Emma
@queerophelia.bsky.social
a phantom to lead you in the summer
queer poet
she/they
queer poet
she/they
So… new shrink was VERY EUPD/BPD heavy, and wants me off most of my meds. This appointment concluded with stopping Abilify and Buspar - with a counteracting increase in propranolol.
I left anxious about the future. Certain meds have literally saved me from hospitalisation.
And I felt sick.
I left anxious about the future. Certain meds have literally saved me from hospitalisation.
And I felt sick.
December 4, 2025 at 8:04 PM
So… new shrink was VERY EUPD/BPD heavy, and wants me off most of my meds. This appointment concluded with stopping Abilify and Buspar - with a counteracting increase in propranolol.
I left anxious about the future. Certain meds have literally saved me from hospitalisation.
And I felt sick.
I left anxious about the future. Certain meds have literally saved me from hospitalisation.
And I felt sick.
Staff OD’d me on my sleeping pills Monday night and I slept great. Since then… it’s been shit!
November 26, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Staff OD’d me on my sleeping pills Monday night and I slept great. Since then… it’s been shit!
talking to the Voices in your head is less interesting now that they don’t want to engage in the conversation, and just make white noise that gives you a migraine.
(Yes, yes, it’s also less Crazy. But hush now!) 😜
(Yes, yes, it’s also less Crazy. But hush now!) 😜
November 20, 2025 at 8:19 PM
talking to the Voices in your head is less interesting now that they don’t want to engage in the conversation, and just make white noise that gives you a migraine.
(Yes, yes, it’s also less Crazy. But hush now!) 😜
(Yes, yes, it’s also less Crazy. But hush now!) 😜
delusional parasitosis usually shows up before some sort of mental health crisis, so I can’t pretend I’m not worried right now.
November 17, 2025 at 11:07 PM
delusional parasitosis usually shows up before some sort of mental health crisis, so I can’t pretend I’m not worried right now.
I have had a nice weekend, but I also drank and have felt The Grief so bad. Sat in my hotel room incredibly lonely and sad right now.
November 16, 2025 at 6:34 PM
I have had a nice weekend, but I also drank and have felt The Grief so bad. Sat in my hotel room incredibly lonely and sad right now.
in a really, really, really bad place mentally, and I have con at the weekend and it’s too late to cancel my hotel so I’ll have lost £500 if I don’t go…
November 9, 2025 at 2:22 AM
in a really, really, really bad place mentally, and I have con at the weekend and it’s too late to cancel my hotel so I’ll have lost £500 if I don’t go…
Mirtazapine 45mg started. Hoping for quick results and no side effects! Although having TRD results are… scarily uncertain!
November 1, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Mirtazapine 45mg started. Hoping for quick results and no side effects! Although having TRD results are… scarily uncertain!
got psoriasis on my ear. itchy and depressed. it’s certainly a mood.
October 29, 2025 at 10:31 PM
got psoriasis on my ear. itchy and depressed. it’s certainly a mood.
GP contacted re: escalating depression.
Burns cleaned and dressings applied.
Pills handed over for “safety.”
Mental Health Monday.
Burns cleaned and dressings applied.
Pills handed over for “safety.”
Mental Health Monday.
October 27, 2025 at 1:39 PM
GP contacted re: escalating depression.
Burns cleaned and dressings applied.
Pills handed over for “safety.”
Mental Health Monday.
Burns cleaned and dressings applied.
Pills handed over for “safety.”
Mental Health Monday.
Therapy was tough but exactly what I needed to get some shit I’ve been carrying for too long off my chest. I feel so much lighter. Haven’t SI’d or drank today. Progress.
October 22, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Therapy was tough but exactly what I needed to get some shit I’ve been carrying for too long off my chest. I feel so much lighter. Haven’t SI’d or drank today. Progress.
You know things are Bad when you debate calling the “crisis team”
October 20, 2025 at 7:28 PM
You know things are Bad when you debate calling the “crisis team”
Depression escalated into self injury (burning) and I am terrified.
October 20, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Depression escalated into self injury (burning) and I am terrified.
I woke up and thought I was making a mistake, or at least needed more time to think, so I cancelled the appointment.
Starting to accept the fact I’m just gonna have to learn to live with severe depressive episodes that can’t be treated, certainly not by meds anyway.
Starting to accept the fact I’m just gonna have to learn to live with severe depressive episodes that can’t be treated, certainly not by meds anyway.
I have an appointment with a private psychiatrist in Birmingham tomorrow, with a strong emphasis on #TMSTherapy. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake. But #TRD has left me hopeless and desperate for anything that is not another useless pill.
