Ordinary Star Wars
@ordinarystarwars.bsky.social
Tales from the Star Wars universe, as told by those observing the action from the afar
#starwars #parody #originaltrilogy
#starwars #parody #originaltrilogy
It's very galling that Lord Vader calls every officer "commander", no matter their rank. I worked hard to become a moff!
December 1, 2025 at 7:45 PM
It's very galling that Lord Vader calls every officer "commander", no matter their rank. I worked hard to become a moff!
I was just transferred to the prison block above the trash compactors. I miss my old cell above the Death Star's bakery
November 25, 2025 at 3:36 PM
I was just transferred to the prison block above the trash compactors. I miss my old cell above the Death Star's bakery
I don't understand why we can't just shoot all the escape pods, lifeforms or no. Aren't lasers cheap?
November 18, 2025 at 1:45 AM
I don't understand why we can't just shoot all the escape pods, lifeforms or no. Aren't lasers cheap?
Just got assigned to the Tantive IV. It just has to be better, after what happened on the Tantive III
November 15, 2025 at 12:28 AM
Just got assigned to the Tantive IV. It just has to be better, after what happened on the Tantive III
Spent a fortune on a Cloud City condo, and the Empire takes over (during my housewarming party, no less). Guess I drink until they get here!
November 9, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Spent a fortune on a Cloud City condo, and the Empire takes over (during my housewarming party, no less). Guess I drink until they get here!
Oh shit! Wormie and I just hit a Krayt Dragon with the speeder in the Dune Sea. We just left it there. No more drinking and driving!
November 8, 2025 at 2:23 AM
Oh shit! Wormie and I just hit a Krayt Dragon with the speeder in the Dune Sea. We just left it there. No more drinking and driving!
So what if I sold my old R5 unit to the Jawas without telling them it had a bad motivator? It's not like it'll change history or anything
November 6, 2025 at 12:46 AM
So what if I sold my old R5 unit to the Jawas without telling them it had a bad motivator? It's not like it'll change history or anything
There was a big stain on my flight suit during the entire Rebel medal ceremony. I guess I didn't pick up my visual scanning
November 3, 2025 at 5:32 AM
There was a big stain on my flight suit during the entire Rebel medal ceremony. I guess I didn't pick up my visual scanning
Anoat: a good system to live in, except for Star Destroyers always dumping their trash everywhere. I'd write to our governor, but he's dead
November 1, 2025 at 5:52 PM
Anoat: a good system to live in, except for Star Destroyers always dumping their trash everywhere. I'd write to our governor, but he's dead
The Death Star plans were not in the main computer -- but there was a whole lot of Twi'lek porn
October 24, 2025 at 7:59 PM
The Death Star plans were not in the main computer -- but there was a whole lot of Twi'lek porn
I've waited long enough for Wormie to come in and pick up these power convertors. Back on the shelf they go --
October 21, 2025 at 8:17 PM
I've waited long enough for Wormie to come in and pick up these power convertors. Back on the shelf they go --
I may be just Death Star IT, but personally I think it's a bad idea to let just any old R2 unit have access to the entire Imperial network
October 19, 2025 at 9:15 PM
I may be just Death Star IT, but personally I think it's a bad idea to let just any old R2 unit have access to the entire Imperial network
Princess Leia used to speak like Alderaan royalty. Ever since she got back from the Death Star, she sounds like Coruscant gutter trash
October 16, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Princess Leia used to speak like Alderaan royalty. Ever since she got back from the Death Star, she sounds like Coruscant gutter trash
I have a new definition of pain and suffering for you -- the drinks served here on Jabba's sail barge
October 16, 2025 at 4:18 AM
I have a new definition of pain and suffering for you -- the drinks served here on Jabba's sail barge
That farm kid came in again today -- no, I still don't have any droids that'll alter time, speed up the harvest, or teleport him off this rock
October 13, 2025 at 4:52 PM
That farm kid came in again today -- no, I still don't have any droids that'll alter time, speed up the harvest, or teleport him off this rock
After he escaped with the Rebels, we tossed Lando's apartment. Never seen so many capes in my life
October 9, 2025 at 12:16 AM
After he escaped with the Rebels, we tossed Lando's apartment. Never seen so many capes in my life
Just found out I'm allergic to Ewoks. So no big celebration in the tree for me tonight :(
October 6, 2025 at 7:10 PM
Just found out I'm allergic to Ewoks. So no big celebration in the tree for me tonight :(
The B-Wing Appreciation Society has voted to join the Alliance. Time to get the old girl off the blocks!
October 4, 2025 at 4:36 AM
The B-Wing Appreciation Society has voted to join the Alliance. Time to get the old girl off the blocks!
It's an imposition, but I want to ask Cmd. Skywalker to Force choke Russell. Just a little bit
October 2, 2025 at 5:30 AM
It's an imposition, but I want to ask Cmd. Skywalker to Force choke Russell. Just a little bit
Curated a banquet for Lord Vader in Cloud City today, but he and his group were all quiet and weird and no one ate anything #imperialchefproblems
September 29, 2025 at 12:27 PM
Curated a banquet for Lord Vader in Cloud City today, but he and his group were all quiet and weird and no one ate anything #imperialchefproblems
So my orders are to make sure this Skywalker guy finds his way to the freezing chamber. Like how? Rebel chow?
September 27, 2025 at 2:16 PM
So my orders are to make sure this Skywalker guy finds his way to the freezing chamber. Like how? Rebel chow?
Some old guy's ghost showed up here at Echo Base asking for Cmd. Skywalker, talking about a Dingo-bat system? Told him to pound snow
September 26, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Some old guy's ghost showed up here at Echo Base asking for Cmd. Skywalker, talking about a Dingo-bat system? Told him to pound snow
Traffic sucks around Sullust. It's like some kind of fleet is massing near here
September 24, 2025 at 1:27 PM
Traffic sucks around Sullust. It's like some kind of fleet is massing near here
So I hear from one of the other moisture farmers about this Death Star thing. I wonder if we can get the Empire to blow up one of our suns
September 23, 2025 at 2:33 AM
So I hear from one of the other moisture farmers about this Death Star thing. I wonder if we can get the Empire to blow up one of our suns
General Madine's broken toe has generated sympathy for the Rebellion in the Senate
September 21, 2025 at 6:24 PM
General Madine's broken toe has generated sympathy for the Rebellion in the Senate