Missing Hollywood Star Found After Three Days Missing, Now In 18th Century Ballgown And Speaking Overly Verbosely. "This Outfit Is Not Indicative Of My Date With My Prince, But Rather For A New Acting Gig! Princesses Like Me Never Lie!" According To Interview To The Spiral.

North Dakota National Park Reports Sightings Of "Hypnomaster68". Tourists Advised To Point And Laugh.

Minnesottan Woman Caught Thieving "Cursed" Mask And Forcing It On People's Faces To Enslave Them. "Oh I wasn't Hypnotised Or Anything, She's Just So Eager I Didn't Wanna Hurt Her By Telling The Truth" Her Wife States

Massachusetts’ Newest Hypno-Villain Just Shoving Spirals In People’s Faces With No Actual Induction, Still Manages Several Successful Robberies.

Tellers Investigated For Potential Hypnosis Kinks.

Source: @roboticnova.bsky.social

New Executive Order Under The Trump Administration's "Pride Of America" Act Replaces Any Hypnotic Imagery With American Flags and Any Hypnotic Audio With The Patriotic Kazoo Group's Cover Of "Star-Spangled Banner"

Mysterious Phanto Mask Manufacturer's Stocks Plummet As Halloween Passes And Alleged Mind Altering Effects End.

One insider Said "Yeah The Suits Were Really Banking On That Pagan Magic In Each One Working But The Censors Never Cleared The Activation Commercial To air And Make The Spell Last Longer"

Northern English Hypnotist Frustrated Nobody Can Follow His Inductions Due To Percieved Language Barrier

UK OFCOM Regulation Board Bans Airings Of The Jungle Book On TV After Concerns Raised That Kaa The Snake Could Be Used To Hypnotise The Public Into Attempting Coitus With Snakes

Local Superhero Accused of Deliberately Inhaling Ominous Pink Gas While Letting Known Chemist Crimelord Escape.

Police Inquiry States "No foul play".

Unrelated Story: PharmaCorp Has Recently Given $300k To Chicago PD In Charity Fair

Local Casinogoer Bets Mind on Roulette, Wins $550k: "Honestly, I'm a Little Dissapointed"

Source: @mindlessmessy.bsky.social

Further Enquiry With Casino Stated "Why Would We Allow Such Bets With Incorporeal Items? Our Bunnygirl Waitresses Are All Here Willingly!"

New Study Shows One In Every Three Employees at NotEvilHypno Inc. Could Be Linked To Massive Surge In Bank Robberies.

"I Don't Remember Doing that? Did You Ask The CEO?" One Employee Stated.

Our Interviewer Has No Recollection Of the Meeting, And Asked Us To Not Air This Story.

Local Confessional Booth Under Investigation Following Claims Of Brainwashed Staff

Mascot Quoted As Saying "Honestly, What Were You Expecting?"

Source: @hypnoconfessions.bsky.social

After 7 Years Of Rehabilitation, Local Town's Bleeding Heart Hypnosub Finally asked Her First Hypnotist To Hypnotise Her Directly

1.4 Million Americans Affected By Rogue Uncensored Spiral Sienfeld Episode. John Kramer Is Now Known As "The Sissyfier"

Russian Numbers Station Broadcast Hijacked By "Well Meaning" 54 Year Old Creepy Guy Who Thinks It Would Help Him Hypnotise Women Into Being His Sex Slaves.

OOC: For those who have not read the Bio of this page, this account is NOT run by The Onion. It's instead ran by @hornydollywess.bsky.social

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Iowans Not Actually That Bothered By The Local Brainwashing Supervillain. One Local States "If She's So Out Of Creativity That She Calls Herself Hypnotica, I Think We'll Be Alright"