Sam Ogden
@samogden.bsky.social
I can't decipher if the positive things coming from my inner dialog are actually positive or just sarcasm.
Are they giving out real grandmas as awards at the Grammys this year?
I hope to christ they use rescues.
I hope to christ they use rescues.
January 31, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Are they giving out real grandmas as awards at the Grammys this year?
I hope to christ they use rescues.
I hope to christ they use rescues.
Man, I suddenly can't handle spicy food, I just bought a pair of cargo shorts from the Gap, and I don't have any rhythm. I think I have Honky Pox.
August 14, 2024 at 6:56 PM
Man, I suddenly can't handle spicy food, I just bought a pair of cargo shorts from the Gap, and I don't have any rhythm. I think I have Honky Pox.
I bet it's been almost a year since I was in a good pie fight.
June 19, 2024 at 12:00 AM
I bet it's been almost a year since I was in a good pie fight.
I love this time of year, when Dry January gives way to Liver Failure February. Such fond and fuzzy memories . . . .
February 1, 2024 at 1:11 PM
I love this time of year, when Dry January gives way to Liver Failure February. Such fond and fuzzy memories . . . .
I keep hearing announcers on NBA games say "score the basketball". It's that kind of superfluousness that killed Ghandi.
December 1, 2023 at 10:18 PM
I keep hearing announcers on NBA games say "score the basketball". It's that kind of superfluousness that killed Ghandi.
I dared my friend to shoot me in the face cuz I really didn't think he'd do it. But he did . . . And boy, was my face red.
December 1, 2023 at 10:15 PM
I dared my friend to shoot me in the face cuz I really didn't think he'd do it. But he did . . . And boy, was my face red.
Just found out that Father Time has that Benjamin Button thing. Soon it's either going to be 2024 or the Paleolithic era.
December 1, 2023 at 10:13 PM
Just found out that Father Time has that Benjamin Button thing. Soon it's either going to be 2024 or the Paleolithic era.
Much like a phone, I have been flip and I have been smart. I have been a crank. And yes, I have even been rotary; rotary as a sumbitch.
December 1, 2023 at 10:07 PM
Much like a phone, I have been flip and I have been smart. I have been a crank. And yes, I have even been rotary; rotary as a sumbitch.
Are they giving real grandmas to the winners at the Grammys again this year? I hope to christ they use rescues.
December 1, 2023 at 10:03 PM
Are they giving real grandmas to the winners at the Grammys again this year? I hope to christ they use rescues.
Unimpressive titles I hold:
Chapstick Junkie
Townie
The Rich Little of Mimes
Mr Wednesday Morning
Soup Whisperer
The Bagel's Advocate
Mr Monochrome
Serial Yawner
Breathe Right Strip Model
White Guy
Grocery List Jockey
Conscientious Sipper
Nap Master General
Tums Aficionado
Dude
Elite Jar Opener
Chapstick Junkie
Townie
The Rich Little of Mimes
Mr Wednesday Morning
Soup Whisperer
The Bagel's Advocate
Mr Monochrome
Serial Yawner
Breathe Right Strip Model
White Guy
Grocery List Jockey
Conscientious Sipper
Nap Master General
Tums Aficionado
Dude
Elite Jar Opener
December 1, 2023 at 10:01 PM
Unimpressive titles I hold:
Chapstick Junkie
Townie
The Rich Little of Mimes
Mr Wednesday Morning
Soup Whisperer
The Bagel's Advocate
Mr Monochrome
Serial Yawner
Breathe Right Strip Model
White Guy
Grocery List Jockey
Conscientious Sipper
Nap Master General
Tums Aficionado
Dude
Elite Jar Opener
Chapstick Junkie
Townie
The Rich Little of Mimes
Mr Wednesday Morning
Soup Whisperer
The Bagel's Advocate
Mr Monochrome
Serial Yawner
Breathe Right Strip Model
White Guy
Grocery List Jockey
Conscientious Sipper
Nap Master General
Tums Aficionado
Dude
Elite Jar Opener
Hello out there little troll
What is it that's wrong in your head
Are you upset cuz you lust for your mommy
Or is it your small penis instead
You say things ur scared to say in life
Your teeth would sure be kicked in
What makes you a big bag of dicks
Oh where oh where to begin
What is it that's wrong in your head
Are you upset cuz you lust for your mommy
Or is it your small penis instead
You say things ur scared to say in life
Your teeth would sure be kicked in
What makes you a big bag of dicks
Oh where oh where to begin
December 1, 2023 at 9:50 PM
Hello out there little troll
What is it that's wrong in your head
Are you upset cuz you lust for your mommy
Or is it your small penis instead
You say things ur scared to say in life
Your teeth would sure be kicked in
What makes you a big bag of dicks
Oh where oh where to begin
What is it that's wrong in your head
Are you upset cuz you lust for your mommy
Or is it your small penis instead
You say things ur scared to say in life
Your teeth would sure be kicked in
What makes you a big bag of dicks
Oh where oh where to begin
If I try real hard, I can look serious enough to sit directly behind a witness at a televised hearing.
