Leanne Yau
@polyphiliablog.bsky.social
polyamory educator and sex therapist in training, posting about queerness, sex-positivity, and radical relationships
In the Heated Rivalry finale, a scene between Shane and his mum made me loudly sob into my partner’s arms for a good 5 minutes afterwards. Like Shane, I am an autistic queer Asian, and it brought up so much grief around my coming out to family and how I wish it had gone. I love this show so much ❤️🏳️🌈
December 26, 2025 at 9:15 PM
In the Heated Rivalry finale, a scene between Shane and his mum made me loudly sob into my partner’s arms for a good 5 minutes afterwards. Like Shane, I am an autistic queer Asian, and it brought up so much grief around my coming out to family and how I wish it had gone. I love this show so much ❤️🏳️🌈
If we can agree that it's problematic to demand a new partner date an existing one and you'll break up if it doesn't work out because you want to be in a throuple and can't handle dating separately, then it follows that it's also problematic to demand they be friends because you want kitchen table.
December 15, 2025 at 7:53 PM
If we can agree that it's problematic to demand a new partner date an existing one and you'll break up if it doesn't work out because you want to be in a throuple and can't handle dating separately, then it follows that it's also problematic to demand they be friends because you want kitchen table.
Your feelings of jealousy don't have to mean your partner needs to immediately stop what they are doing.
Your insecurity about a metamour doesn't have to mean they're a terrible person you need to cut out of your life.
Your insecurity about a metamour doesn't have to mean they're a terrible person you need to cut out of your life.
December 4, 2025 at 5:57 PM
Your feelings of jealousy don't have to mean your partner needs to immediately stop what they are doing.
Your insecurity about a metamour doesn't have to mean they're a terrible person you need to cut out of your life.
Your insecurity about a metamour doesn't have to mean they're a terrible person you need to cut out of your life.
Gift ideas for polyamorous people:
- harness or rope (for sex or rock climbing)
- a book about relationship psychology
- a diary for their schedule
- a medieval outfit for their next renfaire/sex party
- a bag for overnight dates
- D&D dice
- anything with an infinity heart on it
- harness or rope (for sex or rock climbing)
- a book about relationship psychology
- a diary for their schedule
- a medieval outfit for their next renfaire/sex party
- a bag for overnight dates
- D&D dice
- anything with an infinity heart on it
December 2, 2025 at 11:16 AM
Gift ideas for polyamorous people:
- harness or rope (for sex or rock climbing)
- a book about relationship psychology
- a diary for their schedule
- a medieval outfit for their next renfaire/sex party
- a bag for overnight dates
- D&D dice
- anything with an infinity heart on it
- harness or rope (for sex or rock climbing)
- a book about relationship psychology
- a diary for their schedule
- a medieval outfit for their next renfaire/sex party
- a bag for overnight dates
- D&D dice
- anything with an infinity heart on it
Polyamory doesn’t mean you have to be okay with everything, nor does it mean you have to ‘work on’ being okay with everything. Being flexible can be a good thing, but that doesn’t mean your boundaries and limits are ‘wrong’ or don’t matter.
November 30, 2025 at 2:19 PM
Polyamory doesn’t mean you have to be okay with everything, nor does it mean you have to ‘work on’ being okay with everything. Being flexible can be a good thing, but that doesn’t mean your boundaries and limits are ‘wrong’ or don’t matter.
I love being a polyamorous bisexual dating other polyamorous bisexuals. That is all.
November 28, 2025 at 11:36 AM
I love being a polyamorous bisexual dating other polyamorous bisexuals. That is all.
never beating the slutty polyamorous bisexual allegations and you know what? i'm okay with that.
November 27, 2025 at 4:10 PM
never beating the slutty polyamorous bisexual allegations and you know what? i'm okay with that.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but polyamory doesn't mean you have to settle for less time/energy/commitment. Your partner having other partners isn't a reason to sacrifice what you need to feel loved/valued. You deserve to have your needs met by people who are willing and able to meet them ❤️
November 27, 2025 at 3:25 PM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but polyamory doesn't mean you have to settle for less time/energy/commitment. Your partner having other partners isn't a reason to sacrifice what you need to feel loved/valued. You deserve to have your needs met by people who are willing and able to meet them ❤️
Friendship isn’t a consolation prize to be offered out of politeness or guilt at the end of a romantic relationship. It’s a whole different type of connection, and going from lovers to friends only works if all parties are committed to the transition and taking responsibility for their feelings.
November 9, 2025 at 9:47 PM
Friendship isn’t a consolation prize to be offered out of politeness or guilt at the end of a romantic relationship. It’s a whole different type of connection, and going from lovers to friends only works if all parties are committed to the transition and taking responsibility for their feelings.
I'm doing a giveaway for new joiners to my Patreon! Join a paid tier before November 30th, and be in with a chance to win a copy of Lola Phoenix's new book, 'Supporting Someone Polyamorous'! www.patreon.com/posts/win-fr...
Win A Free Polyamory Book! | Leanne Yau
Get more from Leanne Yau on Patreon
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October 25, 2025 at 9:32 AM
I'm doing a giveaway for new joiners to my Patreon! Join a paid tier before November 30th, and be in with a chance to win a copy of Lola Phoenix's new book, 'Supporting Someone Polyamorous'! www.patreon.com/posts/win-fr...
Psst - anything can be platonic if you want it to be. The boundaries of what is sexual/romantic/platonic are a LOT more blurred than we have been taught they are. Free yourself from amatonormativity and mononormativity!
