Doug Bayne
@rattleplank.bsky.social
Just letting you know that in an actual street fight, paper does not beat rock.
Rain is when a cloud just gives up.
January 23, 2026 at 3:15 AM
Rain is when a cloud just gives up.
Fantasizing about sex with a celebrity?
Remember to imagine the disgust on their face.
Remember to imagine the disgust on their face.
January 21, 2026 at 12:02 PM
Fantasizing about sex with a celebrity?
Remember to imagine the disgust on their face.
Remember to imagine the disgust on their face.
Alzheimer's is named after Alois Alzheimer, the German psychiatrist who described the condition in 1901.
But you probably knew that.
At some point.
But you probably knew that.
At some point.
January 18, 2026 at 3:27 AM
Alzheimer's is named after Alois Alzheimer, the German psychiatrist who described the condition in 1901.
But you probably knew that.
At some point.
But you probably knew that.
At some point.
I’m time-poor but only because I’ve time-bankrupt myself.
January 15, 2026 at 9:28 PM
I’m time-poor but only because I’ve time-bankrupt myself.
I’m not an anti-vaxxer but I am a little bit pro-virus.
Call me old-fashioned but I think kids look cute in leg braces.
Call me old-fashioned but I think kids look cute in leg braces.
January 15, 2026 at 12:51 AM
I’m not an anti-vaxxer but I am a little bit pro-virus.
Call me old-fashioned but I think kids look cute in leg braces.
Call me old-fashioned but I think kids look cute in leg braces.
He died surrounded by loved ones,
assuming he loved wolves.
assuming he loved wolves.
January 14, 2026 at 12:42 AM
He died surrounded by loved ones,
assuming he loved wolves.
assuming he loved wolves.
No time to stop and smell the flowers?
For a small fee I can shoot flowers at your nose as you hurtle past.
For a small fee I can shoot flowers at your nose as you hurtle past.
January 13, 2026 at 4:34 AM
No time to stop and smell the flowers?
For a small fee I can shoot flowers at your nose as you hurtle past.
For a small fee I can shoot flowers at your nose as you hurtle past.
They’ve got vegetarian freeways now, where if you hit an animal it doesn’t die, it just starts writing a fringe show about the trauma.
January 11, 2026 at 11:35 PM
They’ve got vegetarian freeways now, where if you hit an animal it doesn’t die, it just starts writing a fringe show about the trauma.
I worry that if I’m not telling lies on the internet, somebody worse could be.
January 10, 2026 at 9:39 PM
I worry that if I’m not telling lies on the internet, somebody worse could be.
Sleeping beauty pricks her finger at 16, sleeps 100 years, gets woken by a prince.
That’s a big age gap.
That’s a big age gap.
January 9, 2026 at 11:18 PM
Sleeping beauty pricks her finger at 16, sleeps 100 years, gets woken by a prince.
That’s a big age gap.
That’s a big age gap.
Red Cross consider rebrand to Green Tick
January 7, 2026 at 8:35 PM
Red Cross consider rebrand to Green Tick
Reading an avant-garde novel written using only the space bar. It’s called ‘sketchbook’
January 6, 2026 at 9:20 PM
Reading an avant-garde novel written using only the space bar. It’s called ‘sketchbook’
Humans make trouble when we're bored.
If only there were a constant string of terrifying emergencies.
If only there were a constant string of terrifying emergencies.
January 5, 2026 at 11:10 PM
Humans make trouble when we're bored.
If only there were a constant string of terrifying emergencies.
If only there were a constant string of terrifying emergencies.
I don’t want sweet and sour chicken.
Just bring me the sour chicken.
It had less to live for.
Just bring me the sour chicken.
It had less to live for.
January 4, 2026 at 8:55 PM
I don’t want sweet and sour chicken.
Just bring me the sour chicken.
It had less to live for.
Just bring me the sour chicken.
It had less to live for.
Trust your feelings.
Except hungry, sleepy, horny and bored.
Those are legitimate feelings but need supervision.
Except hungry, sleepy, horny and bored.
Those are legitimate feelings but need supervision.
January 2, 2026 at 11:56 PM
Trust your feelings.
Except hungry, sleepy, horny and bored.
Those are legitimate feelings but need supervision.
Except hungry, sleepy, horny and bored.
Those are legitimate feelings but need supervision.
Fiveeeee
Fourrrr
Threee
Twoo
One
Zer
Fourrrr
Threee
Twoo
One
Zer
January 1, 2026 at 10:48 PM
Fiveeeee
Fourrrr
Threee
Twoo
One
Zer
Fourrrr
Threee
Twoo
One
Zer
And God knew they had eaten the forbidden fruit,
for they were so high they were talking to a snake.
for they were so high they were talking to a snake.
January 1, 2026 at 12:46 PM
And God knew they had eaten the forbidden fruit,
for they were so high they were talking to a snake.
for they were so high they were talking to a snake.
My leg’s asleep but I don’t want to wake it because it’s having adorable leg dreams.
December 30, 2025 at 10:47 PM
My leg’s asleep but I don’t want to wake it because it’s having adorable leg dreams.
I meant to get some work done today but then I found a website that lets you make product mockups.
December 30, 2025 at 5:19 AM
I meant to get some work done today but then I found a website that lets you make product mockups.
the tasty treat that respects your privacy
December 30, 2025 at 1:32 AM
the tasty treat that respects your privacy
searched "free book mockup" and now think I'm a publisher.
December 29, 2025 at 11:57 PM
searched "free book mockup" and now think I'm a publisher.
Crab isn't walking sideways, it's strafing.
December 29, 2025 at 12:46 PM
Crab isn't walking sideways, it's strafing.
Next Christmas, Scrooge was visited by three vampires.
December 28, 2025 at 3:47 AM
Next Christmas, Scrooge was visited by three vampires.
People who cut wool off sheep shouldn’t be called shearers.
If it was ‘barber’ then sheep could say it.
If it was ‘barber’ then sheep could say it.
December 27, 2025 at 10:44 AM
People who cut wool off sheep shouldn’t be called shearers.
If it was ‘barber’ then sheep could say it.
If it was ‘barber’ then sheep could say it.