"A double IPA? I bet that's twice as good as a regular IPA." -guy about to be disappointed by a beer

Sir, you think you can walk into a suburban Cosco wearing a "Greatest dad ever" shirt and not start a fight?

Why is leap day not a holiday? We get this bonus day every four years. It seems like we should get to do something special rather than go to work like any other day.

Each year for the Super Bowl we stock up on beer, make a bunch of food, and watch the game. So it's basically a Super Bowl party with everything except guests. It really is the best.

The kid is getting in to Star Wars and I'm in over my head here. So, Chewbacca is to wookie as Yoda is to what?

Do we have any stats on how many souls are saved via the religious pamphlets left on top of the urinals in the men's rooms of suburban Olive Garden restaurants?

Kids think their dad knows everything and I'm over here like "Well, buddy, they call him that because, well, he's a Boba Fett and he's from Mandaloria."

A new podcast called "4-way Stop," but it's just me eating Skyline and bitching about how people in Cincinnati don't know how to drive.

I always throw a bay leaf in the pot when I'm making stock, because that's what I was taught to do to. But honestly, I'm not sure what he brings to the party.

I have literally no idea what the history of Snyder's of Hanover and Snyder's of Berlin is, but I would totally watch an eight part limited series on Netflix about it while eating Snyder's of Berlin chips.

I've reached the level of suburban middle aged guy where I'm wandering around the house looking for things to pressure wash.

Trying to explain to a 4 year old that you can only sing the "Rain, rain, go away" song so many times before that other day comes. And that day is today.

Me at the grocery store every week: How the F is that $125?

Apple Store: Hold my beer.