make 89,624 alt accounts and use them to downvote your posts to keep you at exactly 69 karma
Please I can't be this erect inside a Target
June 14, 2025 at 3:37 PM
Please I can't be this erect inside a Target
No way those are gonna Cell
May 31, 2025 at 8:27 PM
No way those are gonna Cell
Obviously. Engineering is just a shell operation to hide my real job
May 20, 2025 at 1:43 AM
Obviously. Engineering is just a shell operation to hide my real job
Any sword is a toy sword if you play with it enough
April 24, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Any sword is a toy sword if you play with it enough