I’m not sure which was scarier: 1. the six-foot-long tongue snaking its way up the most delicate regions of my thigh, or 2. the zookeeper warning me that “they occasionally whip their 50lb heads like wrecking balls if they get startled” as the giraffe was acting very much startled by my wheelchair?

This is a niche observation but I’m hoping it reaches the @bsky.app team! iPhones have an accessibility feature that I use called Reachability that lets people swipe down on the screen to reach the top. When uploading photos to Bsky, and using Reachability to reach “Post,” the button doesn’t work.

Last year, without ever being inside one, I became convinced that Costco was the answer to all of life’s challenges, so I made a spreadsheet and presentation to persuade my wife that we needed the highest level membership. It was infallible math and reasoning.

We’ve gone exactly once in 365 days 👍🏼

Is there a way to report someone who is selling clear and obvious AI art and AI-written books while claiming that it’s all hand-drawn and written by him? The FBI? Justice Department? NATO?

I need this person to be in jail forever.

Guy stops me on the street to let me know he’s inventing a new wheelchair that can elevate the user “ten feet in the air,” but that he is “having trouble with the patent” because the current design “weighs 1,400lbs” and “does not fit through standard doorways,” so stay tuned for that one, guys!

Not to make my entire personality about my newfound catheter joy, but Hannah is going to a 6-hour taping of American Idol today. I’ll be alone at home, but able to pee freely the whole time thanks to Mr. Cathy. I’m super stoked about that and can’t believe it took me 32 years to try it.

Yesterday, at Disneyland, I’m expressing that it’s not the magical place I remember. Then, my wife leaves for a ride with her mom. I find a place to wait for them, away from the throngs. I kid you not, ten seconds later, a man teeters towards me and projectile vomits into the flowers 3ft to my left.

I feel so happy and free texting my family and friends that I’m using a catheter today because it’s EAGLES GAME DAY and I want to DRINK and PEE to my heart’s content.

#accessibility #eagles #disability #catheter #medical

Let my gravestone read: “his little atrophied heart just couldn’t handle Saquon’s brilliance”

#gobirds #philly #eagles

Grocery shopping, my wife and I stop at an aisle end-cap that’s showcasing a new flavor of potato chip. Intrigued, we’re discussing. An employee passes us, says with all the sincerity in the universe, “Just so you know, we have way more chips in aisle 5.”

The chip aisle.