boss: let me know if you need anything

me: I need happy hour to be legal in Boston again

We were not MEANT to CLICK CLACK on COMPUTERS all day. We were MEANT to drink beers in the GARAGE, listen to CLASSIC rock, and think about HOME IMPROVEMENT PROJECTS that we will never actually COMPLETE

Fantasy football is just Dungeons & Dragons for guys with buffalo dip and a high school knee injury that prevented them from "totally going pro"

First, take this beer—it'll soften the blow of what I'm about to tell you:

It doesn't matter if it's poured from a can or bottle, the beer will taste the same.

Apple cider donuts are proof God exists, but this beer is proof that he’s from Boston

if Samuel Adams were alive today, he’d definitely have a podcast and a homebrew setup that violates HOA regulations

Me: hey girl, I heard you like tall boys

Her: yeah I do 😏

Me: nice, 18 or 24 ounce?

Her: what?

Me: what?

REASON 178 TO DRINK BEER INSTEAD OF WINE: You’ll never have to learn how to spell sharkootery

Just saw someone say “it's pumpkin spice season.” That’s cute.

Real ones know it’s now OCTOBERFEST SEASON!! Now hand me a beer the size of a duck boat!!

August is like a fever dream. You’re grilling hot dogs in flip-flops while holding a stein of Octoberfest. Duality of man.