“Excuse me,” I say to my friends. I exit the restaurant and climb a steep road up to a wooded mountain. It takes hours. From there, I trek up to the highest peak, where no one can hear me, and scream:

“ASTROLOGY ISN’T REAL!”

Every month it’s like “Do I want Botox or groceries?” and I always choose groceries and I for one am sick of it

I am so, so, so sick of people talking to me about astrology. I’m about to make and wear a shirt that says “stop speaking star lies at me”

Time flies when you’re deeply confused about a simple task

Shoutout to my local Walgreens teens for making life worth living

I am so goddamn stressed out

I love living in LA, seriously, but apartment hunting here is a grind

“Have a cup of tea, pop some deodorant on and stop thinking”

Some real ass advice for 2024 courtesy of Such Brave Girls on Hulu

SNL is the bloated rotting corpse of American comedy

Jamie Lee Curtis is a phenomenal actress

Willy’s Wonderland is soooooo much better than the Five Nights at Freddy’s movie like damn

WHEN WILL PEOPLE STOP COVERING “FAST CAR”

DEAR GOD, PLEASE STOP, THE WORLD IS ALREADY DEPRESSING ENOUGH AS IT IS

Hot take Queen Latifah should have let that dude jump in Last Holiday

Britney Spears is an important part of any balanced workout routine

Love showing up to my friends’ Christmas party just to listen to them bitch about how hard it is to live in LA. So glad I allocated time out of my life to listen to you shit on my dream.