The more time I spend in Hawaii the more I realize that all I want and have ever wanted is to be a sea witch style oracle that is both revered and feared but mostly left alone to sing and commune with nature all while looking fierce as fuck. Is that too much to ask?

Walked out of a conference room to see this absolute menace pluck a baby koi out of the pond and swallow it whole. I said “what a thrill” out loud to no one in particular. Please send help. #birding #blackcrownedheron #hawaii

Having recently revisited the 1982 film Annie, I have to wonder if Bezos has been going for the Evil Daddy Warbucks look this whole time.

I’ve been in Hawaii for less than 24 hours and I have already downloaded a bird identification app. Please send help. #birding

When Bowie died I was filled with grief. Now that Ozzy has died, I find myself filled with jealousy. #thedecline

As an elder millennial, I was not as prepared as I should have been for my rapid descent into birding. #birdwatchingtheworldburn

Overheard North Hollywood: “oh, there’s a generational gap here, when I say blowup, I don’t mean blow up on TikTok, I mean they ruined their lives.”

Great news, pint sized terrorist who lives on the other side of the 20’ hedges has been rewarded for his crimes with a puppy. #pettyneighborshit #poordog

Small lizards all move like stop motion animation.

Dear HBO, or “Max” or whatever your nickname is this month- I will never, and I do mean never “may also like Bill Maher”.
Please stop asking.
Thank you,
Probably most people, but definitely me

Got high and packing vibes style. Let’s hope I have underwear when I open the suitcase.

If you won't fight for your burrito, what will you fight for?

#deepquestions

Does ACAB mean I have to hate Carl Winslow?

#acab #familymatters

Mid Century Modern on Hulu is fun because it's essentially just #GoldenGirls but with queens in Palm Springs.

Mid Century Modern is not fun when it attempts to reconcile religion and sexuality and cuts mormons pretending to be straight and marrying women entirely too much slack.

A 90s style sitcom called "Bibi & the Beebs" where Justin Bieber and Bibi Netanyahu end up as cellmates in a celebrity prison.
Snoop Dogg plays a guard with a heart of gold.

#solidgoldhits #bojackhorseman #availableformeetings #youknowyouwantit