Damn the environment. Pantyhose should be sold in plastic eggs.

Daughter: So you’re a top lesbian?
Me: What other kind would I be?
Wife: Did you just call your father a hot lesbian?
Daughter: Top lesbian.
Wife: Okay.

Ever use the hand soap and it shoots at you like a gigantic ejaculation and you are like “woah fella!” But then you put your face in front of the soap and it’s like, “You gotta give me a few minutes.” Only to realize the soap is a homeless man who got in your car while you were charging in Lowell?

Something to remember about not buying anything is that you also need to not use any services which make money from you using them. That includes every website or app with advertisements in it.

Come on Apple Intelligence. You can handle something every six year old boy has drawn.

What’s the number one cause of zombie urgent care visits?

Spraiiiiiinnnnnnnssss

@allisondeutsch.bsky.social I would like to learn about the life of a realtor. Please post.

I’m at a certain age when I can look back on myself being an adult but I’m not yet a senior. I’ve decided that I am a seniorlescent.

@gngantt.bsky.social BUTTERFLY SOCIAL

In keeping with joining Red Note I have decided to start eating cancer in response to the Red Dye ban.

Thank you.

My wife just pointed out that all of us joining Red Note is how we enter the Firefly timeline.

My #tesla self drove itself off a cliff when I joined this app.

I have had this in my photos for a while now but can’t come up with the joke to go with it. Any ideas?

Which terrible corporation/person/government owns this app?

#askingforafriend

Any venue can be an axe throwing place if you bring an axe.