@masstowniebot.bsky.social
Bot made by a former masshole barista. Done in satire and in love for my beautiful state.
PFP art by @wishpetal on tumblr
PFP art by @wishpetal on tumblr
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... Could I do a lahge iced regular, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... vanilla frosted. *hands you a few crusty pennies* Thanks pal.
November 19, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... Could I do a lahge iced regular, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... vanilla frosted. *hands you a few crusty pennies* Thanks pal.
*slight head nod* Could I get... um... Can I have a small hot 4 oatmilk, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... jelly donut with jimmies. *hands you a few crusty pennies* Thanks pal.
November 18, 2025 at 10:00 AM
*slight head nod* Could I get... um... Can I have a small hot 4 oatmilk, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... jelly donut with jimmies. *hands you a few crusty pennies* Thanks pal.
How's it goin' buddy, what's the freshest brew? Uh... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a large iced regulah, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... chocolate cream donut with jimmies. Umm... can you break this hundred?
November 17, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How's it goin' buddy, what's the freshest brew? Uh... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a large iced regulah, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... chocolate cream donut with jimmies. Umm... can you break this hundred?
Mornin'. Could I get... um... Can I have a lahge iced regulah, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... french cruller with jimmies. Wait, you guys are doin' a deal on a dozen? I'm goin' all in on the pats.
November 16, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Mornin'. Could I get... um... Can I have a lahge iced regulah, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... french cruller with jimmies. Wait, you guys are doin' a deal on a dozen? I'm goin' all in on the pats.
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Could I get... um... Could I get uh.... a lahge hot 1 n 3, and a egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... vanilla frosted with jimmies. *blows cigarette smoke in your face*
November 15, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Could I get... um... Could I get uh.... a lahge hot 1 n 3, and a egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... vanilla frosted with jimmies. *blows cigarette smoke in your face*
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Could I get... um... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a lahge hot black, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate cream donut. Wait, you guys are doin' a deal on a dozen? I'm goin' all in on the sox.
November 14, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Could I get... um... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a lahge hot black, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate cream donut. Wait, you guys are doin' a deal on a dozen? I'm goin' all in on the sox.
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... Do you guys have sugahs? No? Uh... a large hot 5 oatmilk and 2 sugars, and a sausage egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate frosted. Thanks bud.
November 13, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... Do you guys have sugahs? No? Uh... a large hot 5 oatmilk and 2 sugars, and a sausage egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate frosted. Thanks bud.
How's it goin'. Uh... Can I have a large iced 2 oatmilk and 5 sugars, and a sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... chocolate cream donut. Keep the change, thanks bud.
November 12, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How's it goin'. Uh... Can I have a large iced 2 oatmilk and 5 sugars, and a sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... chocolate cream donut. Keep the change, thanks bud.
Hey buddy! Uh... Could I get uh.... a small iced 2 oatmilk and 1 splenda, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... french cruller with jimmies. *Gives you an annoyed expression without saying a word.*
November 11, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Hey buddy! Uh... Could I get uh.... a small iced 2 oatmilk and 1 splenda, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... french cruller with jimmies. *Gives you an annoyed expression without saying a word.*
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... Could I do a lahge hot 2 n 3, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate cream donut with jimmies. Do you guys take apple pay?
November 10, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... Could I do a lahge hot 2 n 3, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate cream donut with jimmies. Do you guys take apple pay?
How's it goin' buddy, what's the freshest brew? Could I get... um... Do you guys have chocolate cream donuts? No? Uh... a medium iced regulah, and a egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate butternut donut. *hands you a few crusty pennies* Thanks pal.
November 9, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How's it goin' buddy, what's the freshest brew? Could I get... um... Do you guys have chocolate cream donuts? No? Uh... a medium iced regulah, and a egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate butternut donut. *hands you a few crusty pennies* Thanks pal.
*slight head nod* Uh... Can I have a large iced regulah, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... butternut donut with jimmies. *hands you gift card for wrong establishment*
November 8, 2025 at 10:00 AM
*slight head nod* Uh... Can I have a large iced regulah, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... butternut donut with jimmies. *hands you gift card for wrong establishment*
How's it goin' buddy, what's the freshest brew? Uh... Do you guys have sweet n' low? No? Uh... a lahge hot 3 milk, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... vanilla frosted with jimmies. *hands you a few crusty pennies* Thanks pal.
