We’re about to enter a new dark age, and our best surrealist has left the stage. Goodbye, David Lynch, wherever you are in the cosmos. Say hi to Bowie for us.

Reporter: Who gets credit for this? You or Trump?

Biden: Is that a joke?

I was up painting ornaments last night. In case you need proof that I’m an old nerd.

Today was my and my wife's 30th anniversary (we celebrate from our first date). Both of my narcissist parents continued their tradition of not acknowledging it at all, because we eloped instead of having a big wedding because we're poor. Sorry, guys! Enjoy another Christmas without me!

I still love Tumblr, but some days it's like being in a room with your buddies talking about what cartoons you liked in the 80s and, some dude walks in without pants acting like he doesn't notice he's pantsless and tries to subtly bring up how hot he always thought Janine from Ghostbusters was.

Wallace and Gromit went to the Moon for a cheese holiday in 1989 so don't give me this pioneering bullshit about Elon Musk.

Me all December.

Movies about tech bros think they’re telling a romantic story about how you have to be ruthless and brilliant to make a billion dollars, but really they’re just showing us how incels are constantly destroying reality because a woman called them out on their toxic behavior once.

Wow, Oprah really turned out to be a destructive force.

Some days I sincerely wish I was dumb as fuck and didn't give a shit about what happened to other people, because some of you just seem so joyful to be unburdened by empathy.

America in 2025 (artist’s depiction)

This week I went to a doctor’s appointment, got myself a new water filter and reusable bottle, ordered a new lamp for that dark corner, and weathered a water main break. Yeah, I’ve been adulting pretty hard. Probs gonna celebrate with cartoons and a chocolate bar.

Going to attempt to be more social here than elsewhere. Let me know if I manage to actually fool anyone into thinking I’m an interesting fellow.