@neilolney.bsky.social
Lost the love of my life, but she always told me to be kind and happy. I’m trying my best.
#LunchPun We were invited for a meal by a journalist friend last night, who made us the best chilli con carne we'd ever had. When I asked him what was in it, he said he couldn't possibly reveal his sauces.
February 5, 2026 at 11:37 AM
#LunchPun We were invited for a meal by a journalist friend last night, who made us the best chilli con carne we'd ever had. When I asked him what was in it, he said he couldn't possibly reveal his sauces.
#LunchPun I have bid for the opportunity to refurbish and decorate an old disused lighthouse. The customer doesn’t want anything too flashy.
February 4, 2026 at 11:39 AM
#LunchPun I have bid for the opportunity to refurbish and decorate an old disused lighthouse. The customer doesn’t want anything too flashy.
#LunchPun Went out for a drink last night with the man who is designing the roof for my new home. We both had far too much and this morning I’ve woken up to a really bad overhang.
February 3, 2026 at 11:24 AM
#LunchPun Went out for a drink last night with the man who is designing the roof for my new home. We both had far too much and this morning I’ve woken up to a really bad overhang.
#LunchPun My Spanish mate, Eduardo was involved in a nasty car crash but had a lucky outcome at hospital as he was mistakenly pronounced ‘Ted’ on arrival.
February 2, 2026 at 11:49 AM
#LunchPun My Spanish mate, Eduardo was involved in a nasty car crash but had a lucky outcome at hospital as he was mistakenly pronounced ‘Ted’ on arrival.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’ve got two good friends who are disabled athletes and are taking part in the upcoming games. Depending on the weather, they have to use different prosthetics.
Winter limb picks?
Yep, they’re in the bobsleigh team.
Winter limb picks?
Yep, they’re in the bobsleigh team.
January 30, 2026 at 11:44 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’ve got two good friends who are disabled athletes and are taking part in the upcoming games. Depending on the weather, they have to use different prosthetics.
Winter limb picks?
Yep, they’re in the bobsleigh team.
Winter limb picks?
Yep, they’re in the bobsleigh team.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’ve just read a thrilling book about a man who rises to prominence in Ancient Rome.
Agrippa?
I couldn’t put it down.
Agrippa?
I couldn’t put it down.
January 29, 2026 at 11:58 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’ve just read a thrilling book about a man who rises to prominence in Ancient Rome.
Agrippa?
I couldn’t put it down.
Agrippa?
I couldn’t put it down.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’ve had to arrest a scientist who is a serial killer. He’s been turning rock samples from an African mountain into powder and adding it to weight loss injections, which induce a heart attack. The cause of death is killer Mounjaro.
January 28, 2026 at 11:19 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’ve had to arrest a scientist who is a serial killer. He’s been turning rock samples from an African mountain into powder and adding it to weight loss injections, which induce a heart attack. The cause of death is killer Mounjaro.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I have been given the ceremonial post of County Executioner, where rope is used. I looks difficult, but I’m told I’ll get the hang of it.
January 27, 2026 at 11:52 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I have been given the ceremonial post of County Executioner, where rope is used. I looks difficult, but I’m told I’ll get the hang of it.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’m really interested in the Winter Olympics, especially the bobsleigh. I don’t know much so am being introduced to it gently with the lesser events as a taster of what to expect. I’ve started with the Skeleton Sled, although it’s more of an on-tray.
January 26, 2026 at 11:53 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’m really interested in the Winter Olympics, especially the bobsleigh. I don’t know much so am being introduced to it gently with the lesser events as a taster of what to expect. I’ve started with the Skeleton Sled, although it’s more of an on-tray.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I work for a talent agency that was approached by a man with an ‘animal choir’. It had everything from lions and tigers to cows that could all belt out a tune, apart from a Shetland Pony. When I asked why, they said it was because he was a little horse.
January 23, 2026 at 11:40 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I work for a talent agency that was approached by a man with an ‘animal choir’. It had everything from lions and tigers to cows that could all belt out a tune, apart from a Shetland Pony. When I asked why, they said it was because he was a little horse.
Felt honoured to be invited to join a Trump group, until I found out it was The Board of Peas.
January 22, 2026 at 4:12 PM
Felt honoured to be invited to join a Trump group, until I found out it was The Board of Peas.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun At our Winter prize vegetable awards a couple of men got together to deceive the judges into believing that the enormous prize winning Courgettes were theirs. Having won, I saw them having a laugh as it was a real case of smirk and marrows.
