I need to find ways of doing creative things with people again. On my own, I've been struggling to be productive or feel motivated to do anything lately. I think it's because the 'reward' or 'payoff' of my work only comes once I've finished something... which makes starting even more stressful.

Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have separate accounts for things like photography and music. On one hand it makes sense because people who come for my art are less interested in those things...

On the other hand, I'd then have multiple social media accounts to manage... :P

And I'll just stick a few of the more personal photos from the trip here. Fursuit photos courtesy of Adryx! <3

Choices were made!!!

Honestly, it's pretty darn hot. It's the kind of heat that leaves your mouth tingly and numb... No hiccups from me though. Flavor-wise, it's not my favorite. A bit vinegary, bitter, and lemony

My ass when fawning over characters in anime...

Gaah, that was horribly unpleasant. Went to take out some trash and check something on my truck and when I went to close the front door, felt something rubbery.

Tiny tree frog, why did you chose to rest on our doorknob? XD

I struggle with having a personal social media account because if I'm honest, there's a lot of things I want to complain/rant about. No one really wants that, I don't either... but it's been a struggle to muster up the energy to wear a happy mask right now. I'm just tired and fed up with a lot.

It's hard to explain but I feel both directionless and pulled in too many directions at the same time; overwhelmed by everything yet achieving nothing.

There's so much I want to do, but I can't keep up with the things I need to do. It feels so exhausting just to maintain everything.

Need to sleep but I had to finish up the last edits on this article explaining what the Furry Fandom is. Haven't gotten to the other two topics yet but I've been putting a lot of work into this. Hard to explain but it just feels important to do, now more than ever.

www.zenfetcher.com/furry

One of my favorite ferret photos... <3

I will always be envious of how good ferrets are at sleeping and resting.

It's been about 8 weeks since I've started exercising and after ordering a yoga mat, I'm now getting targeted ads for body weights for women.

The algorithm proves once again that it does not know what products to advertise me. I do not wish to be a yoga lady... I wish to be a yoga ferret.

Why does the world feel the need to be so LOUD? I've been staying up late nights again and I just feel so much more productive with less distractions...

No barking dogs, loud vehicles, noisy neighbors... just whatever music I have playing my headset to drown out my thoughts.

After way too much time, (roughly 5 days) I have finally finished the images for the updated information section on my website!

Oh, right...

....I need to actually fill in all the information.

Been letting my mind wander more lately and one of the topics that popped into my head was masochism... More specifically, am I a masochist?

It's weird to figure this sorta thing out this late into the game but I'm starting to realize the answer is yes... not just in regards to sexuality.

Shouldn't be awake but actually spent time (too much of it) working on drawing for once. Happy with how this lil' fursuit head came out.

It's hard to explain how I feel these days. It's like things are wired in my head differently, yet I'm still trying to run the same 'me' program but on a different OS. I'm caught in this weird liminal space of wanting to hold on to how I was but having to confront no longer being that.

Been spending a lot of time working on my website and one of the things that takes a lot of time is making all the graphics. I do take a lot of pride in the fact most everything on my site I made. Even if it's a photo, I like being able to say that I was the one to have taken that photo.

Currently working on creating my artist statement and it's been therapeutic to reminisce about things that inspire me to create and appreciate the process of my art.

It's such a different way of thinking from 'I must draw to earn money' or ' I must draw because I haven't in x amount of time'.

Sometimes you have to fall apart to build yourself back up! I've been spending a lot of time reorganizing and restructuring my life but I'm starting to feel like myself again. Not in the sense of being the way I was before but in the sense of being more my honest self.