Leaving a plate of potent and freshly baked infused cookies upon the stove and not informing any of my roommates of their edible status as a lesson in greed… he who takes will be couch locked and forced to watch zoolander on vhs

At my customer service job, free bleeding in a thong, pants falling down while Kendrick Lamar plays full volume out of 1 (one!) earbud which is falling out and some old bag is yelling at me abt coupons. Idgaf anymore

Do you like my daughter?

Carefully planning my next little freak project with a precision which rivals that of a fairy counting salt

Tw: sexual assault, r*pe, drinking.
At SGDQ 2024, Matthew, “Monkeyyman” raped me. docs.google.com/document/d/1...

Trying to explain planet of the apes to me is like trying to explain freak shit to Freud ❤️

i know a pack of Newports HATES to see me comin..

There is almost zero crossover between stoners and Planet of the Apes fans and that fact absolutely sickens me.

I’ve been doing this new thing where I wake up, hit my bong, and immediately throw up from coughing too hard 💕

I want to be a dog but instead I am pathetic and gay so I have to listen to linger by the cranberries to get out of bed in the morning.

“I’m playing chess, you’re playing checkers” noo, I’m playing purble place, have fun with ur nerd shit tho

Gf just said its time to take my meds, I am NOT doing that shit

Everyone wants to be a cute little puppy until I put my finger in your mouth every time you yawn. Now you’re scared all of a sudden?

Zero game but I can come over and look at you like a trapped animal if ur into that sorta thing

My mom said we can get too high and a little scared if it’s ok with ur mom <3 #weedsmorkinggirlfriends