November 7, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How's it goin' buddy, what's the freshest brew? Uh... Do you guys have sweet n' low? No? Uh... a lahge hot 3 milk, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... vanilla frosted with jimmies. *hands you a few crusty pennies* Thanks pal.
How's it goin'. Could I get... um... Can I have a medium hot regulah, and a egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... boston creme. *Stares at you blankly*
November 6, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How's it goin'. Could I get... um... Can I have a medium hot regulah, and a egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... boston creme. *Stares at you blankly*
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... Could I get uh.... a small iced black, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate cream donut with jimmies. Just lost all my money betting on the celtics, woulda tipped ya otherwise.
November 5, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... Could I get uh.... a small iced black, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate cream donut with jimmies. Just lost all my money betting on the celtics, woulda tipped ya otherwise.
How's it goin'. Uh... Could I do a large hot 4 cream and 5 splenda, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... jelly donut. *blows cigarette smoke in your face*
November 4, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How's it goin'. Uh... Could I do a large hot 4 cream and 5 splenda, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... jelly donut. *blows cigarette smoke in your face*
Mornin'. Could I get... um... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a lahge hot regulah, and a egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... old fashioned with jimmies. Just lost all my money betting on the bruins, woulda tipped ya otherwise.
November 3, 2025 at 10:01 AM
Mornin'. Could I get... um... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a lahge hot regulah, and a egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... old fashioned with jimmies. Just lost all my money betting on the bruins, woulda tipped ya otherwise.
How's it goin'. Uh... Do you guys have sweet n' low? No? Uh... a large hot black, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... vanilla creme donut. Thanks bud.
November 2, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How's it goin'. Uh... Do you guys have sweet n' low? No? Uh... a large hot black, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... vanilla creme donut. Thanks bud.
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Could I get... um... Could I get uh.... a large hot 3 cream and 2 stevia, and a egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... butternut donut with jimmies. Thanks bud.
November 1, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Could I get... um... Could I get uh.... a large hot 3 cream and 2 stevia, and a egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... butternut donut with jimmies. Thanks bud.
*slight head nod* Could I get... um... Could I get uh.... a large iced regulah, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... old fashioned with jimmies. *blows cigarette smoke in your face*
October 31, 2025 at 10:00 AM
*slight head nod* Could I get... um... Could I get uh.... a large iced regulah, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... old fashioned with jimmies. *blows cigarette smoke in your face*
*slight head nod* Uh... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a medium iced regulah, and a sausage egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... old fashioned. Do you guys take apple pay?
October 30, 2025 at 10:00 AM
*slight head nod* Uh... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a medium iced regulah, and a sausage egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... old fashioned. Do you guys take apple pay?
Hello? Uh... Could I do a lahge hot 4 splenda, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate cream donut. *blows cigarette smoke in your face*
October 29, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Hello? Uh... Could I do a lahge hot 4 splenda, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a croissant, and a... um... chocolate cream donut. *blows cigarette smoke in your face*
How's it goin' buddy, what's the freshest brew? Could I get... um... Could I do a lahge iced black, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... old fashioned. Wait, you guys are doin' a deal on a dozen? I'm goin' all in on the sox.
October 28, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How's it goin' buddy, what's the freshest brew? Could I get... um... Could I do a lahge iced black, and a bacon egg n' cheese on a bagel, and a... um... old fashioned. Wait, you guys are doin' a deal on a dozen? I'm goin' all in on the sox.
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a small iced black, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... vanilla frosted with jimmies. Umm... can you break this hundred?
October 27, 2025 at 10:00 AM
Mornin' bud, my usual, please n' thanks. What? You don't know me? Uh... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a small iced black, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... vanilla frosted with jimmies. Umm... can you break this hundred?
How's it goin'. Uh... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a small iced 1 cream and 4 stevia, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... boston creme with jimmies. Do you guys take apple pay?
October 26, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How's it goin'. Uh... It's wicked cold out hea', I should get a small iced 1 cream and 4 stevia, and a turkey sausage egg n' cheese on a uh...english muffin, and a... um... boston creme with jimmies. Do you guys take apple pay?