Chase Sapphire would be a beautiful name for a girl
February 10, 2026 at 6:18 AM
Chase Sapphire would be a beautiful name for a girl
Exaggerating what you know about football today is called superbole.
February 9, 2026 at 1:40 AM
Exaggerating what you know about football today is called superbole.
Wdym I can’t flirt I literally told u I hate u
February 6, 2026 at 12:06 AM
Wdym I can’t flirt I literally told u I hate u
I have the opposite of mental illness. Like mental swag or something
February 5, 2026 at 3:39 AM
I have the opposite of mental illness. Like mental swag or something
I don’t believe there’s any reason to do burpees
February 4, 2026 at 3:10 AM
I don’t believe there’s any reason to do burpees
Before Taylor swift, no one had thought to rhyme “Aristotle” with “grand theft auto”
February 3, 2026 at 6:26 PM
Before Taylor swift, no one had thought to rhyme “Aristotle” with “grand theft auto”
One joke I’m running into the ground is asking people about really complicated books they’re reading, then when they’re done explaining I say “Oh so it’s a chapter book?” Been a hit every time. Took it from someone else’s tweet. You can use it too.
February 3, 2026 at 5:15 AM
One joke I’m running into the ground is asking people about really complicated books they’re reading, then when they’re done explaining I say “Oh so it’s a chapter book?” Been a hit every time. Took it from someone else’s tweet. You can use it too.
Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog
Me: is clairvoyant, yes
Me: is clairvoyant, yes
February 2, 2026 at 9:50 PM
Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog
Me: is clairvoyant, yes
Me: is clairvoyant, yes
I can tell someone’s gay just by their sexual orientation
February 1, 2026 at 8:05 PM
I can tell someone’s gay just by their sexual orientation
My friend just said HR as in heated rivalry?” no babe, as in Human Resources
January 31, 2026 at 6:52 PM
My friend just said HR as in heated rivalry?” no babe, as in Human Resources
My god, I just realized I'm now closer to 30 than I am to 20 (I'm 36)
January 30, 2026 at 4:09 AM
My god, I just realized I'm now closer to 30 than I am to 20 (I'm 36)
I’M NOT ADDICTED TO GAMBLING
I’M ADDICTED TO HOPE
I’M ADDICTED TO HOPE
January 28, 2026 at 5:58 PM
I’M NOT ADDICTED TO GAMBLING
I’M ADDICTED TO HOPE
I’M ADDICTED TO HOPE
you are the object of my affection big dawg
January 28, 2026 at 4:32 AM
you are the object of my affection big dawg
I love my friends but l'll open that reel whenever I get to it
January 27, 2026 at 6:59 AM
I love my friends but l'll open that reel whenever I get to it
So bored I’m about to start a Trivia Crack revival
January 26, 2026 at 5:54 PM
So bored I’m about to start a Trivia Crack revival
it's i love you so much Sunday
January 26, 2026 at 3:43 AM
it's i love you so much Sunday
Therein lies the problem shawty
January 24, 2026 at 7:01 PM
Therein lies the problem shawty
When I win the lottery I'm going to buy linkedin and then turn it off
January 23, 2026 at 2:50 PM
When I win the lottery I'm going to buy linkedin and then turn it off
I don’t do situationships or relationships, only dictatorships (I’m the dictator)
January 23, 2026 at 4:49 AM
I don’t do situationships or relationships, only dictatorships (I’m the dictator)
I don’t do situationships or relationships, only dictatorships (I’m the dictator)
January 23, 2026 at 4:48 AM
I don’t do situationships or relationships, only dictatorships (I’m the dictator)
mom… dad… I’d like to introduce you to the guy who sends me reels
January 22, 2026 at 4:00 PM
mom… dad… I’d like to introduce you to the guy who sends me reels
leaving the platonic friend hang and immediately texting “we didn’t even kiss”
January 22, 2026 at 7:07 AM
leaving the platonic friend hang and immediately texting “we didn’t even kiss”
first day of summer ima be outside for 25 hours
January 21, 2026 at 2:16 AM
first day of summer ima be outside for 25 hours
You can just say you just finished a workout it doesn't need to be true
January 20, 2026 at 2:22 AM
You can just say you just finished a workout it doesn't need to be true
your secret is safe with me unless it’s funny
January 18, 2026 at 7:13 PM
your secret is safe with me unless it’s funny