Mary Patterson Broome
@marypattersonb.bsky.social
Stand-up comic turned writer/mom who still needs validation from strangers.
📍Greenville, SC🎥 Also part of "It's a Southern Thing"
https://marypattersonbroome.substack.com/
📍Greenville, SC🎥 Also part of "It's a Southern Thing"
https://marypattersonbroome.substack.com/
My latest Substack for those who can stomach a potty training tell-all: marypattersonbroome.substack.com/p/ive-hit-my...
I've hit my limit on plastic products from Amazon
How many tools does one toddler need to not crap her pants?
marypattersonbroome.substack.com
November 7, 2025 at 6:55 PM
My latest Substack for those who can stomach a potty training tell-all: marypattersonbroome.substack.com/p/ive-hit-my...
It's odd when you buy something online now, the company's marketing department emails you like you're planning to purchase a bamboo king sheet set every day for the rest of your life.
August 28, 2025 at 9:59 PM
It's odd when you buy something online now, the company's marketing department emails you like you're planning to purchase a bamboo king sheet set every day for the rest of your life.
Sorry, I know the news is already sad enough.
marypattersonbroome.substack.com/p/i-met-my-h...
marypattersonbroome.substack.com/p/i-met-my-h...
I met my husband's ex-wife while saying goodbye to their dog
And it was just as awkward and sad as you would imagine
marypattersonbroome.substack.com
June 20, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Sorry, I know the news is already sad enough.
marypattersonbroome.substack.com/p/i-met-my-h...
marypattersonbroome.substack.com/p/i-met-my-h...
Recommended a swimsuit brand to my college group text and now five of them have ordered suits from there too...the pressure to not let them down is really intense.
May 15, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Recommended a swimsuit brand to my college group text and now five of them have ordered suits from there too...the pressure to not let them down is really intense.
I worked through some sh*t on this one.
Hollywood might have ruined Disney music for me
Plus a very hot take on Aladdin casting
marypattersonbroome.substack.com
May 9, 2025 at 5:40 PM
I worked through some sh*t on this one.
Where my gamers at?
Playing Xbox is my husband's love language
And that's the only reason I agreed to join him for a game
marypattersonbroome.substack.com
April 25, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Where my gamers at?
Still processing this.
The death of the top knot
How I'm coping after my husband's recent confession
marypattersonbroome.substack.com
April 11, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Still processing this.
Just hit 11 years sober! 🥳
I never would have met my husband if I hadn't quit drinking
Sobriety gave me the clarity I needed to date with intention
marypattersonbroome.substack.com
March 31, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Just hit 11 years sober! 🥳
I keep Googling "do MAGA voters regret it" (because I'm genuinely curious).
March 13, 2025 at 5:19 PM
I keep Googling "do MAGA voters regret it" (because I'm genuinely curious).
Promoting new work is excruciating but I will post through the pain.
My pregnancy was a miracle I wasn't quite ready to accept
A lesson in embracing the things we can't control
open.substack.com
February 28, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Promoting new work is excruciating but I will post through the pain.
My latest Substack musing (trigger warning for La-Z-Boy lovers):
I'll never let anything come between us, except your La-Z-Boys
The title of this entire publication comes from a real place
open.substack.com
February 14, 2025 at 1:21 PM
My latest Substack musing (trigger warning for La-Z-Boy lovers):
Have felt very off and negative today then realized I hadn’t turned on either of my Himalayan salt lamps. Problem solved!
February 13, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Have felt very off and negative today then realized I hadn’t turned on either of my Himalayan salt lamps. Problem solved!
Spent an absurdly long amount of time picking Valentines for my daughter's class of fellow 1-year-olds who will likely rip or eat them upon receipt.
February 7, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Spent an absurdly long amount of time picking Valentines for my daughter's class of fellow 1-year-olds who will likely rip or eat them upon receipt.
Just accidentally wrote "haha" to my Gen Z coworker and am now scared she's lost all respect for me.
February 6, 2025 at 7:13 PM
Just accidentally wrote "haha" to my Gen Z coworker and am now scared she's lost all respect for me.
New post!
The hardest part of marriage is dinner
Unfortunately the standard wedding vows do not include a lifetime meal plan
open.substack.com
January 31, 2025 at 8:24 PM
New post!
Not really doing Facebook or Instagram so where am I supposed to brag about this delicious-looking cake I made from scratch?
January 31, 2025 at 8:24 PM
Not really doing Facebook or Instagram so where am I supposed to brag about this delicious-looking cake I made from scratch?
I finally got my home office set up just the way I like it. The bad news is now I have to write.
January 14, 2025 at 7:19 PM
I finally got my home office set up just the way I like it. The bad news is now I have to write.
A full-on shopping cart at CVS is a level of commitment I hope I'm never ready for.
January 8, 2025 at 7:38 PM
A full-on shopping cart at CVS is a level of commitment I hope I'm never ready for.
Do I need to instigate a wellness check for neighbors who still have their pumpkins on the porch? 👀
January 8, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Do I need to instigate a wellness check for neighbors who still have their pumpkins on the porch? 👀
I keep my decorations up until New Year's Day but I have a hard stop on Christmas movies after Dec 25th.
December 27, 2024 at 12:04 AM
I keep my decorations up until New Year's Day but I have a hard stop on Christmas movies after Dec 25th.
Shout out to all the reluctant partners/husbands/boyfriends whose ladies are dragging them 80 miles away to "save money" on a $10 Facebook Marketplace used lamp.
December 9, 2024 at 1:19 PM
Shout out to all the reluctant partners/husbands/boyfriends whose ladies are dragging them 80 miles away to "save money" on a $10 Facebook Marketplace used lamp.
Wearing black skinny jeans today so I can broadcast my millennial mom status loud and proud.
December 6, 2024 at 6:40 PM
Wearing black skinny jeans today so I can broadcast my millennial mom status loud and proud.
The second year in a row of my daughter screaming bloody murder as I try to prop her on Santa's knee is finally making me wonder who started this awful tradition?
December 5, 2024 at 7:09 PM
The second year in a row of my daughter screaming bloody murder as I try to prop her on Santa's knee is finally making me wonder who started this awful tradition?
It's really difficult to admit how much I enjoy the NFL after making not liking football my entire personality for so many years.
December 3, 2024 at 6:59 PM
It's really difficult to admit how much I enjoy the NFL after making not liking football my entire personality for so many years.
So glad I married someone my age because no one significantly younger would have jammed out to the greatest hits of Quad City DJ's to survive that last delirious stretch of a 10-hour Thanksgiving road trip.
December 2, 2024 at 3:02 PM
So glad I married someone my age because no one significantly younger would have jammed out to the greatest hits of Quad City DJ's to survive that last delirious stretch of a 10-hour Thanksgiving road trip.