January 22, 2026 at 11:04 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun At our Winter prize vegetable awards a couple of men got together to deceive the judges into believing that the enormous prize winning Courgettes were theirs. Having won, I saw them having a laugh as it was a real case of smirk and marrows.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun Watched a programme where a group of people try to deceive their group into taking their rotten Maris Piper’s or King Edward’s off them. Thoroughly enjoying “The Taters”.
January 21, 2026 at 11:54 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun Watched a programme where a group of people try to deceive their group into taking their rotten Maris Piper’s or King Edward’s off them. Thoroughly enjoying “The Taters”.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun At school, the first teacher who got me to draw and paint wasn’t very good. The second was wonderful and she really got the best out of me. So pleased that the US has named the Moon space rocket after her and look forward to seeing how Arty Miss 2 does.
January 20, 2026 at 11:54 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun At school, the first teacher who got me to draw and paint wasn’t very good. The second was wonderful and she really got the best out of me. So pleased that the US has named the Moon space rocket after her and look forward to seeing how Arty Miss 2 does.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I read a short article about how a group of European Kings met in London in the early 1900’s, which led to the writing of the song “It’s reigning men”.
January 16, 2026 at 11:59 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I read a short article about how a group of European Kings met in London in the early 1900’s, which led to the writing of the song “It’s reigning men”.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun My mate always sees the best in everything. I was with him when he got hit by a car and was badly hurt. I asked him his blood type as he went into unconsciousness and he said ‘it’s a positive’. Yet again he saw real potential in his situation before he died.
January 14, 2026 at 11:48 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun My mate always sees the best in everything. I was with him when he got hit by a car and was badly hurt. I asked him his blood type as he went into unconsciousness and he said ‘it’s a positive’. Yet again he saw real potential in his situation before he died.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’ve put a horse racing bet on ‘Power-Ya-IPhone’ in the 3.15 at York. I’m told it’s something of a charger.
January 12, 2026 at 12:07 PM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I’ve put a horse racing bet on ‘Power-Ya-IPhone’ in the 3.15 at York. I’m told it’s something of a charger.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I got called to the parrot section of the local zoo where someone had been found murdered. The body appeared to have been pecked many times by unidentified birds. The forensic team tried, but were unable to find the Macaws of death.
January 9, 2026 at 11:20 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun I got called to the parrot section of the local zoo where someone had been found murdered. The body appeared to have been pecked many times by unidentified birds. The forensic team tried, but were unable to find the Macaws of death.
#LunchPun #RateMyPun Amongst my friends, who work on dustcarts, I have one who is a know all about ‘all things athletics’. I was telling him about the refuse operative, iron-man race I had entered, and he was all “bin there, run that”.
January 8, 2026 at 11:36 AM
#LunchPun #RateMyPun Amongst my friends, who work on dustcarts, I have one who is a know all about ‘all things athletics’. I was telling him about the refuse operative, iron-man race I had entered, and he was all “bin there, run that”.
#LunchPun I organised a camping trip for a large group of very stressed out loners. It wasn’t too successful as many of them didn’t like it being two in tents.
January 7, 2026 at 11:49 AM
#LunchPun I organised a camping trip for a large group of very stressed out loners. It wasn’t too successful as many of them didn’t like it being two in tents.
#LunchPun I used to help out in police training scenarios where gunmen had taken people prisoner. I was often asked to play a hostage as it was effortlessly easy and something I could do with my hands tied behind my back.
January 6, 2026 at 11:43 AM
#LunchPun I used to help out in police training scenarios where gunmen had taken people prisoner. I was often asked to play a hostage as it was effortlessly easy and something I could do with my hands tied behind my back.
#LunchPun I have a friend who thinks she may have issues with lactose or gluten. As she wasn’t sure, I got her a day/date book to write her daily observations in. She became upset when she couldn’t complete it as it transpired she was also diary intolerant.
January 5, 2026 at 11:19 AM
#LunchPun I have a friend who thinks she may have issues with lactose or gluten. As she wasn’t sure, I got her a day/date book to write her daily observations in. She became upset when she couldn’t complete it as it transpired she was also diary intolerant.
#LunchPun Met a guy in the pub from an extremely rural location who was very worried that the police were going to arrest him for interfering with a Farmers Ewe’s. He is laying low but having a few sheepless nights.
January 3, 2026 at 11:54 AM
#LunchPun Met a guy in the pub from an extremely rural location who was very worried that the police were going to arrest him for interfering with a Farmers Ewe’s. He is laying low but having a few sheepless nights.