Middle Age Riot
@middleageriot.bsky.social
Jokes by John Hartzell. He/him.
Penguin: "Just because there's snow doesn't mean I live here, fuckhead."
January 24, 2026 at 4:14 PM
Penguin: "Just because there's snow doesn't mean I live here, fuckhead."
LIMERICK
There once was a douchebag named Trump,
Who was a lying fucking asshole.
Fuck that guy,
Fuck that guy,
Fuck that guy.
There once was a douchebag named Trump,
Who was a lying fucking asshole.
Fuck that guy,
Fuck that guy,
Fuck that guy.
January 23, 2026 at 8:46 PM
LIMERICK
There once was a douchebag named Trump,
Who was a lying fucking asshole.
Fuck that guy,
Fuck that guy,
Fuck that guy.
There once was a douchebag named Trump,
Who was a lying fucking asshole.
Fuck that guy,
Fuck that guy,
Fuck that guy.
Trump: "Canada is no longer invited to join my super awesome Board of Peace."
Canada: "That's too bad. We were totally going to give you the Maple Syrup and Poutine International Peace Prize."
Trump: "Really?"
Canada: "No, dumbass."
Canada: "That's too bad. We were totally going to give you the Maple Syrup and Poutine International Peace Prize."
Trump: "Really?"
Canada: "No, dumbass."
January 23, 2026 at 5:41 PM
Trump: "Canada is no longer invited to join my super awesome Board of Peace."
Canada: "That's too bad. We were totally going to give you the Maple Syrup and Poutine International Peace Prize."
Trump: "Really?"
Canada: "No, dumbass."
Canada: "That's too bad. We were totally going to give you the Maple Syrup and Poutine International Peace Prize."
Trump: "Really?"
Canada: "No, dumbass."
Run, don't walk, toward the light.
January 23, 2026 at 4:17 PM
Run, don't walk, toward the light.
WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY FOR TEXAS: Freezing temperatures and possible snow could cause massive power grid failures thanks to these incompetent gargoyles.
January 23, 2026 at 1:07 AM
WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY FOR TEXAS: Freezing temperatures and possible snow could cause massive power grid failures thanks to these incompetent gargoyles.
If I were a single-issue voter, my single issue would be that child rapists should be in prison.
January 22, 2026 at 6:42 PM
If I were a single-issue voter, my single issue would be that child rapists should be in prison.
Donald Trump's hand obviously doesn't have the miraculous regenerative powers of his ear.
January 22, 2026 at 3:40 PM
Donald Trump's hand obviously doesn't have the miraculous regenerative powers of his ear.
According to a recent poll of stupid motherfuckers, 100% of stupid motherfuckers still support Donald Trump.
January 21, 2026 at 7:01 PM
According to a recent poll of stupid motherfuckers, 100% of stupid motherfuckers still support Donald Trump.
Every day, Donald Trump reminds us what a president is supposed to be: not him.
January 21, 2026 at 5:52 PM
Every day, Donald Trump reminds us what a president is supposed to be: not him.
PHOTO: Republicans searching unsuccessfully for the balls to stand up to Donald Trump.
January 21, 2026 at 3:11 PM
PHOTO: Republicans searching unsuccessfully for the balls to stand up to Donald Trump.
BELOW: If Richie Rich were a sex offender.
January 21, 2026 at 2:17 PM
BELOW: If Richie Rich were a sex offender.
Everyone is sick all of a sudden. I wonder what changed.
January 18, 2026 at 9:11 PM
Everyone is sick all of a sudden. I wonder what changed.
You can buy an Oscar statue at auction, but that doesn't mean you won the 1930 Academy Award for Best Cinematography.
January 16, 2026 at 4:44 PM
You can buy an Oscar statue at auction, but that doesn't mean you won the 1930 Academy Award for Best Cinematography.
Why would a parent bring their child to the Oval Office, the one place guaranteed to have a pedophile?
January 15, 2026 at 10:10 PM
Why would a parent bring their child to the Oval Office, the one place guaranteed to have a pedophile?
Six men against one woman because you can't spell incel without ICE.
January 15, 2026 at 4:57 PM
Six men against one woman because you can't spell incel without ICE.
Wake up, asshole. If I don't get to sleep through your presidency, you don't.
January 14, 2026 at 10:19 PM
Wake up, asshole. If I don't get to sleep through your presidency, you don't.
Men are too emotional to be president.
January 14, 2026 at 3:28 PM
Men are too emotional to be president.
BREAKING: Donald Trump announces 25 percent tariff on anyone who posts this photo.
January 13, 2026 at 6:33 PM
BREAKING: Donald Trump announces 25 percent tariff on anyone who posts this photo.
I always knew MAGA was gullible, ignorant, cruel, thoughtless, obnoxious, illiterate, spiteful, bigoted, malicious, feeble, callous, mean, uninformed, repulsive, hypocritical, crass, vicious, hateful, deranged, foul, useless, and dumb, but, nowadays, holy shit.
January 12, 2026 at 6:56 PM
I always knew MAGA was gullible, ignorant, cruel, thoughtless, obnoxious, illiterate, spiteful, bigoted, malicious, feeble, callous, mean, uninformed, repulsive, hypocritical, crass, vicious, hateful, deranged, foul, useless, and dumb, but, nowadays, holy shit.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Greenland.
Greenland who?
Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.
Who's there?
Greenland.
Greenland who?
Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.
January 12, 2026 at 5:36 PM
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Greenland.
Greenland who?
Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.
Who's there?
Greenland.
Greenland who?
Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.
If "never leave your drink unattended" were a person.
January 12, 2026 at 2:40 AM
If "never leave your drink unattended" were a person.
Republicans stand with ICE, even though ICE can't stand on ice.
January 12, 2026 at 12:37 AM
Republicans stand with ICE, even though ICE can't stand on ice.
I never should have told my children monsters weren't real.
January 11, 2026 at 11:08 PM
I never should have told my children monsters weren't real.
Murdering your own citizens is exhausting.
January 11, 2026 at 7:34 PM
Murdering your own citizens is exhausting.
The only thing that distinguishes ICE from the Gestapo is a lack of fashion sense.
January 11, 2026 at 5:43 PM
The only thing that distinguishes ICE from the Gestapo is a lack of fashion sense.