when you realize all these guys look the same.

currently suffering the slings and arrows of being too cute by half

feeling kind of crippled and overwhelmed by the extreme desire to do and create so many things against the crushing reality of limited time, energy, and inability to be in multiple places all at once

someone else has finally woken up

did it not occur to her that there's a perfectly good bucket outside the speaker's office she could use the bathroom in

oh you’re a barista playing wire at the coffee shop, how original you must be a real music fan with superior taste i’m shaking in my boots.

why am i covered in sweat from walking 5 blocks in the middle of November? will it ever be cold enough for me to wear real clothes without melting?

think of all the toilet paper we’d save if we replaced the fluoride in the water with imodium

i hope joe biden is sleeping with one eye open because technically kamala still has 61 days to become president if you know what i mean 👀 🫣

i’m bartending a non-binary sex party and keep getting orders for long island ice teas and martinis with both an olive AND a twist - these people are the real deal.

oh good i’m glad the gooners found their way to bluesky as well - nothing compliments millennial histrionics quite like furious masturbation videos.

someone wants me to write jokes with them. when should i tell them i don’t actually know how to do that.