October 19, 2025 at 7:38 PM
I woke up and thought I was making a mistake, or at least needed more time to think, so I cancelled the appointment.
Starting to accept the fact I’m just gonna have to learn to live with severe depressive episodes that can’t be treated, certainly not by meds anyway.
Starting to accept the fact I’m just gonna have to learn to live with severe depressive episodes that can’t be treated, certainly not by meds anyway.
I have an appointment with a private psychiatrist in Birmingham tomorrow, with a strong emphasis on #TMSTherapy. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake. But #TRD has left me hopeless and desperate for anything that is not another useless pill.
October 18, 2025 at 5:58 PM
I have an appointment with a private psychiatrist in Birmingham tomorrow, with a strong emphasis on #TMSTherapy. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake. But #TRD has left me hopeless and desperate for anything that is not another useless pill.
Not enjoying life. Like, really want to fling myself into the sun level of not enjoying life, right now.
October 17, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Not enjoying life. Like, really want to fling myself into the sun level of not enjoying life, right now.
I should contact the GP about the pain in my ovarian cyst that’s suddenly playing up. But I’m too scared…
October 16, 2025 at 2:50 PM
I should contact the GP about the pain in my ovarian cyst that’s suddenly playing up. But I’m too scared…
Court/testifying anniversary/trauma overloaded brain…
…I am in bed at 7pm and hoping the promethazine will kick in and see me through the night.
…I am in bed at 7pm and hoping the promethazine will kick in and see me through the night.
October 9, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Court/testifying anniversary/trauma overloaded brain…
…I am in bed at 7pm and hoping the promethazine will kick in and see me through the night.
…I am in bed at 7pm and hoping the promethazine will kick in and see me through the night.
today I have learnt that by watching a film I adored as a child, that I really DO NOT LIKE being reminded of being a child of around That Age. #CSASurvivor
October 1, 2025 at 5:42 PM
today I have learnt that by watching a film I adored as a child, that I really DO NOT LIKE being reminded of being a child of around That Age. #CSASurvivor
I finally have my physio assessment tomorrow. Nervous!
September 28, 2025 at 1:39 PM
I finally have my physio assessment tomorrow. Nervous!
have really gone off the rails comfort eating these past few days. hate it!
September 26, 2025 at 6:34 PM
have really gone off the rails comfort eating these past few days. hate it!
apparently it’s impulsive to want to up your life, abandon your belongings, and run away to London to live in a house share.
I’m not so sure. sounds completely sane to me…
I’m not so sure. sounds completely sane to me…
September 19, 2025 at 6:49 PM
apparently it’s impulsive to want to up your life, abandon your belongings, and run away to London to live in a house share.
I’m not so sure. sounds completely sane to me…
I’m not so sure. sounds completely sane to me…
UC anxiety is IMMENSE. If I have to look for work, I’ll be suicidal and not because I don’t WANT to work but because I literally, genuinely CANNOT. Fuck this. Fuck everything.
September 13, 2025 at 2:30 PM
UC anxiety is IMMENSE. If I have to look for work, I’ll be suicidal and not because I don’t WANT to work but because I literally, genuinely CANNOT. Fuck this. Fuck everything.
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Finch - Your New Self-Care Best Friend
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September 9, 2025 at 5:32 AM
Can we be friends on Finch? I picked a mystery egg just for you!
Tap this link or use my friend code 5R12HC1H5M for a special reward!
finch.go.link/kSk4s?adj_la...
Tap this link or use my friend code 5R12HC1H5M for a special reward!
finch.go.link/kSk4s?adj_la...
I’m having a really rough fkn time. Three days sober. It’s hard. My MH still isn’t great. Meds are sort of working but I’m still experiencing Voices and insomnia so I guess… not? Cancelled my trip to Australia coz of it. I can’t risk it. I need to focus on recovery.
September 6, 2025 at 9:31 PM
I’m having a really rough fkn time. Three days sober. It’s hard. My MH still isn’t great. Meds are sort of working but I’m still experiencing Voices and insomnia so I guess… not? Cancelled my trip to Australia coz of it. I can’t risk it. I need to focus on recovery.
It’s been really fkn rough. After losing it at my psych appt, I finally got sleep meds and a temporary increase in Haldol until I get the Voices under control. Luckily, they’re starting to work. Thinking clearer. More rational. Less paranoid. It’s crap timing to have A Crisis.
August 31, 2025 at 11:34 AM
It’s been really fkn rough. After losing it at my psych appt, I finally got sleep meds and a temporary increase in Haldol until I get the Voices under control. Luckily, they’re starting to work. Thinking clearer. More rational. Less paranoid. It’s crap timing to have A Crisis.