6 yo: when you want to get married, do you just walk around and try to find someone to marry?
September 16, 2025 at 10:15 PM
6 yo: when you want to get married, do you just walk around and try to find someone to marry?
6 yo: Do you know how to spell “nose”?
4 yo: No, I don’t NOSE! *maniacal laughter*
4 yo: No, I don’t NOSE! *maniacal laughter*
November 15, 2024 at 4:56 AM
6 yo: Do you know how to spell “nose”?
4 yo: No, I don’t NOSE! *maniacal laughter*
4 yo: No, I don’t NOSE! *maniacal laughter*
If I was truly evil, I’d love to start a business where I edit spammers’ emails. Anytime I get their emails, I think, “You would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those meddling grammar rules.”
November 15, 2024 at 4:56 AM
If I was truly evil, I’d love to start a business where I edit spammers’ emails. Anytime I get their emails, I think, “You would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those meddling grammar rules.”
Me: *pulls out brand new Benadryl bottle*
3 yr old: Ooh, pink medicine!
Me: *fills syringe with dye-free liquid Benadryl which is very clear and not pink and gives to displeased 3 yr old
Me: How’s it taste?
3 yr old: It tastes… (in very angry tone) NOT pink!
3 yr old: Ooh, pink medicine!
Me: *fills syringe with dye-free liquid Benadryl which is very clear and not pink and gives to displeased 3 yr old
Me: How’s it taste?
3 yr old: It tastes… (in very angry tone) NOT pink!
November 15, 2024 at 4:56 AM
Me: *pulls out brand new Benadryl bottle*
3 yr old: Ooh, pink medicine!
Me: *fills syringe with dye-free liquid Benadryl which is very clear and not pink and gives to displeased 3 yr old
Me: How’s it taste?
3 yr old: It tastes… (in very angry tone) NOT pink!
3 yr old: Ooh, pink medicine!
Me: *fills syringe with dye-free liquid Benadryl which is very clear and not pink and gives to displeased 3 yr old
Me: How’s it taste?
3 yr old: It tastes… (in very angry tone) NOT pink!
After my middle son opened presents for his birthday:
Oldest son: Thank you for the presents!
Oldest son: Thank you for the presents!
November 15, 2024 at 4:56 AM
After my middle son opened presents for his birthday:
Oldest son: Thank you for the presents!
Oldest son: Thank you for the presents!
For a schoolwork assignment asking him to draw something that is the color blue, my 4 y.o. drew a blue marker.
I mean… he’s not wrong. 💀💀💀
I mean… he’s not wrong. 💀💀💀
November 15, 2024 at 4:56 AM
For a schoolwork assignment asking him to draw something that is the color blue, my 4 y.o. drew a blue marker.
I mean… he’s not wrong. 💀💀💀
I mean… he’s not wrong. 💀💀💀
I love little kid convos.
5 y.o: Can I tell you something scary?
My 4 y.o.: Yeah.
5 y.o: Bears really exist.
My son: I already knew that. I went up to the cabin. That's where they live.
(Note: my son just met this boy last week, so he likely has no idea what the cabin is)
5 y.o: Can I tell you something scary?
My 4 y.o.: Yeah.
5 y.o: Bears really exist.
My son: I already knew that. I went up to the cabin. That's where they live.
(Note: my son just met this boy last week, so he likely has no idea what the cabin is)
November 15, 2024 at 4:56 AM
I love little kid convos.
5 y.o: Can I tell you something scary?
My 4 y.o.: Yeah.
5 y.o: Bears really exist.
My son: I already knew that. I went up to the cabin. That's where they live.
(Note: my son just met this boy last week, so he likely has no idea what the cabin is)
5 y.o: Can I tell you something scary?
My 4 y.o.: Yeah.
5 y.o: Bears really exist.
My son: I already knew that. I went up to the cabin. That's where they live.
(Note: my son just met this boy last week, so he likely has no idea what the cabin is)
Me: I’m going to stay inside since I have allergies.
4 y.o.: What’s allergies?
Me: it means I’m allergic to the pollen outside and it makes me sneeze.
4 y.o.: Oh. I’m allergic to vegetables. But maybe I won’t be anymore when I’m 5.
4 y.o.: What’s allergies?
Me: it means I’m allergic to the pollen outside and it makes me sneeze.
4 y.o.: Oh. I’m allergic to vegetables. But maybe I won’t be anymore when I’m 5.
November 15, 2024 at 4:56 AM
Me: I’m going to stay inside since I have allergies.
4 y.o.: What’s allergies?
Me: it means I’m allergic to the pollen outside and it makes me sneeze.
4 y.o.: Oh. I’m allergic to vegetables. But maybe I won’t be anymore when I’m 5.
4 y.o.: What’s allergies?
Me: it means I’m allergic to the pollen outside and it makes me sneeze.
4 y.o.: Oh. I’m allergic to vegetables. But maybe I won’t be anymore when I’m 5.
