it's weird seeing people being oneshotted by the linkedinification of their life because it seems that they're enjoying it. is this net good? is this the wired's Human Alignment Project?

it feels like we're trudging along to an inevitable vantaorange vat of human mass, egregore manifest in form

the wired broke through the blood-brain barrier a few years back, and the shoggoth is the wired eating the real. not necessarily a bad thing. i live here but i don't feel as terminally online as people i meet, where their personas extend to their reality. i am but multitudes-

maybe my inclination for self deprecation is a fallout of this—a learned helplessness. but it's a sickness, not a good thing to keep. it keeps running in my background. i try to keep track of it, to learn to know when it happens.

it used to work, but i'm supposed to have outgrown it.

(finally) listened to the gwernkeshcast, and one thing really popped out for me. "this is the most important time to write"— that if you write around this time, you still stand a chance to feed the shoggoth and be part of it. to transcend time and be part of the future.

i was madly in love with this girl from middle school but i didn't want to admit it to myself. kept her close, like a friend, i told myself. a transcendent platonic friend.

the want crept in, permeating every relationship i'm in. i wanted to prove that i could be happier without her.