Overheard: “I thought this TV do something fun. This TV don’t do nothin fun. Where is that Popeyes anyway? Is it close by here? Girl is that yo baby? He’s got your whole face! Who must be yo daddy? Love that chicken from Popeyes! I ain’t going nowhere. Where them keys at? I’m just sayin a 5-piece” 🎶

@jhspedals.bsky.social hear me out?

THE GLASTONBURY: You know that thing when you
play 7 nation army and the crowd sings along with the riff? At festivals the people sing the instrumentals, too. It simulates a crowd singing along with your guitar.

Knobs: CROWD, HI PART (Ladies), LO PART (Men), MIX

My buddy has a pretty unique name, but all his socials are weird name variations with his middle initial or last name first. Weird. Turns out he has his actual “firstlast” handle for most of them, but his kids like to change his passwords and lock him out of stuff. I’m going to steal his #bluesky…

#Donuts and #Psychology

Benjamin Franklin Effect: Jeff buys me a donut, and now he likes me more.

Self-Serving Bias: My dozen donuts? A cheat day. Jeff’s? A poor lifestyle choice.

Fundamental Attribution Error: If I like Jeff, genetics made him chubby. If I don’t, it’s all those donuts. [1/4]

Laser, you’re a dog
Make a big bark
Chasing sticks outside
Gonna catch that dang squirrel one day
You got a fuzzy snout
Out, about
Kickin those cats all off of the couch, howling…

We will, we will, walk you!
We will, we will, walk you!

A well-trained classical pianist should be able to consistently type very well...but a jazz pianist: M@ybe t#ey shdoul b albe to tpye wht@ever teh hcek t3y wnat 2...y’know, as long as it swings? 🎶

…An Album Cover — T-Shirt by Me — This shirt is my love letter to the greatest show of all time.
$13.49 incl. shipping
link: amazon.com/dp/B0DWY2BSTS/
@saturdaynightlive.bsky.social
@willferrell.bsky.social
#snl #snl50 #celebrityjeopardy @thejeopardyfan.com

“Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party”
— @saturdaynightlive.bsky.social
I swapped Cecily and Seth with pictures of my valentine and me!

Today I learned my favorite Sunday school song goes:

“Hide it under a bushel? No! I’m gonna let it shine…”

And not:

“Hide it under a bush? HELL NO! I’m gonna let it shine.”

I’d like to apologize to all the concerned vacation bible school volunteers for swearing in church for the last 45 years.

2023, Super 8 Motel, Abilene TX

C: Why would someone steal the door sign off room number four hundred and twenty?

Me: That’s how much baby elephants weigh.

🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘

2025, Our house

C: Dad…baby elephants don’t weigh 420 pounds.

Drank a vodka margarita last night at Chili’s. #thanksdonald

Eddie Vedder vs. Eddie Bauer

TEN vs. TEN(T)

Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town vs.
Middle-Aged Woman Behind The Counter In A Suburb

He’s actually from California
They’re actually based in Seattle

Corduroy—Live on Two Legs vs.
Corduroys—Worn on Two Legs

@pearljamonline.bsky.social

"AAA Batteries Delivered and Installed..." — My Amazon Fire TV remote is super excited about this truck. @firetv.bsky.social #aaa

An original song about #craigmelvin and @savannahguthrie.bsky.social because I love #today on @nbcnews.com

The first five minutes with Craig and Savannah
My coffee for TODAY on the couch with Johanna
Gonna grab my guitar maybe play the piano
While I knows if it snows in Gary, Indiana…yeah!

Hello again!

@richwilliams.bsky.social Hello!