Modern Talmud
@moderntalmud.bsky.social
New-world comedy 🤝 Old-world teachings
FREE THE HOSTAGES 🎗️
FREE THE HOSTAGES 🎗️
Two ultimate truths in this world:
1. Hashem is one
2. No woman wearing a dress with pockets will EVER fail to mention it has pockets upon receiving a compliment on said dress
1. Hashem is one
2. No woman wearing a dress with pockets will EVER fail to mention it has pockets upon receiving a compliment on said dress
June 30, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Two ultimate truths in this world:
1. Hashem is one
2. No woman wearing a dress with pockets will EVER fail to mention it has pockets upon receiving a compliment on said dress
1. Hashem is one
2. No woman wearing a dress with pockets will EVER fail to mention it has pockets upon receiving a compliment on said dress
The Strait of Hormuz sounds like something you’d find on a seder plate
June 23, 2025 at 6:41 PM
The Strait of Hormuz sounds like something you’d find on a seder plate
OF COURSE this happened on Shabbos
June 22, 2025 at 2:33 AM
OF COURSE this happened on Shabbos
I haven’t seen two titans clash like this since Hillel and Shammai
June 6, 2025 at 12:03 AM
I haven’t seen two titans clash like this since Hillel and Shammai
This really has been the best season of The Apprentice yet
June 5, 2025 at 9:11 PM
This really has been the best season of The Apprentice yet
Why do teenagers only count odd days of the Omer?
Because, like, they totally can’t even.
Because, like, they totally can’t even.
May 28, 2025 at 11:57 PM
Why do teenagers only count odd days of the Omer?
Because, like, they totally can’t even.
Because, like, they totally can’t even.
How I think I look on Lag B’Omer vs how I really look
May 16, 2025 at 2:57 PM
How I think I look on Lag B’Omer vs how I really look
Fun Fact: Lag B’Omer is the day Jewish barbers earn their mane income
May 16, 2025 at 12:43 PM
Fun Fact: Lag B’Omer is the day Jewish barbers earn their mane income
Where do you buy stuff for a lag b’omer cookout?
Kohls.
Kohls.
May 16, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Where do you buy stuff for a lag b’omer cookout?
Kohls.
Kohls.
Moishe tells his mom he's in love and says, "I'm gonna bring over 3 women and you try to guess which one I'm gonna marry." The next day, he brings 3 women home.
“Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm gonna marry." She replies, “The one on the right."
"Amazing. How did you know?
"I don't like her."
“Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm gonna marry." She replies, “The one on the right."
"Amazing. How did you know?
"I don't like her."
May 12, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Moishe tells his mom he's in love and says, "I'm gonna bring over 3 women and you try to guess which one I'm gonna marry." The next day, he brings 3 women home.
“Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm gonna marry." She replies, “The one on the right."
"Amazing. How did you know?
"I don't like her."
“Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm gonna marry." She replies, “The one on the right."
"Amazing. How did you know?
"I don't like her."
Mathematics? Pfft. Give me a pope that double majored in Jewish philosophy and Talmudic studies
May 9, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Mathematics? Pfft. Give me a pope that double majored in Jewish philosophy and Talmudic studies
When cardinals flip out in yeshiva
May 9, 2025 at 1:40 AM
When cardinals flip out in yeshiva
We don’t throw away perfectly good Shabbos leftovers in my house.
We put it in Tupperware, wait for it to go bad, and then we throw it away.
We put it in Tupperware, wait for it to go bad, and then we throw it away.
April 30, 2025 at 12:51 PM
We don’t throw away perfectly good Shabbos leftovers in my house.
We put it in Tupperware, wait for it to go bad, and then we throw it away.
We put it in Tupperware, wait for it to go bad, and then we throw it away.
I, for one, like counting the Omer with Roman numerals
April 28, 2025 at 11:13 PM
I, for one, like counting the Omer with Roman numerals
For Sefirat HaOmer this year, I bought my kids beads for an abacus.
It's the little things that count.
It's the little things that count.
April 27, 2025 at 2:23 PM
For Sefirat HaOmer this year, I bought my kids beads for an abacus.
It's the little things that count.
It's the little things that count.
Me forgetting to count the Omer on the third night
a group of children are getting ready to run on a track .
ALT: a group of children are getting ready to run on a track .
media.tenor.com
April 24, 2025 at 5:53 PM
Me forgetting to count the Omer on the third night
Me with cookies after pesach
April 22, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Me with cookies after pesach
BREAKING: King Solomon shared military plans on group chat which included his 1000 wives
April 21, 2025 at 10:18 PM
BREAKING: King Solomon shared military plans on group chat which included his 1000 wives
At the seder I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor 😩
April 16, 2025 at 8:47 PM
At the seder I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor 😩
That moment you finish Passover cleaning
April 10, 2025 at 5:06 PM
That moment you finish Passover cleaning
Smells just like Bubbe’s house
April 6, 2025 at 1:09 AM
Smells just like Bubbe’s house
While I was cleaning for Pesach, a Haggadah fell on my head.
I only have my shelf to blame.
I only have my shelf to blame.
April 4, 2025 at 4:01 AM
While I was cleaning for Pesach, a Haggadah fell on my head.
I only have my shelf to blame.
I only have my shelf to blame.