December 1, 2023 at 9:48 PM
If I try real hard, I can look serious enough to sit directly behind a witness at a televised hearing.
Inescapable truth: Eventually, we all stink.
December 1, 2023 at 9:47 PM
Inescapable truth: Eventually, we all stink.
I'm disappointed in our local theater productions. I went to see the "Nutcracker" last night and it was just a guy in a toy soldier costume kicking people in the jimmies for an hour.
December 1, 2023 at 1:01 AM
I'm disappointed in our local theater productions. I went to see the "Nutcracker" last night and it was just a guy in a toy soldier costume kicking people in the jimmies for an hour.
For some reason, my body relative positions turned into cardinal directions today and I'm kind of south in the mouth about it. Maybe tomorrow things will be looking north for me and I'll be under the moon about it.
Oh yeah, my polar orientation flipped, too, but I should get under that in no time.
Oh yeah, my polar orientation flipped, too, but I should get under that in no time.
November 1, 2023 at 12:32 AM
For some reason, my body relative positions turned into cardinal directions today and I'm kind of south in the mouth about it. Maybe tomorrow things will be looking north for me and I'll be under the moon about it.
Oh yeah, my polar orientation flipped, too, but I should get under that in no time.
Oh yeah, my polar orientation flipped, too, but I should get under that in no time.
It's been a long time since I've done this, but if you're up there, please 🙏 see us through these crazy, dark, desperate times.
Thank you Superman
Thank you Superman
November 1, 2023 at 12:18 AM
It's been a long time since I've done this, but if you're up there, please 🙏 see us through these crazy, dark, desperate times.
Thank you Superman
Thank you Superman
I've traveled the world and discovered there aren't too many things I don't want to shove down my pants.
October 3, 2023 at 2:03 AM
I've traveled the world and discovered there aren't too many things I don't want to shove down my pants.
Life is like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
October 3, 2023 at 2:00 AM
Life is like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
Each of my multiple personalities lives a double life....Im so freaking tired.
October 3, 2023 at 1:59 AM
Each of my multiple personalities lives a double life....Im so freaking tired.
Through exhaustive research, scientists have discovered that when porcupines mate, it hurts like a sumbitch.
October 3, 2023 at 1:59 AM
Through exhaustive research, scientists have discovered that when porcupines mate, it hurts like a sumbitch.
Through exhaustive research, scientists have discovered the best way to quit smoking cigarettes is to have your lips removed.
October 3, 2023 at 1:59 AM
Through exhaustive research, scientists have discovered the best way to quit smoking cigarettes is to have your lips removed.
The International Committee for Weights and Measures says that a "tad" is now officially the amount of product in a Taco Bell hot sauce packet.
October 3, 2023 at 1:58 AM
The International Committee for Weights and Measures says that a "tad" is now officially the amount of product in a Taco Bell hot sauce packet.
Through exhaustive research, scientists have discovered that early humans had no discernible taint.
October 3, 2023 at 1:57 AM
Through exhaustive research, scientists have discovered that early humans had no discernible taint.
I'm a little sad today. I discovered that when I pull my tongue way out then let it go, it doesn't roll up real fast like a window shade.
October 3, 2023 at 1:56 AM
I'm a little sad today. I discovered that when I pull my tongue way out then let it go, it doesn't roll up real fast like a window shade.
I'm not superstitious. It's bad luck.
October 3, 2023 at 1:56 AM
I'm not superstitious. It's bad luck.