While my mom tells me how great Dash & Lily on Netflix is...
Me: This is based on a YA book series.
My 63 yo mom: I can see how teenagers would like this. And 63 year olds.
Me: This is based on a YA book series.
My 63 yo mom: I can see how teenagers would like this. And 63 year olds.
November 15, 2024 at 4:56 AM
While my mom tells me how great Dash & Lily on Netflix is...
Me: This is based on a YA book series.
My 63 yo mom: I can see how teenagers would like this. And 63 year olds.
Me: This is based on a YA book series.
My 63 yo mom: I can see how teenagers would like this. And 63 year olds.
Potty training guides: find a weekend, maybe even a week, where you don’t have to go anywhere
Me: That’s never going to happen. We always have to go somewhere.
Coronavirus: Problem solved.
#CALockdown
#coronapocolypse
Me: That’s never going to happen. We always have to go somewhere.
Coronavirus: Problem solved.
#CALockdown
#coronapocolypse
November 15, 2024 at 4:56 AM
Potty training guides: find a weekend, maybe even a week, where you don’t have to go anywhere
Me: That’s never going to happen. We always have to go somewhere.
Coronavirus: Problem solved.
#CALockdown
#coronapocolypse
Me: That’s never going to happen. We always have to go somewhere.
Coronavirus: Problem solved.
#CALockdown
#coronapocolypse
Me talking to person right in front of me:
Person: [incomprehensible words]
Me: What?
Person: [louder words]
Me: What did you say?
Person: [frustrated, loud gibberish]
Me: Sorry, my hearing is terrible.
Also me at a rock concert a mile from my baby:
Me: I hear the baby crying!
Person: [incomprehensible words]
Me: What?
Person: [louder words]
Me: What did you say?
Person: [frustrated, loud gibberish]
Me: Sorry, my hearing is terrible.
Also me at a rock concert a mile from my baby:
Me: I hear the baby crying!
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
Me talking to person right in front of me:
Person: [incomprehensible words]
Me: What?
Person: [louder words]
Me: What did you say?
Person: [frustrated, loud gibberish]
Me: Sorry, my hearing is terrible.
Also me at a rock concert a mile from my baby:
Me: I hear the baby crying!
Person: [incomprehensible words]
Me: What?
Person: [louder words]
Me: What did you say?
Person: [frustrated, loud gibberish]
Me: Sorry, my hearing is terrible.
Also me at a rock concert a mile from my baby:
Me: I hear the baby crying!
My aunt: I want loose leaf decaffeinated English Breakfast tea for Christmas. I’m not sure if you can find that, though.
Mom: If not, I have some tea bags of it. I’ll just cut open the bags and you’ll have loose leaf tea.
#problemsolver
Mom: If not, I have some tea bags of it. I’ll just cut open the bags and you’ll have loose leaf tea.
#problemsolver
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
My aunt: I want loose leaf decaffeinated English Breakfast tea for Christmas. I’m not sure if you can find that, though.
Mom: If not, I have some tea bags of it. I’ll just cut open the bags and you’ll have loose leaf tea.
#problemsolver
Mom: If not, I have some tea bags of it. I’ll just cut open the bags and you’ll have loose leaf tea.
#problemsolver
Me: Santa Claus 🎅 is coming tonight and is going to bring you presents.
My 3 y.o.: That’s nice of him.
#MerryChristmas2019
My 3 y.o.: That’s nice of him.
#MerryChristmas2019
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
Me: Santa Claus 🎅 is coming tonight and is going to bring you presents.
My 3 y.o.: That’s nice of him.
#MerryChristmas2019
My 3 y.o.: That’s nice of him.
#MerryChristmas2019
Me to diaper-wearing 2 y.o.: You know, it’s time to start thinking about using the potty.
2 y.o.: I know, but I so busy.
2 y.o.: I know, but I so busy.
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
Me to diaper-wearing 2 y.o.: You know, it’s time to start thinking about using the potty.
2 y.o.: I know, but I so busy.
2 y.o.: I know, but I so busy.
My 2 y.o.: Can you play Bert & Ernie songs? [NOTE: this is all he requests everyday]
Me: You know other songs exist? Other people sing songs, too.
2 y.o.: Like who?
Me: Like Queen & The Beatles. Good music.
2 y.o.: How about songs by Elmo?
I guess it’s progress. #SesameStreet
Me: You know other songs exist? Other people sing songs, too.
2 y.o.: Like who?
Me: Like Queen & The Beatles. Good music.
2 y.o.: How about songs by Elmo?
I guess it’s progress. #SesameStreet
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
My 2 y.o.: Can you play Bert & Ernie songs? [NOTE: this is all he requests everyday]
Me: You know other songs exist? Other people sing songs, too.
2 y.o.: Like who?
Me: Like Queen & The Beatles. Good music.
2 y.o.: How about songs by Elmo?
I guess it’s progress. #SesameStreet
Me: You know other songs exist? Other people sing songs, too.
