dirt
@oneofdirt.bsky.social
For so long I've had this setup for a joke stuck in my head where people are queueing up for drinks at a party and getting hit in the face because they misunderstood the signage but I can't think of a punchline.
Maybe the sign says like Nazis drink free or something.
Maybe the sign says like Nazis drink free or something.
February 9, 2026 at 5:39 PM
For so long I've had this setup for a joke stuck in my head where people are queueing up for drinks at a party and getting hit in the face because they misunderstood the signage but I can't think of a punchline.
Maybe the sign says like Nazis drink free or something.
Maybe the sign says like Nazis drink free or something.
Who decided we need to grow more teeth after our mouth is full? I know dentists were lobbying for that shit.
February 8, 2026 at 6:15 AM
Who decided we need to grow more teeth after our mouth is full? I know dentists were lobbying for that shit.
You can tell the tooth fairy did not go to business school. There's no way that's sustainable.
February 8, 2026 at 6:13 AM
You can tell the tooth fairy did not go to business school. There's no way that's sustainable.
Benedict Cumberbatch sounds like a pros and cons list for your ex who made that really good salad that you liked.
February 7, 2026 at 8:26 PM
Benedict Cumberbatch sounds like a pros and cons list for your ex who made that really good salad that you liked.
I just put on a standup show for background noise while cooking and the guy started speaking in a British accent and I said "absolutely not" and put Ancient Aliens on.
February 4, 2026 at 2:43 AM
I just put on a standup show for background noise while cooking and the guy started speaking in a British accent and I said "absolutely not" and put Ancient Aliens on.
I hope next time the culture war is about prepositions instead of pronouns because I want to fuck around.
February 4, 2026 at 2:03 AM
I hope next time the culture war is about prepositions instead of pronouns because I want to fuck around.
If God didn't make Adam and Steve, then how do you explain Stone Cold Steve Austin?
February 4, 2026 at 1:56 AM
If God didn't make Adam and Steve, then how do you explain Stone Cold Steve Austin?
I only confess to autistic priests.
Like if my radio is muted and Chris Brown comes on, how many Hail Marys do I need to say? How does volume and time factor in? You just can't trust normies with that kind of math.
Like if my radio is muted and Chris Brown comes on, how many Hail Marys do I need to say? How does volume and time factor in? You just can't trust normies with that kind of math.
February 2, 2026 at 10:34 PM
I only confess to autistic priests.
Like if my radio is muted and Chris Brown comes on, how many Hail Marys do I need to say? How does volume and time factor in? You just can't trust normies with that kind of math.
Like if my radio is muted and Chris Brown comes on, how many Hail Marys do I need to say? How does volume and time factor in? You just can't trust normies with that kind of math.
Music is so vulgar these days. I heard a man say "I cum from the land down under" while I was looking at produce WITH MY FAMILY
February 2, 2026 at 10:05 PM
Music is so vulgar these days. I heard a man say "I cum from the land down under" while I was looking at produce WITH MY FAMILY
DO NOT HOOK UP WITH BEARS
They will wake your ass up in the middle of winter JUST to give birth.
They will wake your ass up in the middle of winter JUST to give birth.
February 2, 2026 at 1:59 AM
DO NOT HOOK UP WITH BEARS
They will wake your ass up in the middle of winter JUST to give birth.
They will wake your ass up in the middle of winter JUST to give birth.
If you for some reason ever find yourself in a situation where you need one word that provokes the widest range of human emotions across a random sample, I suggest "squirt".
January 30, 2026 at 5:18 AM
If you for some reason ever find yourself in a situation where you need one word that provokes the widest range of human emotions across a random sample, I suggest "squirt".
I know you're supposed to suspend your disbelief for things like Lord of the Rings, but I'm sorry, Elijah Wood is just not believable as a professional wrestler.
January 28, 2026 at 2:14 AM
I know you're supposed to suspend your disbelief for things like Lord of the Rings, but I'm sorry, Elijah Wood is just not believable as a professional wrestler.
For all intents and purposes, capitalists should love trans women. The wage gap is gender affirming.
January 18, 2026 at 1:52 PM
For all intents and purposes, capitalists should love trans women. The wage gap is gender affirming.
It's crazy that gender comes in pill form and the personal liberty people are against it.
January 17, 2026 at 2:16 AM
It's crazy that gender comes in pill form and the personal liberty people are against it.
My dream job involves picking the best of three rectangles for hours at a time.
January 13, 2026 at 7:38 AM
My dream job involves picking the best of three rectangles for hours at a time.
I am the result of billions of years of natural selection. The weak have been culled from the herd. I come from a long line of survivors. I frequently forget to drink water. My fight or flight kicks in when in groups of 4 or more. I once cried because my partner asked me to trim their hair.
January 9, 2026 at 1:40 AM
I am the result of billions of years of natural selection. The weak have been culled from the herd. I come from a long line of survivors. I frequently forget to drink water. My fight or flight kicks in when in groups of 4 or more. I once cried because my partner asked me to trim their hair.
I might be able to bullshit my way into heaven in some religions, but if the ancient Egyptians were right I'm fucked.
December 27, 2025 at 7:00 AM
I might be able to bullshit my way into heaven in some religions, but if the ancient Egyptians were right I'm fucked.
If I watched a pot of water over a fire and it did not boil I would be tripping the fuck out.
December 23, 2025 at 3:20 AM
If I watched a pot of water over a fire and it did not boil I would be tripping the fuck out.
I could never give my kid an ancient Greek name. Once his classmates figure out "Euripides nuts" it's over.
December 20, 2025 at 4:55 AM
I could never give my kid an ancient Greek name. Once his classmates figure out "Euripides nuts" it's over.
Who else was disappointed when they learned topology isn't the study of blow jobs?
December 15, 2025 at 4:30 PM
Who else was disappointed when they learned topology isn't the study of blow jobs?
Yugioh players will scoff when they hear "yas queen" and act like we don't say shit like "debris hime".
December 14, 2025 at 2:32 AM
Yugioh players will scoff when they hear "yas queen" and act like we don't say shit like "debris hime".
It's really immersion breaking when the guy finishes and the MILF doesn't say "You're busted mister."
December 10, 2025 at 5:26 PM
It's really immersion breaking when the guy finishes and the MILF doesn't say "You're busted mister."
It's a good thing they went with a brand new word when they named Pokemon. Imagine if they called it To Kill A Mockingbird or something. Googling that shit now would be impossible.
December 10, 2025 at 2:52 AM
It's a good thing they went with a brand new word when they named Pokemon. Imagine if they called it To Kill A Mockingbird or something. Googling that shit now would be impossible.
Crazy to think that at any given moment there's a racist somewhere dropping their Oprah Nguyenfrey punchline to either roaring laughter or deafening silence.
December 9, 2025 at 5:22 AM
Crazy to think that at any given moment there's a racist somewhere dropping their Oprah Nguyenfrey punchline to either roaring laughter or deafening silence.
My favorite Star War is when Cudi The Kidd is like "Solo, Hey LaLa Oh Yeah, Dolo"
December 4, 2025 at 5:14 AM
My favorite Star War is when Cudi The Kidd is like "Solo, Hey LaLa Oh Yeah, Dolo"