October 17, 2025 at 11:10 PM
Psst - anything can be platonic if you want it to be. The boundaries of what is sexual/romantic/platonic are a LOT more blurred than we have been taught they are. Free yourself from amatonormativity and mononormativity!
Being “good at polyamory” is not about never feeling insecure/jealous or never making a mistake. It’s about communicating with your partners, being vulnerable, working through feelings, taking accountability, and learning from your experiences.
October 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Being “good at polyamory” is not about never feeling insecure/jealous or never making a mistake. It’s about communicating with your partners, being vulnerable, working through feelings, taking accountability, and learning from your experiences.
Let's talk about feeling NEEDED vs feeling WANTED in polyamory, and how being wanted, as opposed to just needed, by your partner creates more security in the relationship.
October 14, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Let's talk about feeling NEEDED vs feeling WANTED in polyamory, and how being wanted, as opposed to just needed, by your partner creates more security in the relationship.
I'm polyamorous so that my polycule can dress up as the entire cast of 'The Mummy' for Halloween.
October 13, 2025 at 6:35 PM
I'm polyamorous so that my polycule can dress up as the entire cast of 'The Mummy' for Halloween.
Not all couple privilege needs to be (or can be!) dismantled, because we live in a mononormative society where monogamy is presented as the "correct", "ethical", or expected way to participate in intimate partnership.
October 13, 2025 at 11:06 AM
Not all couple privilege needs to be (or can be!) dismantled, because we live in a mononormative society where monogamy is presented as the "correct", "ethical", or expected way to participate in intimate partnership.
Your partner is responsible for managing their own feelings of New Relationship Energy, and if they are deprioritising or neglecting you in the process of chasing after someone new, their lack of care and impulse control is not your fault.
September 12, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Your partner is responsible for managing their own feelings of New Relationship Energy, and if they are deprioritising or neglecting you in the process of chasing after someone new, their lack of care and impulse control is not your fault.
I’ve tried kitchen table polyamory. I’ve tried parallel polyamory. I highly recommend letting your connections form organically and letting your partners decide how close they want to be with each other (including not at all!) instead of enforcing a specific polycule dynamic.
September 9, 2025 at 12:14 AM
I’ve tried kitchen table polyamory. I’ve tried parallel polyamory. I highly recommend letting your connections form organically and letting your partners decide how close they want to be with each other (including not at all!) instead of enforcing a specific polycule dynamic.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but your partner experiencing jealousy/insecurity over the things that you're doing is NOT the same as them saying they want you to stop, that they don't love/accept you, that they're trying to attack/hurt/shame you, or that they're "not really polyamorous".
September 5, 2025 at 9:06 AM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but your partner experiencing jealousy/insecurity over the things that you're doing is NOT the same as them saying they want you to stop, that they don't love/accept you, that they're trying to attack/hurt/shame you, or that they're "not really polyamorous".
Are you actually “bad at polyamory”, or are you struggling to be patient with yourself while learning a lifetime of mononormative thinking, and experiencing a normal amount of distress for all the changes that you’re going through at the same time? 🤔
September 4, 2025 at 9:09 PM
Are you actually “bad at polyamory”, or are you struggling to be patient with yourself while learning a lifetime of mononormative thinking, and experiencing a normal amount of distress for all the changes that you’re going through at the same time? 🤔
My top 5 red flags 🚩 in polyamorous relationships… 🧵
September 4, 2025 at 5:45 PM
My top 5 red flags 🚩 in polyamorous relationships… 🧵
If you are a more experienced polyamorous person dating a newbie, your responsibility is to give them the space to figure stuff out and try things at a reasonable pace, instead of imposing your own desires/standards/expectations onto them.
September 4, 2025 at 5:35 PM
If you are a more experienced polyamorous person dating a newbie, your responsibility is to give them the space to figure stuff out and try things at a reasonable pace, instead of imposing your own desires/standards/expectations onto them.
One of the most common questions I get from polyamorous clients is, “Can you be too traumatised for polyamory?”
The short answer: it’s up to you.
The long answer… 🧵
The short answer: it’s up to you.
The long answer… 🧵
August 27, 2025 at 5:18 PM
One of the most common questions I get from polyamorous clients is, “Can you be too traumatised for polyamory?”
The short answer: it’s up to you.
The long answer… 🧵
The short answer: it’s up to you.
The long answer… 🧵
monogamous people: I could never do polyamory because I don’t want to deal with jealousy… anyway, the other day my partner said “sorry, I have a partner” instead of “no, I have a partner” to someone who tried to ask them out, and I got insecure because that’s MICROCHEATING
August 26, 2025 at 12:54 AM
monogamous people: I could never do polyamory because I don’t want to deal with jealousy… anyway, the other day my partner said “sorry, I have a partner” instead of “no, I have a partner” to someone who tried to ask them out, and I got insecure because that’s MICROCHEATING
A follower asked me recently, "Under what circumstances would you tell someone that non-monogamy just isn't for them?"
My answer: I would never tell someone directly that non-monogamy isn't for them, unless they were already considering it themselves.
Let me explain why 🧵
My answer: I would never tell someone directly that non-monogamy isn't for them, unless they were already considering it themselves.
Let me explain why 🧵
August 25, 2025 at 2:26 PM
A follower asked me recently, "Under what circumstances would you tell someone that non-monogamy just isn't for them?"
My answer: I would never tell someone directly that non-monogamy isn't for them, unless they were already considering it themselves.
Let me explain why 🧵
My answer: I would never tell someone directly that non-monogamy isn't for them, unless they were already considering it themselves.
Let me explain why 🧵