You know in Cinderella there's that mouse minding his business and then some fairy godmother waves a wand is like "you're a fucking horse now. Get to work." And now he's a horse and he's gotta pull the carriage and shit with zero horse training?

Retail is exactly that bippity boppity bullshit.

CHRISTMAS LIFE HACK!
SAVE MONEY ON GIFTS!
YOUR FRIENDS HATE IT!*

*the hack is destroying all your friendships.