Middle Age Riot
@middleageriot.bsky.social
Jokes by John Hartzell. He/him.
I can't decide which is more intimidating, Donald Trump's neck vagina or Donald Trump's mouth anus.
January 3, 2026 at 11:11 PM
I can't decide which is more intimidating, Donald Trump's neck vagina or Donald Trump's mouth anus.
DID YOU KNOW: Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro does not have 34 felony convictions.
January 3, 2026 at 10:32 PM
DID YOU KNOW: Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro does not have 34 felony convictions.
BREAKING: Attendance at Trump-Kennedy Center down 600 percent.
January 2, 2026 at 5:31 PM
BREAKING: Attendance at Trump-Kennedy Center down 600 percent.
I forgot to make a New Year's resolution, so don't expect any improvement in 2026.
January 1, 2026 at 5:39 PM
I forgot to make a New Year's resolution, so don't expect any improvement in 2026.
If snorting cocaine off a bus station restroom floor were a person.
December 30, 2025 at 8:07 PM
If snorting cocaine off a bus station restroom floor were a person.
BELOW: The only musicians willing to perform at the Trump-Kennedy Center.
December 30, 2025 at 3:52 PM
BELOW: The only musicians willing to perform at the Trump-Kennedy Center.
Normal widows: "I miss my husband."
Erika Kirk:
Erika Kirk:
December 29, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Normal widows: "I miss my husband."
Erika Kirk:
Erika Kirk:
SHOWN: 2025 in a photo.
December 29, 2025 at 4:02 PM
SHOWN: 2025 in a photo.
2025 was the Year of the Comeback, especially for skinny jeans, measles, Nazis, and economic depression.
December 28, 2025 at 8:19 PM
2025 was the Year of the Comeback, especially for skinny jeans, measles, Nazis, and economic depression.
Republicans are in charge of the Senate.
Republicans are in charge of the House.
Republicans are in charge of the Presidency.
Republicans are in charge of the Supreme Court.
Republicans are to blame for everything.
Republicans are in charge of the House.
Republicans are in charge of the Presidency.
Republicans are in charge of the Supreme Court.
Republicans are to blame for everything.
December 27, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Republicans are in charge of the Senate.
Republicans are in charge of the House.
Republicans are in charge of the Presidency.
Republicans are in charge of the Supreme Court.
Republicans are to blame for everything.
Republicans are in charge of the House.
Republicans are in charge of the Presidency.
Republicans are in charge of the Supreme Court.
Republicans are to blame for everything.
BELOW: Donald Trump wishes everyone a Merry Strokemas and a Droopy New Year.
December 25, 2025 at 10:23 PM
BELOW: Donald Trump wishes everyone a Merry Strokemas and a Droopy New Year.
BREAKING: Democrats have raised the stakes in their war against Christmas by saying "Merry Christmas" like they always fucking have.
December 25, 2025 at 8:53 PM
BREAKING: Democrats have raised the stakes in their war against Christmas by saying "Merry Christmas" like they always fucking have.
Merry Christmas to everyone whose joy isn't heightened by the misery of others.
December 25, 2025 at 12:55 AM
Merry Christmas to everyone whose joy isn't heightened by the misery of others.
HOLIDAY FILM IDEA: It's a Wonderful Life, but with an angel showing Donald Trump how much better off everyone would be if he had never been born.
December 24, 2025 at 8:39 PM
HOLIDAY FILM IDEA: It's a Wonderful Life, but with an angel showing Donald Trump how much better off everyone would be if he had never been born.
Russell Brand: "Praise Jesus."
Jesus: "Fuck off, rapist."
Jesus: "Fuck off, rapist."
December 24, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Russell Brand: "Praise Jesus."
Jesus: "Fuck off, rapist."
Jesus: "Fuck off, rapist."
Thanks to Trump supporters, Santa Claus had to create three lists this year: naughty, nice, and too stupid to know the difference.
December 23, 2025 at 9:12 PM
Thanks to Trump supporters, Santa Claus had to create three lists this year: naughty, nice, and too stupid to know the difference.
I miss the good old days when I didn't know Charlie Kirk was married.
December 22, 2025 at 3:49 PM
I miss the good old days when I didn't know Charlie Kirk was married.
Rated X for scenes of Melania Trump earning her Einstein visa.
December 21, 2025 at 4:22 PM
Rated X for scenes of Melania Trump earning her Einstein visa.
Republicans: "How do you know it's Trump?"
December 21, 2025 at 12:37 AM
Republicans: "How do you know it's Trump?"
BREAKING: At Donald Trump's direction, the USA will be renamed the United States of Trump, the Mississippi River will be the Trump River, Florida will be Trumpida, the Constitution will be Trump Toilet Paper, and the Republican Party will be Gutless Chickenshits for Trump.
December 19, 2025 at 9:11 PM
BREAKING: At Donald Trump's direction, the USA will be renamed the United States of Trump, the Mississippi River will be the Trump River, Florida will be Trumpida, the Constitution will be Trump Toilet Paper, and the Republican Party will be Gutless Chickenshits for Trump.
I wouldn't expect my widow to become a recluse but I wouldn't expect fireworks either.
December 19, 2025 at 6:47 PM
I wouldn't expect my widow to become a recluse but I wouldn't expect fireworks either.
"Hold off on releasing the files that exonerate me." - no innocent person ever
December 19, 2025 at 5:35 PM
"Hold off on releasing the files that exonerate me." - no innocent person ever
FACT: Thanks to gender-affirming care, Donald Trump Jr. can snort cocaine off his own tits.
December 19, 2025 at 1:34 AM
FACT: Thanks to gender-affirming care, Donald Trump Jr. can snort cocaine off his own tits.
"They're renaming my center after fucking who?"
December 18, 2025 at 9:25 PM
"They're renaming my center after fucking who?"
"My husband blames his chronic erectile dysfunction on Joe Biden. If it's true, thank you, Joe Biden."
December 18, 2025 at 5:38 PM
"My husband blames his chronic erectile dysfunction on Joe Biden. If it's true, thank you, Joe Biden."