“Yes, she’s here,” she said, passing me the handset.
Instead of a dead line came a child’s voice.
Mine.
“Talk to her like you’re still me,” it said. “That’s when she’s herself.” #vss365o
6 of them rocked up at Jim & Marg’s do.
“Oh! I thought it was a #myth!” I said.
“It is,” whispered a fairy. “They’re miserable as ****, but we love a party!” #vss365
She marks my height with a line.
“We have to #measure outcomes,” she explains.
Afterwards, I feel lighter. And my skirt is longer.
She draws another line, shorter by an inch.
“Excellent progress,” she smiles. #vss365
That is no longer the question.
Instead, modern #literature declareth it to be:
‘Who the **** is Madeline?’
#vss365
That is no longer the question.
Instead, modern #literature declareth it to be:
‘Who the **** is Madeline?’
#vss365
“Sorry, #law’s the law,” says ex-Superintendent Carol.
In the morning, Carol’s bin bags are ripped open. She checks the CCTV. Pauline’s cat. It stares straight into the camera.
Carol shivers. You can’t trust cat people. Or cats. #vss365
English is polite.
French, passionate.
German, precise.
But the one he speaks in his sleep?
I’m too scared to try and translate it.
The hairs on the back of my neck tell me enough. #vss365
Today they dug it up. The names of everyone who’s since died are crossed out.
All but mine.
#vss365
The mountain quietly quakes in recognition. Just enough to throw a couple of them off.
Lesson learned: impact goes both ways. #vss365
The mountain quietly quakes in recognition. Just enough to throw a couple of them off.
Lesson learned: impact goes both ways. #vss365
“Careful what you wish for,” the pop star thinks. But she doesn’t say it. She can’t, trapped in this doll’s body.
No-one’s even noticed she’s gone from her real one. #vss365
Now, at the reunion, she waits in the shadows, rounders bat in hand.
Who to pick first…? #vss365
Now, at the reunion, she waits in the shadows, rounders bat in hand.
Who to pick first…? #vss365
“Judging by the angle of impact, it was flung in frustration,” she said. “2 sugars. Pauline next door.”
“It’s just tea,” Ian sighed.
“I think she saw how much better my roses are doing,” Carol said. “Not just tea. #Domestic victory.”
#vss365
I gaze into the crystal ball & say, “Ooh, can I have a go? I see a dangerous #creature in your future.”
She narrows her eyes. “ I think that’s just your reflection.”
Maybe so. And she just became even more dangerous. #vss365
Ex-Superintendent Carol booked into both, “to support both #businesses.”
By winter, she was almost bald. But she knew *everything*. #vss365
Ex-Superintendent Carol booked into both, “to support both #businesses.”
By winter, she was almost bald. But she knew *everything*. #vss365
He died earlier this year, but Mrs Spook said he’d still do it.
Intrigued, we approach the dead body. He pounces. “Gotcha!”
He faked his own death just for #Halloween… or did he? #vss365
He died earlier this year, but Mrs Spook said he’d still do it.
Intrigued, we approach the dead body. He pounces. “Gotcha!”
He faked his own death just for #Halloween… or did he? #vss365
I stare at the empty chair.
“He’s probably still sitting there,” my friend says, & pats my back.
As soon as she leaves, I move it into the shade, laughing to myself. That’ll teach him. #vss365
Until I realised it was my reflection in a shop window. Then she instantly morphed into a lanky grey hag.
If I didn’t have to go home & hide, I’d have asked what sort of crazy glass that was. #vss365
When he returned home, his family didn’t recognise him. At the office, another man sat at his desk.
“Experiment? What experiment?” #vss365
When he returned home, his family didn’t recognise him. At the office, another man sat at his desk.
“Experiment? What experiment?” #vss365
“I prefer Pablo, honey,” she tells him, then switches me off.
As I cut out, I hear those immortal words, “You’re so ****ing special.”
Ugh. #Creep. Please could you stop the noise? #vss365
I’m becoming slightly paranoid that I might be an #android.
I try to click on all the cars, but the unborn chicken voices in my head won’t stop.
I just want to drop this computer from a great height, from a great height… #vss365
‘Celebrating the #heliacal rising of Sirius, characterised by heat, madness & hunger?’ one keen scholar asked on arrival.
I locked the gate behind him, my fur already sprouting.
‘Partly,’ I said & howled at the sun. #vss365
Halfway through, Beth whispered, “This bit always gets you.” But when she turned, Ann wasn’t there.
#Terror stole her scream as she turned back to the screen… where the monster was carrying Ann away. #vss365
Then Jo called. “Met the new neighbour? Total nutter. Thinks he’s an alien.”
Val froze. Then shrugged. Who cared? “Gotta go!” #vss365
My skin prickles & instinctively I turn to look behind me.
Someone’s pointing a camera at me. And behind them is an old & scary version of me. I scream. The camera flashes. #vss365
“She brought so much #energy to the table,” Bob said.
We all sighed. He was right.
Someone else would have to bring the coffee & cakes now.
I looked at the floor. It wasn’t gonna be me. #vss365
Afterwards, the song still ringing in our ears, she puts down the cup & it rattles against the #saucer.
We don’t look. We just talk about the weather, the garden, the cake.
Anything but that tremor and what it might mean. #vss365
Maria sips her wine & watches.
Could this woman end her marriage?
She crosses her fingers. Oh, she hopes so…
#vss365