Guys I’m one of the least outdoorsy people I know and even my indoor plumbing and electricity loving ass can see how cutting all this national parks staff is awful.

I detest you if you voted for or quietly supported this regime.

Sometimes I'm an Elmo in a room full of Rocco's.

The worst part of D&D is the fact that I can't just do it 24/7 and be happy.

Wife is out of town with her mom. Kids at a sleepover with my niece.

You know what that means

Someone's messing with the new guy again... I've never been calmer.

Wore an all white hoodie to dinner and didn't get any stains on it.

Am I god?

People keep telling me to cut my hair lately.

Fuck do I hate Christmas.

For anyone that doesn't know, I'm actively in a war with the sun.

Been on a winning streak lately, as you can probably tell.

Well, well, well... look what the cat distribution system dragged in..