The way I feel watching trump talk about mamdani is the way I felt when I brought my boyfriend to a work event and an exec who tells me not to talk back said I was doing a good job to him when he shook his hand.

It’s marathon day. You show up to a shithole bar in Bedstuy that’s packed to the brim. There is one hungover bartender hanging on for dear life. You order 4 bloody Mary’s. He says oh this fucking guy. You say wow that’s so rude. The bar laughs at you. You leave. Marathon day is the best day in NY.

Really hot couples should be banned from being Morticia and Gomez

Car just honked and screamed out the windows at me when I had the walk sign so I slowed down to fucked with them and people on the sidewalk cheered and that’s that I <3 NY shit

Saying “ya good babe?” to your dog on the barstool next to you is truly so funny

LITERALLY WERE GPING 31 ON THE JACKIE ROBINSON HELP ME WHERE ARE THE YELLOW CABBIES

Have you ever been in an uber that drove 40 mph on the highway and how do we get compensation for this travesty

Oh god do the kids smoke cigs again?

“Hi I have a reservation for six”
“It’s 7:30” I say under my breath and laugh to myself into my martini at the bar
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DONT HAVE FRIENDS

I moved into a new apartment and the old tenants had COOL WHITE FLUORESCENT bulbs in the whole place and it’s just diabolical.

Just heard Gracie Abrams in a cab for the first time and you’re really trying to tell me that’s not the same person as Taylor swift?

I offered the other half of my table to a couple whose table was clearly about to be consumed by a bigger party. They were so offput. So grossed out. So icked. 10 minutes later guess who’s across from me.

I would like to announce I just shamed someone who was on speakerphone in a public place into hanging up simply by glaring at them meaningfully. Keep it up everyone.

I’m in the LES on a Saturday for the first time in maybe years? I am so uncool guys omg

WHO DID CONANS BLUSH OMG

I see your “is a hotdog a sandwich” and raise you - is a duck a boat?

OBSESSED with this kid at the bar who has one of those privacy phone protectors on for the bar but it’s cause he’s playing chess

Bubsy was the best nes game don’t @ me.

Did you guys know Anthony Edwards was goose? Because he has hair I literally only realized just now.