2 y.o.: Like who?
Me: Like Queen & The Beatles. Good music.
2 y.o.: How about songs by Elmo?
I guess it’s progress. #SesameStreet
Convo with My 2 y.o.: Chickens don't live in noodle soup. They live on a noodle soup farm.
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
Convo with My 2 y.o.: Chickens don't live in noodle soup. They live on a noodle soup farm.
Mom to my 2 year old holding his Buzz Lightyear doll: Do you have Bud Light there?
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
Mom to my 2 year old holding his Buzz Lightyear doll: Do you have Bud Light there?
Mom: Has he seen Top Gun?
Me: He’s 2. So no.
Me: He’s 2. So no.
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
Mom: Has he seen Top Gun?
Me: He’s 2. So no.
Me: He’s 2. So no.
Me: We’re going to the mall.
2 y.o.: Like in Star Wars!
Me: ???
Me 2 hours later: Darth Maul.
#unexpectedstarwars
2 y.o.: Like in Star Wars!
Me: ???
Me 2 hours later: Darth Maul.
#unexpectedstarwars
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
Me: We’re going to the mall.
2 y.o.: Like in Star Wars!
Me: ???
Me 2 hours later: Darth Maul.
#unexpectedstarwars
2 y.o.: Like in Star Wars!
Me: ???
Me 2 hours later: Darth Maul.
#unexpectedstarwars
My 2 y.o. can climb into the crib with his baby brother & shout, “Mommy! Mommy!” and the baby sleeps through it all, but I so much as breathe two rooms away, baby hears it and immediately awakens. #momlife
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
My 2 y.o. can climb into the crib with his baby brother & shout, “Mommy! Mommy!” and the baby sleeps through it all, but I so much as breathe two rooms away, baby hears it and immediately awakens. #momlife
My 2 y.o. w/ just daddy & mommy: brilliant child who reads, sings nursery rhymes, counts to 30, speaks in clear, articulate sentences
My 2 y.o. around anyone else: won’t say anything other than gibberish, keeps his hands in his mouth the entire time, possibly possessed
My 2 y.o. around anyone else: won’t say anything other than gibberish, keeps his hands in his mouth the entire time, possibly possessed
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
My 2 y.o. w/ just daddy & mommy: brilliant child who reads, sings nursery rhymes, counts to 30, speaks in clear, articulate sentences
My 2 y.o. around anyone else: won’t say anything other than gibberish, keeps his hands in his mouth the entire time, possibly possessed
My 2 y.o. around anyone else: won’t say anything other than gibberish, keeps his hands in his mouth the entire time, possibly possessed
2 y.o.: Play with Mommy’s phone?
Me: Sorry, honey, the phone’s dead. It’s not working.
2 y.o: Play with Mommy’s phone? Peez, Mommy, peez? (x10)
Me: No, sweetie, it’s not working. (x10)
2 y.o.: How bout now? (x infinity)
#HappyMothersDay
Me: Sorry, honey, the phone’s dead. It’s not working.
2 y.o: Play with Mommy’s phone? Peez, Mommy, peez? (x10)
Me: No, sweetie, it’s not working. (x10)
2 y.o.: How bout now? (x infinity)
#HappyMothersDay
November 15, 2024 at 4:55 AM
2 y.o.: Play with Mommy’s phone?
Me: Sorry, honey, the phone’s dead. It’s not working.
2 y.o: Play with Mommy’s phone? Peez, Mommy, peez? (x10)
Me: No, sweetie, it’s not working. (x10)
2 y.o.: How bout now? (x infinity)
#HappyMothersDay
Me: Sorry, honey, the phone’s dead. It’s not working.
2 y.o: Play with Mommy’s phone? Peez, Mommy, peez? (x10)
Me: No, sweetie, it’s not working. (x10)
2 y.o.: How bout now? (x infinity)
#HappyMothersDay
Me: According to Google, I have Disease X.
Doctor: Oh no, you should never trust Google!! 😱🤬😾
Also doctor: So looks like you have Disease X.
Doctor: Oh no, you should never trust Google!! 😱🤬😾
Also doctor: So looks like you have Disease X.
November 15, 2024 at 4:54 AM
Me: According to Google, I have Disease X.
Doctor: Oh no, you should never trust Google!! 😱🤬😾
Also doctor: So looks like you have Disease X.
Doctor: Oh no, you should never trust Google!! 😱🤬😾
Also doctor: So looks like you have Disease X.
Mom: If this passes, I’ protesting. I’m going to bring back the sit-ins. Because us elderly can’t stand anymore.
November 15, 2024 at 4:54 AM
Mom: If this passes, I’ protesting. I’m going to bring back the sit-ins. Because us elderly can’t stand anymore.
Mom: I don’t understand how they get their kid on the crew team when their kid doesn’t know how to crew.
November 15, 2024 at 4:54 AM
Mom: I don’t understand how they get their kid on the crew team when their kid doesn’t know how to crew.